Lost husband of 16 years Dec 12 2021.

To Leyna and "Bernadine: In one of Lou's posts he said he was always an introvert and Linda was an extrovert. He has had to become an extrovert, so there is hope for us because we are "ONE" and have to survive and reach out on our own.
Yes, we are alive under the ache, well put it. Karen

 

Leyna, you are so right by saying we are loners except for here. No company is better than bad company. Since losing Cheryl I’ve lost contact with 75% of friends and family. I got tired of breaking down and crying talking to them. I rarely answer the phone unless I know it is a safe friend or family member. I text them back sometimes and say if you want to contact me text me. Some of our friends and family don’t know what to say. All you’re trying to do right now is survive. And you will. Please go to centersforloss.com and read 6 needs of reconciliation for the Mourner. This will give you an overview of what to expect of yourself and others. Its a great guide and I reread it often. Recovering from losing JR is going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But you are among people who care about you and are going through the same thing. I’m so glad you are expressing yourself. I admire your courage. Gary

 

Leyna, thank you for sharing the fact that
you & JR were "loners, but together".
Linda& I were the same way. When she
died suddenly in front of me, I went into
shock, bc she was my best ( & only)
friend & family. At first, Linda was the
extrovert & I was more of an introvert.When she became ill, and
discouraged, she withdrew from people,
and I had to step forward to talk with
doctors, nurses, health insurance agents,
either on the phone, or, in person. Now,
my grief counselor said I became a
"people person" , bc I like to listen to the
stories of others, smile, & even laugh. But,
I value my "alone" time, too, while I
mourn for Linda. Thank you for
"talking " on Grief in Common tonight.
Lou
Lou

 

Thank you for your wise & kind words
to Leyna, Bernadine, and me, tonight.
I'm proud to call you brother. I hope
our brother, George, is OK. I miss our
early morning talks. Lou

 

Thank you so much for listening and
quoting me tonight. Seeing you, Gary,
Bernadine, and Leyna tonight, gives me
some peace, and I think I'll have a better
night's sleep now., Karen. Lou

 

My 1st Christmas in 16 years without Jr my husband. Everything is so voided, I'm not even celebrating like we always did. I can't. It doesn't feel right without him. Nothing does. Will it ever? I can't forsee it anytime in the near or distant future. I am just in so much pain from loosing him. Still doesn't seem real, one minute I think I'm ok the next I'm a wreck. If anyone is readings this, ty. Merry Christmas.

 

Leyna, just woke up after 3am, my time,
in Massachusetts. This is my 4th Christmas
without Linda, and it SUCKS BIG TIME!!!,
as our friend, Deb, always says. Deb"s
husband, Bob, died only 8 months ago,
after many years of marriage. She is
traveling with her son during Christmas
week. When she comes back, I'm sure
she'll want to "talk" with you. Despite
her almost unbelievable pain, as a grieving
widow, she manages to keep her sense of
humor, and to even make me laugh. I've
learned things from her, and she's learned
things from me. All I can tell you, is that it
DOES get better. I read that grief is like
the tides of the ocean. Some days, the
water is calm. Other days, it is so
frightening that it seems like it could
drown you. We must swim parallel to
shore, and not give up. JR would want you
to live, and someday, enjoy life more than
you do now, When Linda became ill, she
made me promise that whatever happened
to her that I would try to be happy. This
wonderful group of friends, on Grief in
Common ( GIC) are always here for me
when I stumble and fall. That's why I call
us The Grief Warriors ( TGW). I'm so
happy that you are "listening" to us, bc
you will put "Like" to someone's post, if
you're not up to giving a reply, I see that
you live in Indiana. Gary describes some
of the natural beauty there. Have you
ever visited the ocean? Thank you for
being on here tonight, Leyna. I'm going to
try to go back to sleep, after having a snack. I'm looking forward to hearing from
you and other Grief Warriors, in the
morning. Merry Christmas. Lou

 

Leyna it’s good to hear from you. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You are in shock from losing JR. The feelings you are experiencing are normal. And believe me I know how horrible these feelings are. Lou used the ocean as a metaphor to describe griefs affects on us. It’s a wild ride with brief moments of peace. Lou is a veteran in grief recovery and a roll model to me. He says he became a people person out of necessity. That’s what I have to do too. Because I’m a loner too. Have you checked out grief support meetings in your area? Have you read the 6 needs of reconciliation for the Mourner? There is a scientific approach to our grief journey. It’s the action we take that will give us temporary relief. I was Cheryl’s first responder when she had the cardiac arrest. One hour and 13 minutes later there were 11 more EMTs firemen and deputy in our home feverishly trying to save Cheryl. Attempting to keep this horror out of the center of consciousness has been difficult. I made a collage of Cheryl and myself of some of our favorite places into an album and put it on my phone. When bad thoughts would come I look at it. Keep expressing yourself and listening to our experiences. The hardest part of your grief journey is to take that first step or make your beginning. Above all be kind and gentle with yourself. You are not alone. Gary

 

Gary, I do believe there is a God, bc I
don't think there are coincidences in
life. When I wrote to Lenya's post in the
middle of the night, I invoked your name,
and the fact that you've told tales of ,
both the woods and the cornfields of
Indiana, a state in which the 2 of you live.
I just woke up at 7:30am to find you here,
Gary, and that Leyna put a "LIKE" next
to my reply, I wish we could
talk on the phone, my younger brother.
Thank you for telling Leyna that I'm your
role model,but I have learned so much
from you in your world of Native American spirits, hunting wildlife, and
your moving grief journey, as a "loner".
But, we are not completely alone, bc we
have close brother and sister Grief
Warriors, and, to quote "The Blues Brothers" movie, "We are on a mission from God". I hope Stacey, in particulat,
will see this, bc it will bring a smile to her
face. Lou

 

Thanks Lou for your kind words and the extreme LMSO (laugh my sad off) when I read “we are on a mission from God”. But you are so right. We are aligning our lost souls with our God by our positive interactions. Sharing our deepest hurts and suffering then finding hope through the courage of TGW. What a horrible day to feel lost and alone. I wish we could talk on the phone too. Even a three way conversation with our younger brother George and perhaps Rick and Tom. Chad is out of town today. I’m listening to the police scanner now and it’s one tragedy after another. A very bad Christmas for many today. But we have each other. Thank God for TGW!!! Gary

 

Amen, brother Gary!!

 

Hey, Leyna
My first holiday season without Kenn. So odd that it’s been seven and a half weeks. Feels like forever, and also like it was yesterday.
I’m home alone today by choice. Just wanted quiet. Hope your day has been ‘fine enough’? ~B

 

God Bless you, Bernadine, for consoling
Leyna. I really hope she stays with us.
GIC has been a lifeline for me and other
Grief Warriors during what would have
been a sadder, lonelier time. I'm glad you
had a quiet Christmas. I was up in the
night & felt blessed to talk with you &
other mourners, Lou

 

Lou, we have snow and freezing temps coming tonight. It’s very unusual for us to get below 30 so a forecast of 20s at night for a week meant I was out bundling up plants. Came in wet and cold but a good kind of tired. Then into the kitchen to cook for the week in case we loose power at some point. I can easily reheat on my camp stove.
Quiet, a little busy and now settling in for the evening. I think I just ignored the fact that it was a holiday. Bernadine

 

Bernadine, I just said to my brothers,
Gary & George, that we should be proud
of ourselves for bravely soldiering
through Christmas. You are wise to be
prepared. I have a battery operated
lantern that Linda bought ( she was one
step ahead of me, before she became ill).
I thought of her & cried, when the power
went out. It was as if her spirit was
shining a light on me, to tell me I'd be OK
in the raging storm outside my window. I
just made myself sad, so I'll try to think
calm, happy thoughts, bc I'll be going to
bed soon. If I awake in the middle of
night, I may check on my friends, like you.
on the West Coast. I know Karen is busy
with her daughter & grandaughter. I hope
Stacey is OK. It was good to hear from
Patti, and Deb is on a trip with her son.
Pleasant dreams. Keep warm. Lou