Lost, Angry & Alone-Does it ever end?

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Heshi8064, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. Heshi8064

    Heshi8064 New Member

    This past May was a rough month for me. It was the 10th anniversary of my Mom's passing from cancer and my fiancee was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. I went into autopilot. I was primary caregiver for both my Mom and my fiancee. (My family helped with my Mom, and hospice was involved in both cases, but with my fiancee I did it all.)
    I really do not know how to describe what happened next..all heck broke loose in my home. It got to the point I was considering in patient mental health assistance due to his daughter and sister and their actions towards me. I tried to give them time to say good bye and make good memories. I welcomed them both (along with my 2 young grandkids) to stay over anytime. My family stepped back to allow them space. In the end, I had to cease contact with his entiire family. It got so bad. I still cannot understand how people I have known and loved for 11 years could treat me & do things to me that are unforgivable. I was essentially erased from their family. I was uninvited to an upcoming wedding (I was looking forward to going) my fiancee was going to be a part of and things that were mine and my fiancees's were taken from me without my permission.
    See, I understand everyone grieves differently. But thay does not give grieving people the right to treat you like trash. I am hurt because they all told me they loved me and that I was part of their family. I am angry at how they treated my family. I am angry and full of regret because of all of the time I wasted with their drama took away from the tiny amount of time I had left to say good-bye to him. So I am grieving because I miss my Mom. I am alone now and miss him beyond words. I also miss my grandkids and his family and still cannot understand who they feel justified in treating me this way. It hurts so much.
    I do not like feeling this way. I gave my fiancee my all every day to ensure he was as comfortable as possible. I got feedback from the professionals at hospice that I was doing everything right. So why? When will I stop feeling so alone and angry?
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    You will never understand why people do what they do. Their motives are their own and they will not share. They were maybe jealous of your relationship with your fiancee,,,feel guilty that they did not do as much as you...who knows. Don't beat yourself up about them and don't let them control you. Stop talking about it to family members and release it. As far as when will stop feeling so alone and angry...? You will always feel alone but the anger can be released. Time helps a lot and keeping busy helps. (I have retired about 3 times and am now working part time and love it.) I am three years without my love and I go through the motions of living but I will never be the same. You have a choice to make.Let your life be over or move on. I know I will never feel the same way about anyone else and I don't even want to try. All I have are the memories and they are amazing. The picture to your left is me at 14 and Steve at 16 at his senior prom in 1959. How's that for a commitment? Still feel angry, seriously punch a pillow and get into the car and scream into a bag or bucket. Works for me when the stress is overwhelming. Sorry for your multiple losses but keep reaching out for support.