Lost both parents - sibling drama with estate process

Hi Everyone - I lost both my parents last year. We've been cleaning out the house which my parents lived in for 45 years in order to get it on the market. It's been about a year and I was hopeful that some of the sibling drama would have calmed but it is very intense. My two older sisters are co-executors. One of them is verbally abusive, is an alcoholic and has mental health issues. Had my parents known she was going to act like this, I don't think they would have made her an executor. The other one acquiesces to her. I'm having a hard time finding a balance between stepping out and making sure that my voice is being heard since I'm a beneficiary. They do this thing where they ask for everyone's opinion and then I'll give it and they'll throw it back at me. It keeps getting proven over and over again that my opinion won't be taken into account.

Mostly I just want to get on with my life and have some peace. But, I'm just having a really hard time detaching. My thoughts keep going to this and the hurt I feel for the way I'm being treated. There are some actions being taken which are questionable as far as the role of an "executor" goes. But I know that disputing these will keep me in this drama cycle. I keep telling myself that even though it feels like I'm losing, I'm winning because I am staying in my integrity. It's just a lot to deal with on top of the grief. Plus I am single and have lost many friends recently. So to be treated like this by my family really hurts and is even more isolating. I'm just wondering if anyone else has navigated these dynamics and how you got through it?

 

Hi Berta
I went through ( still going through) a similar situation. My parents died 6 month apart from cancer. I had family drama with Sister/parents for years because she constantly stirred up conflict. Her son and his girlfriend were living with my parents and had substance abuse issues. My parents allowed them to take their cancer pain pills. Mom had cancer for more than 15 years. Dad found out he had terminal cancer and lived a little over a year after. I had to go through seeing them slowly die and try to deal with mental health issue of sister and substance abuse of her son. When Mom died I confronted them and they told me they no longer needed me or my family in there life. At funeral I was told not to speak or talk to them. They also told my Dad he was no longer their father/grandfather. I had to deal with selling his house and getting his financial orders taken care of. He came to live with us until the last couple of months where he needed hospice care. I had to watch my children and wife go through so much tragic sadness and anger. I never was able to grieve. I don't think I have grieved yet. I just started therapy. I am a Christian and my faith is what has brought me this far. I've prayed to feel better and think God is opening a path for this to happen. I hope you are feeling better. I don't have answers for you (or myself) but I can listen and can definitely empathize to your situation. I'm praying for you now. I wish you the best.

 

Berta,
I feel your pain so much it is so like my story. I lost my dad in june after a 2 week illness and now because of his will i am fighting with siblings i never really got on with. I lived with him and am so devastated about it all, and have been ill myself for last 16 months. I lost mum 20 years ago. I am really struggling to cope,and am single too beyond lonely.

 

I know you posted this a while back, but I can relate.. in my family, not just drama with us kids, but also, it turned out my Dad had two girlfriends we ended up having to, um, navigate (?!) at the end, which was diheartening, disappointing, and disgusting, quite frankly, trying to care for him the last days in hospice and not be fuming about the situation when he is on comfort care. I am proud of myself I gave 110% to him to give him a comfortable dignified death, but now I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. like you, during this whole situation, including the decision to put my Dad on comfort care, I did not have a voice, and the others have taken the reins and all I can do is sit and watch and make the best of what's left. It's sad and grief-provoking on multiple levels...