Lost both parents

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Anh1, Oct 18, 2022.

  1. Anh1

    Anh1 New Member

    Lost my dad 6 months ago after a long battle with cancer, we knew he had wks to live, said to our hood byes, my mom acted like she was dealing with his death, in all reality she was grieving herself to death, we found her ten days ago dead. They think massive heart attack, same spot my dad died. Both parents were in their early 60s. I’m lost. How’d I go from mourning my dad, to mourning both prents. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel joy again. I now have an anxiety attack if my loved ones don’t answer the phone, I’m scared we are gonna lose someone else. I miss them both so much.
  2. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Hello Anh1. I’m sorry about the loss of both parents. My name is Gary and I am on this site because I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly 17 months ago. I was in widow/widoers fog and shock for 5 months. I found an in person grief support meeting right away and started therapy also. It was 9 months before I felt some emotional improvement. I found GIC 6 months after Cheryl transitioned. I didn’t feel the depression and aloneness as much after finding GIC. I’m active on the loss of spouse category. Did you check out the loss of parent one yet? Please google 6 Needs of Reconciliation of the Mourner. This is an article about a scientific approach to grief. This is very helpful in our grief journey. It says we must be very kind and compassionate to ourselves while grieving. Please read. Gary
  3. ajbwalla

    ajbwalla New Member

    Good morning, I am going through a similar situation. My mom is (was) 80 and my dad is 78. My mother was hospitalized for a month last January with severe cardiac issues. We finally got her home and started her rehabilitation. During this period, my dad was having throat issues and was eventually diagnosed with Anaplastic Thyroid Cancer, a very rare, incurable form of cancer.

    I spent the past 9 months caring for my folks. My dad went through chemo and radiation, until the oncologists decided that the treatments weren't helping. He is now currently in Hospice. Mom's health started a drastic decline about two months ago. On October 12th we rushed her to the ER where she was admitted with diverticulitis. After a day in the hospital her blood pressure plummeted and we lost her on Monday, October 17th.

    I thought that I was going to be prepared for this, but everything is so raw. I feel absolutely helpless and hopeless.

    I know that I am only at the beginning of the grieving process and am terrified how this will feel when we lose my dad in the upcoming weeks.

    I don't know how I am going to be able to go on.
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Ajbwalla, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. You’re going through so much all at the same time, with you having both parents suffering at the same time. And now your loss. I’m on this site because I lost my husband very suddenly to a massive heart attack that took him from me in 2 hours. He was never sick and we had no warning signs. Married 41 years. My life changed forever that night. It’ll be 4 years Nov 17. I miss him every minute of every day. We were together 24/7. We ran a business together. I have also lost both my parents. I lost my Dad first to cancer, I didn’t think I could live a minute without my Dad but some how I’m still here. I had 2 very young children and my Mom to care for. My Mom passed 10 years after my Dad. She was suffering with dementia. She was my best friend in the world. So I know about loss and losing our parents and how hard that is. But I didn’t have both very sick at the same time like you have had. Try to remember to take care your yourself too. You’re important and still caring for your Dad and grieving the loss of your Mom all at the same time. Try to get fresh air each day it does help. I hope you have family and friends helping you care for your Dad and helping you while you mourn your Mom. Be kind to yourself. Afraid there’s nothing that prepares us for these losses. There’s no magic wand to help us get through these devastating times. Accept any help offered and visit this site often. It has helped me immensely. I use my husband Ron to keep me going. I feel his energy and love and I know he wants me to be ok and try to enjoy life. Everyone on here understands and knows exactly how you’re feeling. No one ever judges, just caring people. You’re in my prayers as you continue on this very difficult journey. Be kind to yourself. Robin