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Loss of my Husband

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Janiceanne, Dec 12, 2022.

  1. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    You are a softie and that's okay. I get more than a kick out of all nicknames here, I wake up laughing sometimes. Ms Hum.
     
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  2. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Ms. Hum, It's true that "laughter is the
    best medicine!". Lousterino
     
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  3. Deborah A.

    Deborah A. Well-Known Member

    That’s a beautiful story. My cats hovered around Steve’s as he was dying, and then filled my days with love. Aren’t they wonderful! It touches my heart ❤️ to hear your story.
     
  4. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Thank you Janice for sharing such a beautiful story about your first husband and Tom. I am sorry for your losses. It made me think of how Cheryl and I gave each other the best years of our lives from June of 2012 to May of 2021. Cheryl had a cardiac arrest in our home and transitioned 2 days later. Cheryl’s death was sudden and unexpected. Cheryl’s family and friends told me that Cheryl was the happiest she had ever been since we met. I had never loved or felt so much love from anyone in my life as with Cheryl. I found in person grief support meetings and started seeing a therapist but there was a huge disconnect in between. I had daily balling jags for 3 months and thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I tried every sleep med there was and maxed out my antidepressants. I believe having balling jags help us let the grief bubble up and out. I found GIC 5 months later where I can talk with someone every day. If you google 6 Needs of the Mourner it is a brief article how to navigate our grief journey. It has given me direction. Keep it as simple as you can. Take your vitamins and meds. Eat healthy meals. Exercise. Try to rest. Don’t make any sudden changes. We have to be extremely gentle and compassionate with ourselves. I’m glad you found this site and you are expressing yourself and asking questions. You could sign the cards Janice and Tom(in spirit) if you wanted. Just a thought. Gary
     
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  5. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Brother Gary, you took the words out of
    my mouth . It is always so good to see
    you welcome new members. like
    Deborah & Janice. I'm very thankful they
    will stay on with us. Brother Lou
     
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  6. Janiceanne

    Janiceanne Guest

    In your grieving you have reached out to me and each other to show love and support. I am so blessed that I have been welcomed into this group. You are all so thoughtful and caring. It seems like each day is a challenge for all of us. I send everyone love and lots of hugs. Janiceanne.
     
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  7. Janiceanne

    Janiceanne Guest

    Karen,I know how you felt about Rambo being your savior I feel the same way with our dog Princess. She is older and really loved Tom with the feeling being mutual. Perhaps he wanted the dog knowing I would need a presence in the house. I had never thought of that before your message. Thank you, Janiceanne
     
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Janice, all your questions and thoughts are things I’ve had to try to deal with also. Including the anxiety my dachshund (Teddy) gets when I run errands. before losing Ron I was at work with Ron 6 or 7 hours each day. We ran a business together, which I sadly had to close when Ron passed. Our little guy was fine alone while we were at work. But since Ron has passed he has such anxiety when I leave the house. I’m with him so much that it’s become an issue. There are a few things I do for him that seem to help. First I never say a big good bye, always a pat on his head and say I’ll be back soon. Then he gets his Kong with peanut butter. This way he is distracted when I’m leaving. I always have music playing for him or tv on. I also have an air freshener that promotes calm in dogs. I turn it on before I leave. They do make calming treats for dogs, I’ve used them, they do work. Need to give to them an hour in advance if I remember correctly. I haven’t used them in a while but they are helpful. It doesn’t make him sleep but makes him calmer. I try o leave him alone a couple times a week so he knows I’m coming home. I also have security cameras so I can watch him while I’m out. And that calms me. Hopefully something I’ve mentioned helps you and our fur baby. I used to keep Teddy contained in my kitchen but he gets upset now so he get the kitchen and living room. He can watch traffic and sleep on the couch.
    As for the truck, I was initially told to start it once a week and let run 20-30 minutes. But now I’m told I really needs to go on the road at least once a week. I have an alarm set once a week and I take it for a drive. I did lose a battery and now that I’m driving it it’s been running well. My guess and I don’t know how you feel about signs from your loved ones but I believe I’m getting signs from Ron pretty much daily. Your lights blinking with no wind or storm could very well be from Tom. Letting you know he’s with you and watching over you. Try to be open to it and if things happen that can’t be explained away some how. It could be Tom. I have lights blink and ask Ron if it’s him. He answers your blinking the lights more.
    As usual i bought bird seed to honor Ron and my favorite past time of feeding and watching the birds. I made his favorite cookies and bought his favorite snacks. Ron will be honored and remembered every day but most definitely on Christmas. We each find ways to honor our spouses this is how I honor Ron. I will feel his presence im sure of it. All the best to you Janice, BTW Janice was my Moms name. Take care, Robin
     
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  9. Deborah A.

    Deborah A. Well-Known Member

    Robin,
    I absolutely believe that I am getting signs from Steve all the time. The television is on, suddenly, and tuned to something we watched together. The lights are on suddenly. I find something, like a note from Steve. There are always signs.
     
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  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Deborah, Getting those signs leave such a good feeling. I believe they’re signs too. Ron is turning my kitchen tv on multiple times a day, lights blinking or turning on. Thank you for sharing. Robin
     
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  11. Janiceanne

    Janiceanne Guest

    Robin and Deborah,
    You have such great suggestions. I am so happy you mentioned the signs you have been having. It has been the same with me. I woke up at 3:00am two weeks ago and I had a strong feeling I should put a co2 detector in the furnace room. There was one outside the door but none in the room. Well, shortly after I put it in there it went off and now the furnace is totally off with repair coming again tomorrow. The house does not seem empty. I feel a presence. There were gloves laying on the floor the other day. I had not used or seen these gloves since last winter. Am I crazy? Also thanks the truck will go for a ride tomorrow.
     
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  12. Janiceanne

    Janiceanne Guest

    Deborah may I ask where you live.
    Janiceanne
     
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  13. Janiceanne

    Janiceanne Guest

    Gary,
    Yes, you are right about taking care of myself. It is sometimes hard to cook a full meal and eat alone but I know that I need to keep going. Vitamins I make sure I take these every day. Sleep, now that is another matter. I wake up at 5:00am pretty regular. Just thinking. Sometimes I go back to sleep and sometimes not. I cry at the most strange times. Anything can bring on the tears. Thanks for answering for me.
    Janiceanne
     
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  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Janice, it's so wonderful that you are
    sharing with Deborah, and my friends,
    Robin and Gary. It is good to stick to a
    regular sleeping schedule. I try to go to
    bed early & wake up early, especially
    in these short days of winter. But, sometimes a dream in the middle of the
    night ( I used to wake up crying when I
    realized Linda wasn't next to me) makes it
    necessary to walk over to the table, have a
    snack, and perhaps herbal tea and then, go
    back to bed. I'm fighting off a cold today,
    so I took a lot of naps. I just woke up at
    1am, and checked in with GIC. It is
    comforting to see others , who wrote posts
    after I went to sleep. Thank you. Lou
     
  15. Janiceanne

    Janiceanne Guest

    Lou,
    Stay warm and drink that herbal tea. Naps are good for a cold, helps your body fight off invaders. Hope you feel better soon. Are you in line for any of this storm headed to the East? My sister is in Michigan and the is under a severe storm watch. Being near the water her snow levels are usually high. This storm predicts strong winds, and 12 inches of snow and the usual ice on the roads and trees. She has a generator so at least if they loose power she will be ok. Also worried because she and her significant other both just came down with Covid. Talked to her last evening and she is not feeling very well. I am too far away to be any help and that bothers me greatly. Take good care Lou
    Janiceanne
     
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  16. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Janiceanne, that's terrible about your sister
    & her SO, on 2 counts: storm prediction and COVID.I'd be very angry in that
    situation , bc I have claustrophobia. I
    did have COVID a year ago. This is nothing
    compared to that. I heard it will be colder
    this weekend , in the 20s, instead of the
    usual 30s. We've been blessed here that the
    last real stretch of snow was in 2016, when
    Linda was alive. You asked where Deborah
    was from. I looked at her info, and she
    lives in Minnesota. Linda & I traveled
    the country, to Ca, Fla, and states down
    South. I feel grateful to live by the ocean on
    the northern coast of Massachusetts, and
    experience the change of seasons. As I get
    older, the cold wind goes through me, so
    I wear layered clothing in the winter, but I
    love the other seasons here, as did Linda,
    and I want this to be my forever home,
    God willing. Lou
     
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  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Janice, you aren’t crazy. These things actually happen, I’m happy for you that you’re getting signs. And the CO2 detector, Wow! He’s watching over you. You’re welcome on the truck. I was getting mixed info. Asked my mechanic and he said things dry out etc without taking it out for drives. He recommended once a week. I have RA and climbing in the truck is difficult for me but I push. I can’t bear losing the truck. But starting it is better then nothing.
    So sorry to hear about your sister and her partner are suffering with Covid. I know you wish you could help her but I’m sure you reaching out and staying in contact makes her feel your love. I’ll add them in my prayers for a quick recovery. Robin
     
  18. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’d like to ask my friends on here for a favor. Most of you know Bill. Billfromwa, also known as musicman I believe. He’s going through some health issues. He could use some extra prayers right now. He’s had multiple eye surgeries. But is still having trouble with his vision. Along with some other things. I asked permission from him to share with everyone here before his last surgery. But he answered my other questions not that one so I felt he didn’t want me too mention it. I’m hoping he won’t mind I’m asking on his behalf now. Please add him in your prayers. I’d rather you don’t message him. I will share that I’ve asked for prayers. He doesn’t want the attention plus he can’t really read messages. Thank you to all my friends in advance, Robin
     
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  19. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Robin, how thoughtful and sweet of you. When I discovered our friend Bill's talent as a musician, I immediately looked up and listened to all his pieces. Loved them! I'm so sorry to hear about his health problems, I do hope everything turns out well and that his vision will not be at risk. I will definitely be thinking of him and praying for a full, speedy recovery.
    Rose.
     
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  20. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Janiceanne, I have the same problem, whatever time I go to bed, I'm always wide awake around 5am. Even if I wake up earlier, I never manage to get back to sleep, I just start thinking and then to avoid breaking down in tears, I come downstairs, make myself a coffee, and find comfort checking in to this site. Our GW friends help me get through my day, knowing they are here to understand and share together what we're going through, is helping me to calm down a lot. So grateful to everyone here.
    I was so touched when I read about the signs you received from your beloved husband. I told my friends here about an episode that happened to me. I had switched the light on in my laundry room one day, while I was loading the washing machine, when I suddenly had one of my 'grief fits' (that's what I call them). I started screaming in desperation, and crying out to my C, asking him where he was! The light bulb suddenly flickered, I asked again, and another flicker! I stopped and the light stopped flickering too. Another time, I could have sworn that I hadn't turned on my mobile, when suddenly I saw it starting up by itself. I've had vivid dreams too, not knowing if it was really a dream or not. One time, it was already morning, I was wide awake and I'm sure of this,when I found myself getting out of bed and suddenly seeing my C lying beside me. There have been other signs, but I don't remember, this has become an enormous problem for me. My state of mind (foggy brain, as our group here very precisely call it) means I have become very forgetful, lack of concentration and totally unable to focus,at times.
    I hope your sister and her partner recover from Covid soon.
    Take care of yourself.
    Rose.
     
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