Loss of spouse

PatFan,
So very sorry for your loss. My wonderful husband die three months ago and I was welcomed into this group. Everyone is so supportive and caring. We all have had losses that changed our lives so completely. So glad you could join us. Janiceanne

 

PatFan, so very sorry for your tragic loss, we can all understand here what you're going through right now. Sharing your thoughts with us will help you get through this struggle, the pain will never go away, we will always have our soulmates in our hearts, but knowing you can 'talk' to others going through the same pain, will help you'make it through the rain', like a certain song says.
I lost my husband suddenly due to a heart attack two years ago, at only 57 yrs of age. I still can't come to terms with it, it's particularly tough this time of year during these festivities.
Take care.

Janice Anne, I'm glad you have decided to stay with us, I've been on this group here for 7 months now and I'm so relieved we are all here to support each other, as you know only others who have lost a soulmate can understand and empathize with us, and this is the right place.

 

Thank you, Nurse Janiceanne. I must
confess that I reached out to The Grief
Warriors ( TGW) for sympathy and
compassion, and for women like you
for tender loving care (TLC) !! Will look
forward to "talking" with you and all TGW
today, on Christmas Day. Lou

 

Thanks Gary for responding or listening. My name is Betty, but friends just call me B. I feel like I’m doing ok when I’m distracted. I play golf as much as I can, but I’m still just so sad. I don’t know if it’s the holidays or just another wave. I still can’t sleep in our bedroom, I’ve tried a few times. I’m just rambling I can’t find the words I want, but maybe with time I will be able to express a little more. I’m sorry for loss, it just sucks, no other words really

 

Betty ,thank you for saying your name.
I'm famous for asking new members for
their real names. I will call you B from
now on,bc I want you to consider me a
friend, too. I have one favor to ask. Will
you please share the name of your wife &
soulmate? My name is Lou. I'm 73. My
wife died suddenly , in front of me,at
68. We were married 25 years , no
children, That was 4 years ago,right
before Thanksgiving. I was in a state of
shock, and had to see a grief counselor,
bc I couldn't get that last image of Linda
out of my mind, and couldn't sleep. All
I did was cry in her home/ office, at first.
She suggested the kind Grief in Common
( GIC) site, but I didn't join until the end of
July, 2021, and I'm so glad I did. The people
on here, like my younger brothers, Gary,
George, and Chad, and my many widow
sisters, like Patti & Karen, who greeted me,
and Deb & Helena, from South Carolina,
Bernadine, from Oregon, many others ,
including newer members, Deborah,
and Janiceanne, "get it", like no friends
outside can. We will help each other get
through Christmas Day today. I still cry
every morning for Linda, but not sob
uncontrollably. as I did in the beginning.
You did the right thing by joining us, B.
Welcome, and please stay with us. Lou

 

B, I have left out other names, bc I haven't
had my coffee yet. One name is Rose, in
Italy, way out of our time zone. If I awake
in the middle of the night, I sometimes
reach out to "talk" with her . There is
always someone here, who will reply to
us at some point. Lou

 

Good morning/afternoon and Merry Christmas! I am in my fourth Christmas since my husband, Steve, died. I still miss him terribly. I just took off my wedding rings (and his) because my diamond needs work on the prongs. We were married 28 years, and it is getting easier. I still cry many times each week, and still feel anxious about the future. But it’s getting easier every month to go on. I don’t think I will ever stop missing Steve, but I’m coming back to life. I was blessed to have an honest and open conversation with Steve before he died, and I know without a doubt that he wants me to be happy. It’s okay, in my opinion, for me to feel still married to him. But I am also trying to reconnect with the world. I just put one foot in front of the other. Love, prayers, peace and hope to each of you in your grief journey. We are here for each other!
Love,
Deb (Deborah)

 

Patfa,

So true. It sucks!
Just remember you are not alone! You will find your own way again, but by bit. It’s never going to be the same, and it won’t be easy, but we are all here for you!

 

Deb ( the other Deb, in addition to my
good friend, Deb, from South Carolina), this isthe 5th Christmas without my
beloved Linda. I agree with every word
you said, in regard to my own grieving.
Like you & Steve, Linda and I had " the
talk", when she became ill. As I've said
before on GIC, Linda made me promise to
be healthy, try to be happy, if anything
happened to her. She surprised and
shocked me by saying that when she died,
she wanted me to " find another woman".
When I protested angrily, she smiled and
said , " WELL, Lou, if anything happens to
YOU, I will find another man!",and we
both laughed. It's not that simple. No one
can ever replace my wife, and I cry for
her every morning, including this one.
God Bless you for staying on here, and
comforting B ( PatFan), our newest
member. Christmas is a gathering of all
The Grief Warriors ( TGW) here, including
Patti, from S.C. , who, along with Karen,
was the first person to welcome and
comfort me. Merry Christmas. Lou

 

Betty,

I'm so glad some of my friends got here way before I did to welcome you to our GIC "family." I always HATE!!! having to say this because words seem so shallow at times, now being one of them, but I hope you know how very sorry I am your wife passed away. (I have a bad habit of not reading messages in the order in which they were written, and also widow foggy brain, so if you mentioned your wife's name, I'm sorry I didn't refer to her by her name.) My husband, Bob, died a little over 20 months ago. By the time he died, he had a specialist for just about every body part. I was his full time caregiver from the beginning of 2018, until his death. It was the very hardest job I've ever had, but I would gladly do it all over again, if only I could...

I'm so sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did. Welcome to our "family." Finding this site several months after Bob died, finding the courage to reach out for help, was one of the very best things I did to help myself. This has become my safe place, whenever I need a virtual hug, a shoulder to cry on, someone to "listen," or want some advice, (you can take our advice or leave it, this is a judgement free zone, and we'll be here for you no matter what you do) I come here to "talk" to my friends, some of the only friends who "get" what this total heartbreak is really like. I hope this becomes your safe place too.

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I have people arriving in an hour and I am immobilized. ~B

 

Bernadine,

I have my hands wrapped around a very HOT!!! mug of herbal tea…, decided to check GIC one last time this afternoon, and found this message. Sending you the BIGGEST!!! virtual hug!!! It SUCKS!!!

I wish there was something I could do or say that would help you to feel even a little bit better, but all I can do is let you know I “get” it, and give you a virtual shoulder to lean on.

I’m guessing you’re very close to the people who you invited over. If so, don’t worry about not being on top of things. Good friends/family will understand…. Do what you can, let others help with the rest.

I hope today turns out better than you’re expecting…

Sending zillions more hugs, lots of love, to you & Maggie, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Bernadine, review your BINGO card to
put this in perspective. As I told Deb and
other Grief Warriors long ago: any
holiday, birthday, or anniversary , is just
one day. I'm home, sick with the flu, but,
on the bright side, can rest , drink herbal
tea , like Deb, and work on my recovery.
It's trite to say, but tomorrow is another
day, and we will get stronger.....Lou

 

Good morning Lou, my wife’s name is Randi. She also passed at home. I totally get where your coming from, all my memories and thoughts are of the last ten days she was home. They were awful, i can’t shake them yet. I just keep seeing how confused and scared she was. She called my name over and over for eight days straight. I’m 61 and I have never cried so much in the last 8 months then I have in my entire life. I have days where I think it’s getting a bit better than I just hurt so bad I can’t breathe. I make myself stop and I distract, it just so hard sometimes

 

Thank you so much, B, for being brave
enough to say Randi's name. I feel by
saying her name, you are honoring her
memory. When I went to my grief counselor, a psychiatric nurse practitioner,
right after Linda died, I was sobbing
uncontrollably in her living room/ office.
The first thing I said to her was Linda's
name. It feels better, and more personal,
than just saying, my wife. I say her name to
both friends and even to some kind tourist
couples who come to my seaside town.
The amazing thing is that now, after 4
years since Linda's death, I can relate some
of the funny things Linda said. When the
different people laugh, I laugh with them,
and it makes me feel good inside. I know
that you're not at that point yet, but I know
you will be, B. Thank you for answering
me this morning. It's a good way to start the day. Lou

 

Thank you Deb, apparently I’m trying to figure out the order of post too lol. I just saw this. I was Randi’s caregiver for a year and a half, and yes it was the hardest thing I had to do,BUT I would do it all again. She was sooo great and appreciated me everyday. Yes she did get pissy at times but we still would laugh at the things she did and me too for that matter. It was an unexpected journey that we took together, I would tell her often that we would learn how to do things differently together. She would always say “but you got the harder part”. I never felt that way. Anyway, I’m so sorry for the loss the ppl have in here. I feel like I’m just dumping and you all are in pain as much as me. Every time I’ve posted in her ppl respond and I thank you so very much. Know I’m thinking of you all

 

Thank you , Deb, for welcoming and
comforting B, as I knew you would. You
are one of the kindest ( and funniest!)
people on here, and always a joy. As
you know, my fantasy is that we could
all meet , have a group hug, a good cry,
and then , a laugh. Our virtual hugs and
caring for each other, will have to do. Lou