Lost both parents 7 months apart. Having a hard time coping

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by Kymber73, Jul 24, 2019.

  1. Kymber73

    Kymber73 New Member

    I am new here. I lost my mother ( who was my best friend) 3 months ago and I lost my father 10 months ago. I never had time to grieve the loss of my father because instantly I became my mother's caregiver, then unexpectedly lost my mother 7 months and 5 days after my father. I am now grieving the loss of both parents and am just not coping well.
  2. kathipro

    kathipro New Member

    I just joined. I'm 65 years old and this year, have experienced first major death losses. My mother was early in the year, an unexpected event, although she was elderly at 86. I live in MA and she lived in UT, where my sister also lives. I flew out there when things went amiss and was there a week and a half and with her when she died. My father, who lived in GA, died 3 weeks ago after suffering kidney cancer & disease. It was expected, of course. One of my closest friends (husband of my dearest friends) died unexpectedly 2 weeks from a UTI that went into sepsis. My parents weren't in my daily life since they lived in other states but it's still very hard to realize they are gone. And that my local friend died.
  3. Ejv

    Ejv New Member

    I am new today. My dad died on November 29 and my mum a week later which was unexpected and an awful death of total liver and kidney failure. My dad had bowel cancer so we knew . My mother turned on me throughout his illness , wouldn't allow help with my father which led to him not being cared for as much as was possible until he had to go into a palliative care centre. The last 4 days of his life she would not leave his room, shouted when i spoke to him or stroked or touched him , told me he had said he didn't want me there. It was horrendous. Then the next day she was admiited as an emergency and 4 days later we were told she had 2 days to live. She had told friends I had not helped which was the opposite of the truth . When in hospital she spoke that I had visited and tried to murder her. She deteriorated quickly and never smiled at me or said sorry just stared . In the last hours she tried to speak but it could not be understood . I feel she died still angry . I am totally broken and would welcome advice from anyone who has similar experience .
  4. kimberly1

    kimberly1 Member

  5. kimberly1

    kimberly1 Member

    I also lost both of my parents
    they were my best friends
    the pain is overwhelming
    I watched my mother die for 2 weeks after several hemmoragic strokes
    I can't get her suffering out of my head
    she died in July 2019
    my father died in December 2019
    he had dementia and diabetes but I really think he died of a broken heart
    I miss them terribly
    I just signed up to this website
    I hope it helps
  6. kimberly1

    kimberly1 Member

  7. kimberly1

    kimberly1 Member

    I can relate
    my mothers personality was changing and she was getting really nasty leading up to her stroke
    my father's dementia caused him to be very nasty towards me as well
    it was very hurtful but I think their illnesses were the cause
    still grieving
    still sad
  8. DorryZ

    DorryZ New Member

    My mom broke her hip and something about the surgery caused dementia that was not present before the surgery, my loving mother became easily agitated with me and wouldn’t eat. She started hallucinating and got upset when I couldn’t see what she was seeing. Eventually I started talking to her about her hallucinations, asked her if they were scary, that seemed to help but she wasn’t the same. We were always so close but it changed after the surgery and I never truly felt that closeness again. She died four months after the surgery.
  9. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Theses changes were medically induced and no ones fault and not what our loved ones truly felt. My mom was in a nursing home, she was terminal with cancer and had a fall breaking her hip, she refused surgery and was gone days after the fall. In those few days her mind just went, hallucinations and crazy talk. I was pretty strong up to the time of the crazy talk, she said horrible things to me, about me. I had to step out of the room to regroup, lucky for me there was a nurse present during this. He saw my reaction and followed me out, he explained to me that this is very common, and that he's seen it so many times and told me not to take to heart because they don't know what they're saying. He reminded me that I needed to remember the good times.

    This helped me, I hope knowing that you're not alone helps.
  10. djb966

    djb966 New Member

    I totally understand, my mother died a little over a year ago and my father died 7 weeks later. I just knew he would be ok, but, he was not. He died of a broken heart. They were married 65 yrs. I too am having a hard time coping still to this day. It has been 14 months and I just realized over the weekend I have forgotten what my fathers voice sounded like. To say the least, I cried all weekend. You see, he was my rock- my anchor. He and I took care of my sweet mother who passed from Alzheimer's. We both were at a loss, but, I just knew we could carry each other through. <sigh> I am a single mom of a US Sailor and am so proud. Sometimes, I feel that he is the only reason now for putting one foot in front of the other. Someone called me and an adult orphan. Whew, they hit the nail on the head as there are times I pick the phone up to call my father to find a stranger answering his number. That person told me not to worry about calling it was ok. Yeah, but, that was not my fathers voice. How in the world do you guys cope with the death of both parents and dealing with being an 'adult orphen'