Loss of husband in 2020 and unearthing betrayal

Thank you for your kind supportive words! I too wonder what happened to me... that zest for life laughing joking sense of joy that used to be part of me. I brush teeth, get to dialysis... just doing these things is a chore and it doesn't get any easier. I want to care but I just don't. I know I need to be patient but there is very very little I look forward to. My morning cup of crushed ice, going on GIC, sometimes reading... Not much I'm into. 2 years is definitely harder than the first year... Thank you for being there!

 

All I can say, Lombardo, is FU*K WINTER and
F*CK MR.GRIEF.........Bro Cold Lou Dude

 

Summer, so very sorry to hear about your
physical pain, on top of your grief over
Ron's birthday. What has worked for me is
that I incorporate Linda's birthday in my
passwords. I'm also aware of texting &
receiving texts on her month & day dates of
her birthday. Like you, I cry in anguish that
our soulmates are no longer with us on this
earth. Also like you , I can't wait for summer,
which will be better for both of us, and for
other GWs, especially George. Cold Louster

 

Itz so hard to pull it together lately!

 

Bro George, the Center for Loss quote today, by Anne Lamott, is especially fitting
for both of us grievers today. We have to
"wallow in the mud" of our mourning. Lou

 

I hear you loud and clear. It starts to feel like, just come home now. It’s been too long. Please come home. We need our life back. The happy people we were without even thinking about it. Ron made me laugh every day. He had a great sense of humor and could hold your attention telling stories. He used to sing to me, one song, Pet Shop Boys, Opportunities. I’ve got the brains you’ve got the looks, let’s make lots of money. Ok. Enough. It makes me cry. He’d do it from across the shop then come over and cradle my face in his hands. Oh god!! Ok I’m here to support you. We’ll find ourselves at some point. I tell my daughter that Dad wouldn’t even recognize me. She laughs. Of coarse he would. And she’s right. But I’m very different. I know it’s hard to be patient. We have no clue when things will look up. I’ve been much better then I am right now and this will pass. Need to ride it out. I know warmer weather will help all of us. It’ll help you too George. Hang in there. Valerie is in your heart to stay she’s a part of you. And on GIC, you’re not alone. Love the new piece you posted. You’re giving a lot through your art. I’m thinking you’re stronger then you realize. I notice that about myself too. Robin

 

Thank you Lou, it’s just been an extra struggle. I’ll get past this and as spring comes things will feel so much better. I already have irises , tulips and daffodils coming up. Life is coming back to my yard. I have Ron’s birthday, our meet date anniversary date all incorporated in passwords and I see them on the clock etc. but his birthday is still difficult. But I’ll celebrate his life. Feb has a lot of family who have passed and Valentine’s Day. It’s a lot. We’ll all get through we have to to honor our loved ones. Summer is coming, and we’ll get outside and feel better. Thanks again Lou. Robin

 

I understand about the two year mark, George. I passed that last November and I feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards. Our new member Helen said in another topic that during the first two years we live in a "fog', not remembering what's been happening during all this time since losing our soulmates. I relate to this feeling, but it also terrifies me because I'm now beginning to realize that my C won't ever be coming back to us. Perhaps, now though, we will be able to finally embrace our grief, live our lives in honor of our lost loves, they will always be guiding us, in mind and spirit. I believe in "continuing bonds", referring to something I read on the web.
I admire your willpower George, keep up your abstract art gallery, drawing and painting are perfect forms of outlet for our grieving souls. My "pressure release" valves are through music and nature walks.
Take care of yourself.
Rose.

 

Hi Robin, we haven't 'spoken' in a while. I'm so sorry you've been struggling more lately, it's tough facing those special anniversaries, I know. I was moved reading your recent posts, you've described so sweetly and lovingly your life together with Ron. You often mention moments when I can see so many similarities between our soulmates, especially about being able to tell stories and holding everyone's attentions, repeating to me in difficult situations: "don't worry, you've got me, I'll always be here for you". We would jokingly tease each other: "What would you do without me?" I get so frustrated and angry at times, asking him: "Well, where are you now then, when I need you most?"
I've actually been going through a particularly hard time too, maybe it's passing the two year mark, like I've just told George, the more time passes, the worse it feels. I know the Winter season doesn't help much. We've actually been lucky lately, mild weather, no more rain, but the forecast for next week is terrible, we are also in for another cold front, ice and snow. March is the worst month to get through, anything can happen.
Let's all look forward to Spring, Robin, it's just round the corner.
Rose.

 

Rose I’ve thought many times through your posts that we have so much in common. We’re alike in many ways. And our soulmates as well. Story telling is a talent. I can picture C even better now. He’s a warm loving soul, I’ve felt our losses were so similar and don’t just mean how they passed. But the life we lead and life we miss. Rose I agree with you that in certain ways the longer we’re without our life partners the harder it gets. Sometimes I wonder how am I still here how am I doing any of this. But I’m learning even though I miss Ron every second of every day somehow I am getting stronger. And I’m using things Ron taught me without even realizing. It happens naturally without a thought. Ron is with me, he’s a part of me. And C is with you as is everyone’s soulmates. We can’t touch them and spent time with them like we’d love to. But they are with us and keeping us going. We can hear they’re jokes, silly thoughts and feel the love. I’m so sorry you’re going through a difficult patch. I do believe the dark days of winter contribute to those feelings. And you’re coming into the worst month on top of it. Have you finished the doll house? I’ve started painting ceramic pieces. Something I used to do regularly. Ron bought me so many pieces. And my kids are keeping up with that tradition. It does bring me some peace. Ron will be honored and remembered on his birthday with love and we will share memories. The time when my kids thought he was a monster and I told them are you sure it’s not Daddy. Teaching our kids how to fish while on our boat. The Christmas we lost electricity and Ron made everything ok. Sorry to bore you with my memories. But in some way it feels good to share. We’re here for you Rose, things get better for longer periods and smaller bumps less often. Looking forward to spring and natures rebirth. You’ll get through March. Wishing you peace and strength.
Robin

 

Robin, the last thing you're doing is boring me. Absolutely not, I love reading about yours and every warrior's cherished memories of their soulmates. Sharing these moments together with others who 'get it' helps us through our struggle. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing we all have this special empathy towards each other. I often think back to particular events in the past and how my C would always fix everything, solving complicated situations, he always knew what to do, it was a gift he had. I'm still here because of what we've learned from him. I dream about him nearly every night, in most of these dreams he's still with us.
I think it's wonderful that your kids are keeping up your Ron's tradition of buying you ceramic pieces to paint. I find that creative hobbies provide solace for our minds, a good outlet for our 'grief stress'.
I actually live in a region where ceramic art is a very popular tradition, there are many pottery/ ceramic industries. My parents' relatives live in a little village which is famous for its pottery lab and beautiful ceramic art creations. In fact, at home I have quite a few ceramic vases and other objects, which we received as wedding gifts.
I have finished the little model house Robin, and to my surprise, I even managed to do the wire-connections, but only because I remembered watching my C when he was doing DIY electrical jobs. I would never have done it otherwise. There's a photo in the Wed Art Therapy topic if you'd like to see it.
Sending you lots of comfort.
Rose.

 

Thank you Rose, I agree that sharing our memories is helpful in our struggles as we continue this journey none of us want to be on. Talking, sharing and remembering helps so much more then initially realized. Your C and Ron were very much alike, like C, Ron had that gift of being able to fix and solve situations. He taught us so much and is how we keep taking care of things. He’s really right here with us as do everything, just like C and others here too. Thank you Rose for sharing about your region and ceramic industry. It must be a beautiful area.
I’ll look for your picture of your finished model house.
Today is Ron’s birthday, normally we would go out for breakfast on our birthdays and I have in the past but for whatever reason we didn’t plan on it today. But I’ll be making a special dinner to honor him and keep his memory very alive as we share stories. We’re getting a bit of a storm today. Seems appropriate for how I’m feeling. Calling for snow, sleet, rain and wind later today. Just need my daughter to get home safe. Our soulmates birthdays are difficult, but I’ll get through and hopefully feel stronger afterwards. Thank you Rose for your compassion and anyone else who might read this.
I’m wishing Ron a happy birthday in heaven and thanking him for watching over us every day. He’s with us forever. Robin

 

You are in my thoughts today Robin, a special hug to you and I hope you you have a wonderful, peaceful special dinner, in honor of your Ron's birthday.
Rose
❤️

 

Summer, I wish a Happy Birthday to
Ron's spirit. The year after Linda's death
was excruciatingly painful, as it was for
everyone here. On her birthday, I was in
my neighborhood bar with 3 people I had
met recently, on my usual Frday night
there. In an impromptu moment, I asked
the others to raise a glass in a toast to
Linda. They gladly did, with smiles all
around. This was remarkable, bc no one
had ever met Linda ( nobody I know now
did) , and Linda had never set foot in this
place. I smiled ,instead of cried, bc I knew
Linda would have loved this, and that
people liked her ---through me....Lou

 

Robin,

Although today is such a difficult day for you, I love how you always find special ways to honor Ron, keep his memory alive. I'm thinking you're going to be making one of his favorite meals for dinner tonight. I know Ron will be watching over you, as he always does, while you and your daughter enjoy a very special birthday dinner to honor him. I hope although today is so very bittersweet, there will be lots of smiles, maybe even a few lol moments, in between all the tears, as you and your daughter share favorite stories.

I'm glad you and Teddy are safe at home, warm, and dry. I know Ron will be watching over your daughter, keeping her safe, on her ride home.

As always, sending you, Teddy and Slinky, lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. Happy Birthday Ron!!!

 

Louster,

I love!!! this story!!!, TUTTAM!!! What a very special way to honor Linda's memory. I believe Linda was smiling down from heaven as everyone raised a glass in a toast to her...

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace, all the way from TUTTAMVILLE. Debster & Skye

 

Thank you, Debster, for your kind words,
as always, about Linda. As I've said here
before, she would've loved everyone I
love, on and off GIC. Lou

 

Hi George, GW”Family, Everyone,
I Don’t get in often, wanted to come back and thank you George
for sharing all your BEAUTIFUL paintings. This one really meant
so very much to me.It’s SPECIAL.
As I viewed your painting, I looked at it in depth, immediately it
gave me a warm, comforting, overwhelming feeling.
I can see God’s hand extended, holding the world within HIS hand,
HIS thumb on one side, HIS fingers on the other side of the world.
He was holding us all in the center, along with the BRIGHT WHITE
LIGHT.
I believe, HE is holding us all on this journey through life
in his Loving care and that HE is always with us.

I’m not good at writing or expressing myself but wanted
to thank you, please keep sharing you are amazing.
God Bless you.
Love, hugs, prayers for YOU and ALL others here.
Patti

 

Patti, as I told Karen ( who I affectionately
call "Ms. Hum" , after her famous word),
I know a man, in his late 60s,who had a
near death experience, from a bad car
crash, was in the ER, & felt his spirit
rising over the heads of the surgeons.
His spirit ascended a tunnel to a bright
white light. Then, he heard the voices of
people he knew who had died. He was
surrounded by unbelievably beautiful
colors, and felt a peace he never had.
There was a strong female ,nurturing
presence, like Mother Earth, who seemed
like God. The voice of God asked my
friend, " are you ready...?" . My friend
snapped out of his trance. He is the
calmest,kindest person I know. He
believes in both God and in an afterlife,
and so do I. Lou