I lost my Dad a little over 6 months ago to a 10 month battle with stage 4 renal cell carcinoma. He was amazing, hilarious, goofy, an all around great person and one of the nicest human beings on the planet. He was 56, only 20 years older than me. We sort of grew up together in a sense. I was one of his caregivers. He was in the hospital for 2.5 months before getting to come home with hospice care. I drove 2.5 hours back and forth from home to that hospital over and over and never thought anything of it. I was there from the time he came home until the second he passed away. It was the most precious and vunerable time I could ever have with him. It just all seems so unfair. It's easy for people to tell me "he's in a better place now" "free from pain" "he's right there in your heart". I don't want to hear that. I want him back. Right here in front of me, healthy as a horse. I want to hug him and hear his laugh. I go through this every day all day. I've been searching for grief support groups online and really need to talk to someone that understands what I am going through to help me make sense of it I guess. I'm trying hard, I really am. Just need support.