Loss of my wife

Debster, DEB, the woman with the
compassionate and humorous outlook, is
back! I know she would be, all the way
from "TUTTAMVILLE". Joe, it was good
that you could smile at DEB'S unique
phrases. Hard to believe now, but
someday you will have a belly laugh,
or, as brother Gary says, a LMSO
( laugh my sad off). Brother George,
who mourns the death of his dear
Valerie, after many yrs of marriage,
has entertained us with ever changing
nicknames. My most common one is
Louster.

 

DEB, I can speak for all of us that I'm
delighted you have a "fur baby" dog in your life, even though caring for her,
without Bob, is bittersweet. As for you
not being a "delicate flower", as Linda
used to say, neither am I. Sometimes we
just have to let out an F-bomb, in addition
to a good cry. As Gary says, it's harmful
mentally, physically, and emotionally to
hold all the grief inside. Louster

 

Thank you Deb. I never thought we wouldn't be together forever. And I always thought I would go first. She didn't deserve any of what life dealt here, and she didn't deserve this.
This is all so overwhelming. To do this everyday over and over. It seems impossible.

 

Joe, about to go to bed, but wanted to say
I'm glad DEB came out of hiding, busy with
her new dog, to make you smile. I'm proud
of you, brother Joe , for staying on here,
and talking with people in the same boat---
on a stormy, unpredictable sea, as
Bernadine says. Please try to get some
rest. If you can't sleep through the night,
perhaps a nap in the afternoon, but
preferably not longer than a half hour,
bc it would disrupt the next night's
sleep. Lou

 

Joe, this is Karen known as Ms Hum. I just read your post losing your wife. So terribly sorry. I lost my husband going on 3 years now to sarcoma cancer. We were married 39 years and his loss is still so new to me.
I was going to respond to your post about Nicole but after reading Deb's post here there is nothing more I can say. I do hope you stay with us. There is a circle of friends here living with Mr. Grief as I call him sharing this awful journey together. There is support here and you can share anything that's on your mind, anytime no judgements. K

 

Hi Karen. Thank you. I have many things on my mind. All of them awful. But I do see the support in this group. I'm still trying to figure this out. It's just so all consuming

 

Hello Deb,
I can just be Deb A. You were here first! I’m too lazy to type my entire name. I maybe should just use D.

It’s so good to see everyone here, lightening the load, the burden of grief. ❤️

D

Like Prince, the grieving woman formerly known as Deborah A.

 

Dear Joe,

This all will take time. Give yourself time. The pain and the grief are so intense, huge and inescapable at the beginning. It’s hard to picture what is ahead, and even harder to believe that anything will be good anymore. Somehow, in these darkest moments, we can see a sliver of light from the love that has filled our lives and hearts when our soulmates were still with us. It’s still there, because love never dies.

Remember that. And talking to Nicole might help, too. I talk to Steve, out loud and in front of my cats. I think they are convinced that I am talking to them. I think about the thousands of tears I have shed in the last few years, and I believe each of them squeezed out a little bit of the pain and grief, making room for me to remember and feel the love that I shared with my husband. The pain will never be gone completely, but as time passes I am feeling more of the love. May it be so for you as well. ❤️
Deborah A.

 

Louster,

Thank you. I've wanted to adopt a dog for such a long time!!!, TUTTAM!!! I'm fostering her until Feb. 2nd, when she is going to be spayed at the clinic, that's part of the rescue. As soon as I drop her off for her appointment, I can sign the adoption agreement, and she will officially be the newest furry member of my family. I'm totally madly in love with her!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Backing up a bit, she was found, pregnant on the side of a road, no identifying info. Whoever found her kept her until her puppies were born, 8 in all, found homes for 5 of them, then called the rescue to pick up Skye (my soon to be fur baby), and her remaining three puppies. Best guess, she's between 3-4 years old, half English Setter mix, but I've been told she also looks like an Australian Shepard, maybe a mix of the two, or might even be a purebred. The adoption manager at the rescue, and the trainer who is going to be working with her, both think that she might have been used for breeding, a moneymaker for someone, then discarded like a bag of trash. It breaks my heart every time I think about what might have happened to her in the past. She is by far, one of the sweetest, most gentle, loving, and intelligent dogs, I've known.

She loves everyone she meets. We've had several girls' days out, shopping at PetCo, and I even brought her to my bank. We were at the bank for about an hour, and she loved all the attention and "cookies." (I know the assistant manager, she loves dogs, and wanted me to bring Skye to the bank to meet her.) Even the manager came out of his office to give her a "cookie." It's amazing how well behaved she is in public places. I think eventually she'll make a good therapy dog.

On the down side, Skye has extreme separation anxiety, most likely a result of whatever type of abuse she was forced to endure. She's my Velcro dog!!!, TUTTAM!!! It's apparent she is used to being in a crate, and will go into her "room," whenever she hears the vacuum, (she's terrified of "Mr. Vacuum,") to eat, or nap, but!!!, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, only when I'm home. When I'm not home, she has extreme separation anxiety, and will excessively drool(?)/pee (?) in her "room." It's super frustrating, and takes forever to clean up, but with time, she'll learn that she has finally found her forever home, that I will NEVER!!! leave her. I've been told extreme separation anxiety is common with rescues.

The one thing that doesn't make any sense, is that someone trained her. She knows all the commands that are taught in basic obedience, walks nicely by my side, and will sit, wait politely, if I stop to talk to someone, but as soon as she sees a squirrel, it's all over, lol... She is definitely a hunting breed or mix. She even sits and waits patiently after I put her bowl down, and won't eat until I tell her to "go get it." She also gives high fives, definitely not something she learned during the two weeks she spent in the rescue! I put her bed next to mine, and when I tell her it's bedtime, she goes into the bedroom, lies down, and waits for me to cover her with a blanket. She stays like this the entire night, my angel/devil dog...

I'm thinking I just wrote you one of my books just about Skye, but when it comes to the new furry love in my life, I could keep on "talking" and "talking, and "talking," as I used to say, outlasting even that Energizer Bunny, lol...

Having said all of this, as you so perfectly said, it's so bittersweet having Skye, without Bob, here with us (physically). Bob would have loved her just as much as I do. Whenever I think about this, I need a tissue..., but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, I like to think that Bob knows Skye is now part of our family. I know this would make him so very happy... I need another tissue... F*CK!!! YOU!!! MR. GRIEF!!!, TUTTAM!!! (Louster, I agree, sometimes we just need to let out that F bomb!!!, TUTTAM!!!)

I hope all is well, life is as good as can be expected, in your corner of the world....

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace, all the way from TUTTAMVILLE, Debster

 

Beautiful story book. Congratulations for loving Skye and giving her the best home and owner she could ever have. K

 

Deb,

I'm lazy too, lol... It doesn't matter who got here first. There is plenty of room in our GIC "family," for more than one Deb!!! So, if you're too lazy to add on the A., don't bother.

Now I can't get "Purple Rain," out of my head, but it's okay!!! I always liked that song. Brings back some over the top crazy memories...

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB, The Debster, (Just) Debster, Deb, etc, etc, etc.

 

Karen,

Thank you... I believe that Skye and I were meant to meet, just as in what seems like a lifetime ago, my widowed friend, who lives a couple blocks away from me, were meant to meet.

It's so nice to hear from you. I've missed you!!!, TUTTAM!!!

How's Winky??? I bet she's getting big, and is into everything, lol... Dogs and cats, you just got to love them!!!, TUTTAM!!! My daughter, in her free time, volunteers at a rescue for cats. She's been fostering two siblings who needed to be socialized before they would be able to find their forever homes. They're finally ready, and she's bringing them back to the rescue today.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb,

I talk to Bob all the time, as if he was still here, too. I believe that Bob, Steve, and everyone of TGW, our GIC "family's" one true love of their lives, is watching over us, and will always be watching over us, right up until the moment when our time on earth is up, and we're reunited with them for eternity.

You said it so perfectly, "love NEVER!!! ( for a little added emphasis) dies. Bob, Steve, Nicole, and everyone else's one true love of their lives, helped make us into the people who we are today, they are a part of us, and always will be. Whenever I have a difficult decision to make, and lately I've had way too many of them, I talk to Bob out loud, asking him for advice. I like to think he's guiding me as I'm deciding how to handle every difficult situation.

I need a tissue.... Life is so over the top bittersweet, it SUCKS!!!, TUTTAM!!! I hate to be a pessimist, but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, to repeat myself once again, I believe bittersweet is as good as it's going to get, so I'll take it. It's so much better than the alternative, TUTTAM!!!

As always, sending you lots of love and hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Dear Deb,
It does effing suck! Bittersweet and never without a tug at the heart. I’m grateful for my two cats, who surround me with their unconditional love! Otherwise I would have to wait for church, and since COVID, no one hugs anymore. You will need to explain to me what TUTTAM is. I’m so grateful for everyone here, fighting grief and loneliness with love and hope. Otherwise it would just suck!
Hugs, love and comfort to you!
Deborah A. From the frosty upper Midwest.

 

This is to everyone who has gone past 1 year. I'm finding it very hard to find myself. Self: One's consciousness of one's own being or identity. I feel myself went with my husband and my son. I know I had a "self" before and I know it's somewhere within me. Does this make any sense to anyone? Did your identity which you were born with resurface again? Hum!. Thanks for listening, Karen

 

Ms. Hum, your ponderings always make
sense to me. I was born & raised in a
different small seaside town from where I live now. I met Linda in the city, and when we
retired, wedecided to move to her small
town by the sea, where I live now. Like
Moses, and Martin Luther King, Jr,she
never got to see the Promised Land, in
my case, my apartment. The saving grace
is she knew she was back home, bc rehab
unit/ nursing home is in our town. I love
the fact that I can walk everywhere, and
I gave up my car.Linda &I went back to
my hometown, and the magical charm
of my boyhood was gone: the old
fashioned movie theater and small
library, both of which I could walk to.
Now, one had to drive everywhere, to
a sterile multiplex of movie screens, and
a needlessly huge library . Now, as a
senior, I've come full circle. My town has
an old fashioned movie theater , with
curtains, and a small library. This is now
my forever home, as Linda knew and
hoped it would be. Louster

 

Your town sounds enchanting.

 

Yes, Ms. Hum, I feel blessed. The ocean is
in my soul. Linda and I traveled cross
country , down South, the Midwest , and
to Florida, but found the friendliness of
the locals, and the 4 seasons, to be the
best for our needs.The worst is the cold
winter winds off the water. But, if I can
just get through February. hopefully
March will be mild. Summer is my
favorite, both for warm temps, and more
people to meet. I say a short prayer of
gratitude to God every morning, when I look out to sea, for letting me live, and in
this place. Lou