Lost Mother to Cancer

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by KMacks621, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. KMacks621

    KMacks621 New Member

    Hello... My mother was diagnosed with Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumors (GIST) about 3 years ago. While we knew it was likely terminal from the beginning, she was doing fairly well until the cancer suddenly metastasized to her liver. She was in hospice care for 5 days. It went from "eventually" to "days" overnight. It's been 3 months now. I am 24 and the youngest of 4 kids, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom for most of my life. I really just want to hug her... I feel like one more hug could make it okay... I feel like I should have hugged her more while I had the chance... It's only just starting to truly sink in that she's really gone and I just don't know what to do :(
    Kim Myers likes this.
  2. Maggie's daughter

    Maggie's daughter New Member

    I'm so sorry about your mom...I just lost mine to cancer two weeks ago and so understand your words. I wish there was a way to get that one last hug...I am a mom of four and caring for my dad now but all I really want is my mom back. I feel like a robot some days...praying you get the healing you need.
    Kim Myers likes this.
  3. Donna73

    Donna73 New Member

    I am very sorry for your loss. I speak from my experience. My Dad was diagnosed with osophegal cancer in September 2012 and in April 2013 underwent surgery to remove the tumour which overall was successful however there were complications and he was very ill until December 2014 when we were told the cancer had spread to his chest, stomach and lymph nodes. He died 3 weeks later January 23rd 2015. Regrets about not spending enough time with your Mother are very normal at this stage in your grieving process I too had these they do pass after a while and then you can focus on all the times you and her did have together. Thoughts are with you
    Kim Myers likes this.
  4. marina

    marina Member

    I just loss my mom to cancer all i want is to hold her hand longer hear her yell my name the way she only did. I am sorry for all your losses. It does slowly start to sink in all i ever really had my entire life was my mom. I hope and pray our pain will be lifted
    Kim Myers likes this.
  5. Elle

    Elle Member

    Hi KMacks, it's been a while since your message but I hope you're surviving. I know what you mean about wishing you could hug her again and wishing you had hugged her more in general. My dad was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia August 2015. He was a big guy who could fix anything with his hands. We watched him get thin & yellow/gray and old for a year. For about 2 months he was doing well. A drug targeting genetic abnormalities helped and then it stopped. August 2016 we learned there was nothing more the center could do. He got a lung infection late that month and was in the hospital. He got out of the hospital and mom found him dead on the bathroom floor 4 days later.

    I don't think I was a terrible daughter but have many regrets all the same. I wish I'd been more present. Those 2 months he was feeling better, I wish I'd been by his side the whole time. You just don't know when someone's time is up. I was starting a new job and I regret that I didn't see him more though I also think nothing would feel like enough now. I wish I could talk to him. I wish I'd appreciated him more.
    Kim Myers likes this.
  6. Kim Myers

    Kim Myers New Member

    I too feel guilt.... that I didnt discuss death and dying with my mother. I dont know if she knew she was dying or if she was scared... its just not something we talked about. We didnt know she would get so bad so fast. Once they up morphine on someone to the point they are asleep all day its pretty much over with theres no more conversation. I pray the horrible memories of those last weeks fade out someday. I feel like she is in a better place but I cant deal with the way she got there.
    Missy's banks likes this.
  7. Missy's banks

    Missy's banks Member

    It's been a little over two months for me. I lost my momma the day before Mother's Day. I'm not doing very well either. I was my momma's main caregiver. She was also my best friend. I know your not supposed to, but I put her before anyone. Even my husband what I'm struggling with is that I also put her before God in my life. She was my everything and without her I am lost. I don't know how to live without her. I truly don't understand how I even wake up everyday. But somehow I do. My heart continues to beat. I hurt everyday. Not just emotionally and mentally it has started to physically effect me. I had to be put in the hospital last week for a GI bleed. I was just in the hospital in April and they ran a scope down into my stomach then and it wasn't there. I don't know how much longer I can continue to suffer. I would never hurt myself because of the way I was raised but I don't really care if I don't wake up in the morning. I'm going to start therapy next week. I hope it helps. I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing prepared me for this type of pain. Nothing can. I try to just keep telling myself how blessed I was to have her as not only my momma but also my very best friend.
  8. Kim Myers

    Kim Myers New Member

    Missy, I just read your other piece. I totally understand everything you said. It is my exact sentiments and daily struggles. I too put my momma above everyone including my husband. We were best friends. I am not happy without her and I dont know if I can ever be happy again. The pain is unbearable at times. It will be 9 months soon. I am hoping time will help. Good luck with therapy. I have thought about that also and still may try it as well. Hugs and prayers to you. Kim
  9. Missy's banks

    Missy's banks Member

    Thank you so much. I also question my ability to ever know happiness again
  10. SiobhanG

    SiobhanG Member

    I am new to group..so don't know if I am responding in right place to Kim and Missy..My mom passed suddenly in May, didn't feel well went to hospital and passed with in a week. I spoke with her numerous times a day, visited with her every other weekend and spent my vacations with her. It's been a very difficult time getting through the grief and sadness and shock. We were very close and there wasn't a lot of time to deal with accepting the diagnosis of stage 4 pancreatic cancer spread to liver and lungs. Even with that diagnosis the doctors gave an estimate of 6 months but she passed 2 days later. There just wasn't time to take it all in and deal. I know people mean well when they say be glad our loved one lost isn't suffering... but to me while I am glad for that , It doesn't help the grief that I am left to struggle with alone. Less than 2 months after my mom's passing, one of my closest friends passed suddenly as well. they 2 people I talked with the most gone just like that. I have gone back to therapy, and I get up every day and go to work but on the inside I am finding that I can't laugh, and feel like a lot of purpose is gone.
  11. Carol Todd

    Carol Todd New Member

    I hope you all don't mind me joining in on your conversations. Just let me say first, i'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on May 23rd. She had been diagnosed with limited small cell lung cancer back in Oct 2016. After chemo and radiation she was actually in remission in March 2017. All seemed to be going well. She then went through radiation treatments on her head, which I understand is standard procedure for her type of cancer. It's supposed to keep the cancer from going to the brain if it should come back. She had this done on the advise of her radiologist, and because she wanted to do everything she could to extend her life. She had two great grandsons she wanted to watch grow (my grandchildren). But beginning in early May she started to decline. She got weak and nauseated. We attributed this to the treatments. I remember her telling me the chemo and radiation stay in your system for 6 months. She was still living alone but I live two doors down from her and checked on her every day. But on the night of May 20, I found her on the floor in her bedroom. I got her to the hospital, but she was diagnosed with a UTI that had gotten into her bloodstream. She died of sepsis three days later.
    I live daily with the grief, guilt and regret of not getting her to the doctor sooner. I had no idea she even had a UTI. I associated her weakness and nausea to the radiation and chemo. I feel like I failed the one person that I loved with all my heart. The mom who loved me (and my two sisters) unconditionally. I just wonder if anyone out there had a similar experience?
  12. Missy's banks

    Missy's banks Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about your purpose being gone. I feel the same way most of the time. My momma was my purpose. People keep telling me I'll get through this but I'm still not so sure. I spend all day talking to GOD inside my head when people are around but out loud when I'm alone. It's like waking up in a new kind of hell everyday. I will be praying for you. Getting to Heaven to be with my momma again is the only reason I'm still in this world. Try to remember that this is our temporary home and we will be with our momma's again when it's our time. The way I have to look at it is my job must not be finished yet or I'd be gone too. I too had a best friend die unexpectedly about two weeks after my momma. She had a heart attack in her sleep. She was 43 years old and stood by my side during the whole visitation for my momma. I'll also be praying that your therapy helps. Please say one for me.
    griefic likes this.
  13. SiobhanG

    SiobhanG Member

    Thank you Missy. At 3 and a half months it still very much feels like yesterday..I too don't often feel sure how I will get through this. I am not having a lot of faith in that area. I struggle with faith anyways. I feel like God isn't helping me and I am too tired to be angry. I spend a lot of times being stuck in my mind about things that happened, the estranged relationship I have with my 2 older brothers that are left...so much that I am weighed down about with out my Mom. Missy I hope we will both get through the losses.
  14. dontababy

    dontababy New Member

    I lost my mother 3 weeks ago to cancer. She was 87 years old and I was her main caregiver. She had lived with me and my family for the last 18 months but we have always spent every weekend together going shopping since I was old enough to drive. I have a son and a daughter and even a grandchild who live with me but they cannot make up for the void left by my mother's passing. I pick up the phone to call her or text to her and then think I cant cause she isn't there anymore. I just want to cry all the time. I am so happy my mother was saved and ready to go and she didn't suffer much and so I have so much to be thankful for but I just cant get over the feelings of loneliness. I am back at work and that does help but still I feel lost.
    Laura Trast likes this.
  15. BobMilici

    BobMilici Guest

    I understand. Lost my mom just about three weeks ago; held her wake on Valantine's Day :(. While my brain tells me she's in a better place, my heart misses her every day. Used to see her quite often, but also made it a point to call regularly. Just hate that I can't pick up the phone to call her to just say hi.........