loss of my wife.

Robin: How often do we realize how much they are missed? Only all the time. Not only the things they could do with ease, but their smile, their hug, their touch, and all the little things that you and I know so well. How much do we miss them? I must admit that I often wish that fate had taken me with Janet instead of having to make do without her.

How am I? Kind of you to ask. I pretend to be busy with routine tasks, but I am really focused on a higher calling. I talk to Janet every day and look for signs that she is near; such as the whisper of her voice when westerly winds gust through the screens on the porch or her "joy" at the sudden appearance of grebes on the lake or the "diamonds on the water" when the sun reflects on the ripples. There are so many moments that we shared together that I look for every day. She told me that there would be times when I would feel her presence, and when it happens, it's a really good day. I hope that you are able to somehow feel Ron's presence. Janet and I are very spiritual believers, and I'll bet that you and Ron still share some of your special moments. Jeff.

 

Good morning Jeff,

How are you doing this morning? It’s okay to be wherever and however you are. There are no rule books. It’s good to schedule times for conversation because you need to have something to look forward to. Talking helps. I still write letters to Steve, and sometimes I do it every day if it helps. I’m happy to hear that you’re feeling Janet’s presence in all of those moments that echo your life together. Take care of yourself and keep coming back. I know I used to feel frustration when people told me that it would be easier eventually, and I didn’t want things to be easier. I felt close to Steve in the intense pain, especially considering how horrible cancer was, ravaging his daily with pain and weakness. Keep coming back. Find something to do today to feel close to Janet, and keep her close in your heart. Hugs and comfort. ❤️ Deborah

 

Jeff, you’re right all counts. The little things are really missed the most. Ron and I owned and ran a business together. We were together 24/7. We communicated without words most the time. I’d be busy at my my sewing machine, we had an upholstery business, something would make me look up at Ron. Sure enough he was looking at me. I miss every thing, big and small about him. I even miss his snoring that kept me up nights. And yes Jeff, I feel Ron’s presence all the time. We discussed it, who ever passes first to please try to leave messages that you’re with the other. Ron was by my side within hours of his passing. After he passed, my daughter and I were with him and as I’m holding him and hysterically crying I reminded Ron to please visit and be with me. Show me you’re with me. After leaving the hospital and gettin home with my daughter, a few hours later I kind of dozed off. Then jumped awake, looking to my left, right over my shoulder, Ron was there, looking at me. Now, it’s a special memory, then I was in total shock. But he hasn’t disappointed me at all, he walks me through projects that I have no business even trying. He helps me find tools. I’ve felt him hold me in bed, Ron will always be a part of me. Just like Janet is a part of you. They are a part of us and with us forever. Ron is my inspiration every day, and I want him to be proud I’m his wife. I know he is. I’m so happy to hear you feel Janet’s presence, so many people don’t have that and that is a most wonderful feeling. Those moments are what keeps me going. I understand the need to stay or act busy, I do that too. But Ron is always on my mind. People think we heal and move on. After spending a lifetime with someone that’s a very hard task. We do get stronger. I hope you’re having a good day, and that you feel Janet’s presence. Robin

 

Deborah, I greatly appreciate your supportive words and those of Robin and others, all of whom understand and empathize with the grief that we all commonly share. While the specifics of our stories are all different, our needs all seem to be in common. Having been met with awkward skepticism in some other venues, it is so rewarding to openly share such personal stories and be warmly accepted on this site. I certainly relate to how you felt close to Steve as he suffered the ravages of cancer. I also noticed that you made no mention of your own suffering as his caregiver. Your thoughts were only of him. I was Janet's sole caregiver in her fight with cancer, and I know what you went through. Always remember how much it must have meant to him to look up and see your loving face providing his care and not just the face of some, no matter how well-meaning, other person. I hope those around you understand the suffering that you had to silently endure in your own way. Jeff.

 

Robin,

Deborah, you described so well the feelings we're all going through, I often don't write because I can't find the words to express myself, so many new emotions I've never felt before in my life.
I want to renew my best well-wishes for your mother, I hope she is not suffering too much. I can only imagine how distressing and painful it must be for you.
Sending you a hug.
Rose

 

Robin, your words resonate so much. I mirrored myself in your post, missing all those "little things" we would share daily, with your Ron and my C.
I went through a very bad moment suddenly yesterday, while my daughter and I were completing "silly" official forms on an internet site. It has become impossible to talk to "humans" when sorting out official stuff, they just tell you to download the app or send an email which they never reply to! Anyway, the procedure asked for copies of my husband's documents and also his
dxxxx certificate (Sorry, can't use that word), and when I went to get them out of that dreaded file we have, to scan them, I almost had a breakdown, I had to fight so much to hold back the tears (for my daughter's sake), I was trembling, sweating, wanted to scream, but most of all, I felt like I was declaring false information. I thought to myself, what am I doing? That horrifying piece of paper still seems unreal to me, as if it's a joke, as if it's something invented. I just won't get it into my head, no matter how much I try.
You're right about their presence being with us Robin, it's what helps us go on, together with GIC. ❤️
A hug to you.
Rose

 

anybody here

 

Hello Kelso, how are you today?

Rose

 

hi rose. not to good as usual

 

is there a live chat room.

 

I think there is, but I don't know much about it. I am in a very different time zone.

 

will any one be here tonite thurs,

 

Sorry Kelso, the time you posted this message was way past my bedtime, I'm at least six hours ahead over here.