loss of spouse, to suicide please read

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by iamliv, Aug 18, 2021.

  1. iamliv

    iamliv Member


    My name is Olivia. I am 25 years old and a mother of 3. I lost my Husband this past March. Losing a spouse/significant other is a pain that is so unbearable. I have tried to read books, I tried therapy, and I even tried to meditate. I felt like none of these things were helping me. I tried using this live chat support but it didn't help so much. Yes, there were people who lost their spouse but, suicide; my god is a whole other thing itself. There is nights were I can't shut my brain off and the what if's pop in my head or did I miss signs or was there anything that I could've done to change things. My therapist said to me, you can't keep on living with this pain and you have to accept that theres nothing you could do to bring him back. REALITY is he is gone for good. I feel as though the only way that I could get thru this was finding other people in the same situation as me. In the end I feel in my heart what will help me learn to tolerate the pain I feel is to help others and let others help me. I created an email: allinthistogethergrp@yahoo.com and I want to everyone who sees this and wants to either just share their story to send me an email. I will respond to everyone, once I get a good volume of people we can set up like a free zoom meeting and all share and be there for one another because truth be told we all are feeling the same thing. There would be nothing more healing to just have people who care and understand you. I know that no matter what we will still have this lifetime pain but you know what I will be there for any of ya'll. I hope you all reach out! Hope to hear from ya'll soon.

  2. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

  3. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I was teary eyed when I read what you wrote. There are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss. I can't possibly begin to imagine the total heartbreak of losing a husband to suicide, and raising three children at the same time...

    Although my husband died in April of this year, the circumstances surrounding his death are very different. However, no matter how our spouses lives ended, sleepless nights, filled with "what if's", replaying the last days, hours, minutes of our spouses lives, seem to be common among us. I've been told by several who I "talk" to on this site, and by a friend who lost her husband over a year ago, that as more time goes by, the "what ifs" and horrific memories from the hours leading up to our spouses deaths, don't invade their minds as often as they did in the beginning of their grief journeys. I'm finding that now, a little over four months since my husband's death, that my sleepless nights don't include the "what ifs," but I still have miserable memories from when he was sick. Good memories also flood my mind. It doesn't matter whether the memories are bad or good, all of them have me reaching for the nearest box of tissues.

    I wish at night there was an off switch for our brains, so we could sleep peacefully. Grieving is physically and emotionally draining. It is the most challenging and difficult process imaginable.

    I'm so sorry you had to find this site, but I'm glad you did. I hope you have already connected, or will connect soon with others who are in a more similar situation to yours than I am. However, I hope you will also continue to share your story with all of us. We care and are here to support you in any way we can.

    Sending lots of hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace.

  4. iamliv

    iamliv Member

  5. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I feel the same way you do. When my husband first died, although I knew he wasn't coming home ever again, I was in a state of shock. I felt numb. Rationally I knew he was never coming back, but it felt so surreal, like it couldn't have possibly happened. I read somewhere that these feelings are common at first, that it's our way of protecting ourselves, because reality is just too difficult to bear all at once. I think it's "normal" for the pain to get worse the more days that go by. I think it means that we're traveling farther down that miserable rocky path, so full of unexpected twists and turns, that we're doing all the hard work that grieving forces us to do. We are accepting the reality of our situations. We are making progress in our grief journeys. Sadly, there is no way to escape from all this pain. Grief has a way of catching up with us. We have to keep traveling farther and farther down this miserable path, in order to reach the end, no matter how long it takes.

    Like you, I want to do everything I can to help others reach the end of their grief journeys right along with me. I pray daily that each and every one of us will find some sort of sunshine at the end of this way too dark and gloomy path.

    Thank you for being here for me too. I'm very grateful that I found this site, and for the support of caring people like you.

    Sending you more hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.