Loss of spouse

Losing my husband was like losing half of me. The best part of me, all of the contributions I make in this world, all of it happened in some measure because he believed in me in a deep and profound manner. I’m trying to move forward, but the world is grayer, colder and lonelier than I ever imagined or feared.

 

Deborah, may I ask the name of your
husband? I think it helps in honoring
the memory of our soulmates. As I just
posted, my wife's name was Linda, and
I'm Lou.

 

His name was Steve.

 

I’m so sorry for your loss of Linda.

 

Thank you so much for your compassion
about Linda, saying her name, and
Steve's. I call us The Grief Warriors ( TGW),
bc we leave no one behind on the
battlefield of grief. Welcome to this
kind group of people who "get it". Lou

 

And none of us gets out of this alive. It’s the price we pay to bask in love.

 

Hello Deborah, I am so sorry you lost your soulmate. Your words perfectly echo mine. That's exactly how I feel, as if my whole self has been sucked out of me, and I'm just left with the shell. I'm now just a spectator in this world that keeps turning while I'm left standing still. I can only pour out my feelings on this site, where everyone will relate and understand. People in our 'real life' who haven't gone through such a tragic change of life, cannot possibly comprehend the mental and physical struggle we are having to face.
Sending you strength and take care of yourself.
Rose.

 

Hello Deborah. I’m sorry about the loss of Steve. I lost my girlfriend Cheryl 19 months ago and my name is Gary. I began grief support meetings and therapy shortly after Cheryl transitioned but I still felt shut off from the world. I found GIC 5 months later and it is a safe and sacred place to express my emotions to people who are going through the same thing. What I’ve learned is grief is a toxin. It has to bubble up and out from us or we can get all kinds of health and emotional problems. We practice the herd mentality where there is strengths in numbers. You are never alone here. Most people visit this site occasionally leave and never receive any benefits. Those who stay continue to express their feelings and heal. These are the most compassionate people I’ve ever known. You don’t have to do this alone. Gary

 

Rose, as I mentioned elsewhere, I thought
of you last night. I went with a friend,
whose soulmate died 3 yrs ago, to my 4,
to our local cafe to hear some members
from the high school band. They were
serious musicians , who played violin,
cello, and drums. A young woman with a
powerful, soulful voice, beyond her years,
moved us to tears. They were earning
tips to be able to take a trip to Italy in
April. I went up to one of the violinists
and praised her in front of her beaming ,
proud parents. During break, I found
Deborah on here and enjoyed welcoming
her to GIC,and complimenting her for
reaching out to Janiceanne. I have a
strong feeling that Deborah will join us,
bc she already said the name of her
husband, Steve, which, to me, is the first
brave step. Thank you for welcoming
Deborah. I'm sure other Grief Warriors
will, as well. Lou

 

Bro Gar, just as I was reaching out to
Rose at 7am , my time, about her kind
welcome to Deborah, you came through,
as you always do, to give comfort to
Deborah, as well. Thank you. If I'm The
Godfather of The Grief Warriors,as you
often say, you're the esteemed younger
brother , and we learn from each other
every day. Bro Lou

 

Thank you for your kind and comforting message Rose. I felt often and do feel often like I have been ripped in half. Somehow, after three years, I finally feel like I’m returning to life. I haven’t found myself yet completely, but bit by bit I feel like I’m healing and feeling alive again, instead of feeling like I’m suffering from the death of my soul. My husband was my soulmate, and I will always miss him terribly after 28 years together. Steve made me a better person. Sending you love and comfort. ❤️

 

Deborah, it warms my heart that you
stayed on GIC, and replied to our good
friend, Rose, in Italy . You & I share a
similar long time marriage with our
soulmates. Linda & I were married 25
years, and when we retired, we were
together 24/7. One of the first people I
met on this site is Robin. Her husband,
Ron, died suddenly, like Linda did, around
the same time. As my younger brother ,
Gary, says, we have to "keep on trucking"
Lou

 

Deborah, it is a very warm pleasure also for me, to hear from you again. Similar to you, and the same as Lou, I was married to my soulmate 25 years, he was only 57 when a massive heart attack suddenly, prematurely took him away from me and my two children, two years ago. We had just celebrated our silver wedding anniversary three months earlier. Still seems like yesterday, though. I understand you when you say you're trying to find yourself bit by bit, I'm trying too but struggling so much. Sharing with others here, who are all so caring and understanding has helped me a lot, since I joined in May of this year. I'm so glad I did.
Take care and hope to 'speak' to you soon.
Rose.

 

Lou, thank you for thinking of me when your 'newly acquired' musician friends talked to you about their future trip to Italy. They sound very talented, I am glad for you that you can spend time with your friend, listening to good live music, and these young violinists sound really great. How sweet of you to go up and praise one of them, in front of her parents.

Enjoy your afternoon, hope it's not getting too cold.
Rose.

 

Thank you, Rose. I have enough sense
when it's time to go home & rest. Last
night was great to be out among people,
and to get a ride home from my friend.
Tonight, however, the wind whipping
across the wild ocean, brought the temp
way down, so I'm at home , drinking hot
tea. I enjoy both aspects of my life. Being
out all the time , orstaying in all the time,
is not the answer for me. Lou

 

Deborah,

I HATE!!! having to say this so many times..., plus words can't ever truly express how sorry I am, but I hope you know how very sorry I am, that your husband, Steve, passed away. It SUCKS!!!

My husband, Bob, was sick for many years before he died, in April of 2021. It wasn't until the beginning of 2018, that I had to become his full time caregiver. By the time he passed away, he had a specialist for just about every body part. It was the hardest job I ever had to do, but, I would gladly do it all over again in a second, if I could...

One of the hardest things about the total heartbreak we're all suffering from, is realizing that our "person," the one who loved us, all of our flaws included, who would do anything for us, who knew us in a way no one else ever will, is gone (physically), and is NEVER!!! coming home again. Now we are the sole keepers of all those very special, private moments, all those inside jokes, all those "remember when's," that no one else will EVER!!! understand. I feel like a part of me, a part of my history is gone forever... It SUCKS!!!

From now on, as Robin, another GIC friend, has said, all of life becomes a mixture of happy and sad, smiles and tears... I'll take this bittersweet existence anytime over the alternative. I hate to sound pessimistic, but, this is as good as it's going to get. I no longer believe we heal, but we eventually get used to being alone, and lonely. The loneliness will remain forever, because there is NO!!! way our loved ones can come home. It SUCKS!!!

I could go on and on and on, and end up typing you one of my "books," as Vito Van Gogh, a/k/a, Lou, a friend, who you've already "met," refers to my exceptionally long posts, but, I'm going to try to keep this short.

I'm so glad you've already "met" some of our GIC "family." Finding this site several months after Bob's death, and being brave enough to post, has been, and continues to be, one of the very best things I've done to help myself. You're NOT!!! alone!!! The support you'll find here, as some of my friends have already told you, is way past amazing!!!

I hope you'll stick around, give us the chance to get to "know" you, and you the chance to get to "know" us. Welcome to our GIC "family, TGW (The Grief Warriors), as Vito Van Gogh, so appropriately named our group.

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I’m new here. I really thought I wouldn’t need any help. I have wonderful friends and family that have been looking out for me. My wife died 9 months ago and, wow, I just keep riding this roller coaster of sadness. We were together 33 years. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s at the age of 58. She died at 62. I thought I was prepared but damn I’m so not. Just writing “she died” sends me spinning

 

Glad you are here with us PatFan. My girlfriend Cheryl transitioned suddenly 19.5 months ago and my name is Gary. The holidays seem more difficult this year because of the extreme weather now. I’m not responding to half of the people I interact currently. I lost contact with three fourths of them 19.5 months ago anyway. On GIC I know I am safe with the people here who understand the impact of loss. I’m staying home tomorrow and I will check on my friends here. We offer support, encouragement, and love to each other and that keeps us going. I need a safe place to express my grief other than a therapist or in person grief support meetings. here I can communicate daily if I choose. Deb just said it so well about getting used to functioning in a happy/sad existence. It’s not easy but gradually we learn how. I’m glad you found us. Gary

 

Brother Gary, I'm so glad you will be
around on Christmas Day. We Grief
Warriors need each other, for both
" comfort and joy". Looks like I have the
flu,so I'm inside my warm apartment,
staying away from people -- physically.
But, it's wonderful to share stories , and
humor ( ! ) with my brothers and
sisters on GIC. Thank you for welcoming
another new member (PatFan), like you
always do, so kindly. Brother Lou

 

Lou, Sorry you have the flu. Stay warm drink lots of fluids and we will be with you on Christmas Day.