Loss of my mother and sister within weeks of each other

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Cat1, Nov 22, 2018.

  1. Cat1

    Cat1 New Member

    My mom passed away July 21 of this year and my sister 7 weeks later. I was taking care of my mom since she broke her hip in 2015 and then she was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis a year later. Her illness got worse since January of this year and she was put on hospice in April. From April until her death I moved in with her and had my daughter and son and my brother help to take turns staying the night. There’s a lot more to my story in taking care of her but since the year 2000 I have been a caregiver for both my in-laws and my parents. That’s all I knew. How do I deal with the grief? How do I move on? Then when I lost my sister in September of a drug overdose I felt so overwhelmed. I try to hide my feelings from everyone because I’m trying to be “strong”. And no ones knows deep inside I just want to fall apart. I feel broken, I can’t sleep, my anxiety is overwhelming and I’m trying to go back to a normal routine but it feels so mechanical and not a normal routine that I feel useless. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how I feel. Any suggestions? It’s been 4 months and I feel like it’s not getting any better.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your mother and sister. I don’t have any words of wisdom for you. Things will never be the same and you will never “get over it”. I think the best we can hope is to adapt.
  3. Cat1

    Cat1 New Member

    Thank you. Yes I’m trying to do that. Being on this site has helped me as I read what others have gone though or are going through. I know it will take time to heal. Some days are worse than others and I know everyone grieves differently.
    Lue Treacer Brown likes this.
  5. My husband died 12-29-18,my mother died on 1-29-19,and a very fav.uncle(my moms younger brother) 2 days after her service.I can identify.I do not have all the answers but I do believe if we allow it some healing can happen in time.I seem to do better when I'm busy.But the weather has been quite cold and I believe when spring is here and you can get out more it will help.I think sunshine can be healing.It seems to make you less depressed and gives a feeling of hope.Not sure of the weather where you live but I do feel like that could be a drawback for some in Feb.You will always have the memories but their deaths will not be as painful I hope.I'm feeling like I'm not quite alive and very lost,sad,grief-stricken and I have found that even the voices on tv can be some comfort.I would love to sleep one whole night through.The people you are trying to hide your feelings from most likely would not completely understand.
  6. Cat1

    Cat1 New Member

    Thanks for your response. I’m sorry for your losses as well. Going through one loss is hard enough but then when you have more on top of that it’s so hard. I have noticed as you mentioned that by keeping busy it has helped me. It’s usually on my road home, or when I’m by myself, or when I’m about to go to bed that it hits me. It has gotten better but of course I have bad days still as I’m sure everyone goes through that. Hopefully time will heal. Thanks
  7. Cat1 I can identify with you as

    I lost my husband,mother,fav-uncle in5 wks.I am having such a difficult time some days and some days not as bad and hopeful that I will be somewhat happy again afterall I'm somewhat handi-capped.I have noticed the feelings of desperation is worse on cold, gray,dark,cloudy,rainy days in which is today all of the above.Since we cannot control the weather we need to be able to get our lives in order.I have some of the keys but cannot always make them work.I have encountered extreme emotional pain when alone and for some reason when driving and worse yet in store especially Walmart or grocery.I use electric scooter in stores and when I'm shopping on it I tend to think about everything that has happened.People in general act sympathatic but actually do not want to hear about it and wonder why you don't forget about it and move on.My tragedies happened on 12-29-2018,1-29-2019,2-6-2019.A total of 39 tragic days.Cat1 I'm saying a special prayer for you right away and God Bless You.
  8. Fmf

    Fmf Guest

    I am sorry to hear of your losses. My losses are my husband and my dad. They died within 24 hours of each other from two unrelated events. My husband had pancreatic cancer that had metastasized - he had only been diagnosed three weeks prior and my dad had a hemorrhagic stroke. Keeping busy does help but I have to admit I resent people when they say it. As if keeping busy will change what has happened. To me the mornings and the nights are toughest . It’s just been a month since this happened.
  9. Missmyangels

    Missmyangels Active Member

    Hi Cat1.. I know exactly how you feel... I lost my big brother (my only sibling) to suicide in September 2018... 34 days later my mom collapsed and never woke up.. after six days in the hospital, she passed away. I think having to bury her first born and only son was just too much for her to handle. I know all about living on auto pilot.. I feel like there are huge chucks of my days that I don't even remember because my mind is always so focused on trying to make sense of what happened to them. My mom was fine the night before she collapsed.. as fine as she could be I should say. Something inside her died the day she received the news about my brother. Something died in all of us.. because it didn't make any sense.. He was very successful, had a master's degree and his professional engineer's license.. He had a wife and two little girls.. he didn't drink or use drugs.. he didn't even smoke cigarettes. He was the director of engineering at his company and a university professor. He had it all and always seemed so happy. NOBODY saw any reason for concern. That's why it is so hard to try to figure out why he did what he did. I know I have to let that part go because I will never know.. I will never know why.. he took that with him. And I will drive myself insane if I keep trying to understand.. I am very sorry for your losses and I hope one day you find a glimmer of peace...