Loss of my Husband

Robin, I'm so happy for you that you manage to keep your Ron's truck going. It must mean a lot to you, I totally understand. In the end we had to sell the car, the battery was completely gone, and since we don't have a garage, we just have a wide, open canopy in our backyard, it was so sad just to see it wasting away. I can't explain how heartbreaking it was to see it go.
Just like you Robin, for me now, everything I do, for my home, for my children, I do it to honor my C, that's what keeps me going. I can't believe this is the third Christmas without him, I sometimes wish I could 'stop' time. I absolutely dread the thought of his absence becoming more and more longer. For the first two years, it felt like he was just temporarily away for a while and we were waiting for him to come back. Now, the reality is starting to sink in, but then again it isn't. My mind is still paying tricks on me, I don't accept that he just can't be here anymore, he must be somewhere, we just can't see him. The fact is that this devastating loss that me and my family have been suddenly hit with, has made me reflect for the first time in my life on so many aspects of humanity and the miracle of our creation. I've become more susceptible to the wonders of nature. I came across a pretty little ladybird strolling around on my piano, the other day. Another sign? I let it crawl on to my hand, gazing at it in wonder, as if I'd never seen one before! Well, on my piano, I haven't!
Sending you comfort and strength for this period, we will all get through this together, kicking out Mr Grief, like Deb says.
Rose.

 

Lou, hoping you recover from your cold soon. This time of year we are inundated with all types of viruses all around us, unfortunately. They find fertile ground, as they say, in winter climate.
Hoping you can still get to your local cafe and listen to great live music.
Rose.

 

Thank you so much for your words of
encouragement regarding my cold, Rose.
Like yesterday. I woke up around 1am,
with a stuffy nose. Though irritating,
along with my fatigue, I take care of
myself , as Janiceanne, a new member,
kindly suggested, with lots of herbal tea
and sleep. I am grateful it isn't COVID,
which I had a year ago. It is very cold
this coming weekend, so I've scratched
my plans, incl the Friday night live
music at the cafe. I would not want to
give my cold to anyone else,and I want
to rest in my warm apartment. Nothing
much is open during Christmas day,so
it makes sense to relax,and take a break.
I'm thankful for a friend who dropped
off food for me in my hallway. I'm also
grateful for friends like you on GIC, who
are available 24/7. Stay well, and stay
warm. Lou

 

Rose, your words to Robin about your
missing C. are parallel to mine. The first 2
years after Linda died, were the worst,
and I had intense crying jags in the
middle of the night. crying out to Linda,
that I missed her, loved her, and wondered
where her spirit had gone. After 4 years,
I still cry most mornings , but "pick
myself up & get back in the race", as in
Sinatra's song, "That's life"......Lou

 

Rose thats lovely about the lady bug. It does seem like our love ones are gone on a trip. I use to thing that I was having a nightmare about Gant being gone. I'd look for him every morning when I woke up hoping that it was just a bad dream. I use to see a red bird every morning as I was taking my kids to school. I felt like it was him waiting on us because he use to be the one to take them to school. Its good that we have each other on this site to help us on this knew journey of life.

 

Thank you Rose, Bill could really use the prayers. He has multiple health issues but his sight is really an issue. He is such a talented musician. I know he misses writing, it was his passion and what kept him going. He’ll be happy to hear you enjoyed his music and are praying for him. Bill is alone, he has no family and was forced to move out of the home he was living in. The counselor he had when his wife Janet passed from brain cancer, she has befriended him and I’m in touch with her. It breaks my heart that this is how things are for him.
On another note, I love reading about the signs or visits you’ve had from “C”. They’re so special. I ask Ron if it’s him too. And I get the answer by the flickering again. I love how you saw “C” in your bed. I’ve had multiple visits where I see Ron. He has held me in the night and started to leave and I ask him to please stay longer and he does. It’s such a wonderful feeling, impossible to explain just how wonderful it feels. Ron turns on my kitchen tv very often. And many times when I’m standing next to it. It can be startling.
I’m sorry you had to selll your car. I know exactly how I would feel selling Ron’s truck. But you did what felt right and were strong enough to do that. I respect your decision and I’m sure “C” does too. I also agree with you whole heartedly on how we look at things now. The little lady bug, now means so much more. I’ve always loved nature and all creatures great and small. But I’m much more in tune and enjoy their existence so much more. Rose, thank you for sharing and thank you so much for your kind words and prayers for Bill. He’s in a bit of a dark place right now. I reach out to him most days and he appreciates it so much.
We will definitely get through these and any tough days together. We got this! Might not look pretty but we move forward never the less. Robin

 

Robin,

I'm so sorry to hear about Bill's poor health. He probably won't remember me, but he was one of the first to welcome me to GIC. In that message, he included a song he wrote for his wife, Janet. It was so beautiful... I kept playing it over and over again, I couldn't stop crying... He also encouraged me to keep a journal. I took his advice, and continue to write in it daily. As you, and Rose have said, he's a very talented musician. It's heartbreaking that he isn't able to write anymore.

I thought about him often, and when I no longer "saw" him on GIC, I was worried. I tried messaging him, but never got a response.

I always include our GIC "family" in my daily prayers, but now I'm saying extra prayers for Bill. I will always remember him for the kindness he showed me, when it took everything I had, to be brave enough to post on GIC.

As always, sending lots of hugs and love to you, Teddy & Slinky, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Deb, Bill is such a kind hearted man. He deserves so much better. An Uber driver has befriended him and drives him for free. She invited him for Thanksgiving dinner but then she got Covid. His counselor encouraged him to have a journal and it helped him and he shared that with many people on GIC. I found it hard to journal. I always just told Ron what I was thinking. Anyway, thank you Deb for the extra prayers for Bill. I will forward your kind words to him.
Take care Deb, hope you’re doing well. The holidays are tough. But we’ll get through. Robin

 

I live in a suburb of Minneapolis.

 

Deborah, it took me a minute to figure
out why you said where you live. Were
you replying to Janiceanne , from S.C.,
who asked you before Christmas? We had
so many messages. I hope Janiceanne
sees this! That's why I try to direct my
posts to certain people, and others put a
"LIKE",or join in , if the spirit moves.
Thank you. I find it interesting to see
where the members live . Right now, you
may be the only one in Minnesota, and I'm
the only one in Massachusetts. But, there
are 4 widows in South Carolina. Lou

 

I just had to write tonight. My close friend's husband died on Christmas Morning. He had not been ill in fact he just had a physical. I just sat and cried for her and her family. I have been living in a bubble thinking and crying about my loss. Yes, I miss Tom every minute of each day. Tonight I realized that it is not just me that I cry for it is for everyone's loss. This is so much bigger than me. Each day is a gift because tomorrow is the unknown and we have no ability to control our fate or that of our loved ones.

 

I'm sorry for your friends loss. You definitely know what she is going through and can be a big support for her. Its something everyday. You sad a mouthful because everyday is definitely a blessing. We all feel.like when in a bubble sometimes after a big loss so its ok to feel like that and its not just you. Support your friend the best you can but don't put too much pressure on yourself because you're still grieving yourself. As you know though it's good to have support. Praying for you and your friend to get stronger with each passing day.

 

Jsniceanne,woke up briefly around 1am,
& checked in with GIC. I'm so sorry to
hear about the unexpected death of your
friend's husband. Christmas morning
will be forever sad for her. As long as
you can, try to reach out and comfort her,
especially at Christmas. You know ,
first hand, the right things to say. But,
more importantly, to just listen to your
friend, hug her, and let the tears flow
from both of you . As Gary says, it's
better to cry, than to bottle it up, which
causes all kinds of physical and mental
problems. After 4 years, since Linda's
death, I still cry a little every morning.
How could I not, after 25 years of
marriage? Lou

 

Janiceanne, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's sudden loss of her husband. I understand this will let your tears flow even more now, but you will find strength to comfort her, you will cry together for both your husbands and try to help each other along this struggle.
We all here on this site, to cry together for our loved ones, it helps to share and support each other, eases the pain a little.
About a month ago, I went to pay my respects to a neighbour who had just lost his wife., my neighbour started talking to me about how much he respected my husband, so in the end I broke down, and he ended up comforting me instead of the other way round!

We all here for you.
Rose.

 

JaniceAnne, My heart breaks for you and your close friend. I’m so sorry for each of you. My husband also passed very unexpectedly after a physical. I know all the whys and how’s your friend is questioning in her head. All my friends here have covered everything so well already I don’t have a lot to add. Try to be there for your friend if you’re up to it. Let her know she’s not alone and everything going through her mind is normal. But each of you remember to take care of yourselves, and get fresh air.
Your last sentence is beautiful. Each day is a gift because tomorrow is the unknown and we have no ability to control our fate or that of our loved ones.So true! Keep sharing, we’re here for you as always. Robin

 

Rose, that's a beautiful story of how you
reached out to comfort your neighbor,
whose wife had died, knowing that would
not be easy for you. In the end, that
selfless act benefited both of you, That is
the essence of. Grief in Common. When
I told you about my crying out to
Linda , in a recent dream, you said you
had a sad dream about C, about the
same time, andcomforted me. Thank you
for sharing your story about your
neighbor with Janiceanne, and with all
of us. Lou

 

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. It will be difficult for her and when the time comes, right now her family is by her side, I will reach out and cry with her. We all need to have a person that understands this type of loss to be our friend. That is why I so appreciate your support so much. This site is truly a life line for me. Janiceanne

 

Deb
May I ask where you live in South Carolina?
I am in Spartanburg.
Janiceanne

 

Janiceanne,

I'm so glad so many of our GIC "family" got here before I did. I'm so very sorry to hear that your close friend's husband died on Christmas morning... My heart is truly breaking for her... Not only did she experience the very worst day of her entire life, but it was on Christmas morning... Christmas is challenging enough for all of us, without having had our spouses, significant others, partners, pass away on Christmas morning. It SUCKS!!!

My heart is also breaking for you... I'm glad you and your friend have each other to get through the very darkest of days. I have a very close friend who is also a widow. I won't go into how we met now, but I believe God meant for us to meet, to be here for each other, in ways that only those of us who have experienced this kind of total heartbreak can ever be. While this site is the absolute best!!!, I think in person friends are so very important, so very necessary for our well being. There is nothing like a real hug when you feel as though your heart has been torn in half.

I googled Spartanburg, and unfortunately you don't live anywhere near me. If we lived much closer, I would have liked to have been able to get together with you, maybe meet somewhere for lunch, but we'll have to "visit" each other here instead.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB