Hello everyone, I'm happy to have found this forum. My husband was 55 when he died very suddenly in August of 2020. I was devastated as I loved this man with all my heart. It was a second marriage for both of us and we had been together 10 years. Three days after died I was looking at a box I found of all of our old phones over the years. I found heartwarming text messages to one another and I looked at photos. It was actually quite a calming experience for me. I looked at his call log for some reason, not sure why really, I had no reason to. I noticed a number had been calling him daily in the morning on his way to work and in the afternoon on his way home. Long calls. I knew something was wrong, so I called the number. It was disconnected, but my husband had saved the first initial and name in his phone. When I hung up from trying to call the actual first name popped up. Female. I went into his email and searched for that name. What I found changed me forever. I found two email messages where he had sent himself several screenshots of BBM conversations with a woman. I spent hours reading them. The email he sent to himself was titled "being threatened, what do I do". She stated she had been pregnant, they had been together for a few years. She was 30 and he was 55. She had a husband. I remember sitting there in stunned silence. I kept reading them hoping it was some kind of joke. I then plugged in every phone we had and started to look through them. I found over 300 screenshots of other BBM conversations with this woman. She was kind enough to have photographed herself at work, so I knew her name and I knew where she worked. I was still really in shock from the death, and now this. I ended up calling her at work a few days later. I don't really remember what I said to her, all I remember is her sitting in silence. I found her husband on facebook. They had been separated for 2 years. I sent him the screenshots I had and he and I have actually kept in touch since. Many months later I went to his laptop and found recordings of telephone calls. Each person had a file of their own, I was there, my daughter, his work, this woman. He had kept 2 years of phone calls with this woman on his computer. Everything from them meeting on Ashley Madison, to the last call they had. He had been lying to her about his life. He told her he was terminally ill and had to break off the affair. He was not ill. He told her at one point we had separated and he was living far away. Again, not true. Yes, I did listen to nearly all the calls. I wanted to see what their reality was. Finally, about 6 months later I learned that everything he had told me about his life was a lie. I won't go into detail, but pretty much everything. I then found out via a business card for a therapist that he had been having sex with men since he was in his early 20s. I went for a full STD panel which was thankfully negative. I have sold everything that had been his. I took his ashes to NYC and spread them in Central Park. He loved it there. My daughter went with me, and she left me alone while I did this. I told him how much I loved him and how I will never forget our time together. I didn't mention the betrayal. I sold my wedding ring set last weekend. Not for monetary reasons, just to give someone a chance to have a really nice ring for about 10 percent of its value. A very sweet young man bought the ring and told me how grateful he was. I've burned through several therapists. My situation is so unusual I guess it's hard for them to provide therapy. I've been referred to someone who specializes is Betrayal Trauma and associated PTSD. I have one nightmare that doesn't seem to want to go away that bothers me a lot. For the first year when I thought I was only dealing with the girlfriend I obsessed about her, a lot more than what was healthy. Since I've learned the rest, I have moved on from that because I realize now he didn't love her. He didn't love me, he didn't love himself. I am really looking forward to connecting with people here. I apologize for the long note. Sometimes it feels good to get it out there. I have only told 3 people. His mother is in her 80s and I didn't think it was necessary for her to know these things about her son. She loved him and she grieves the loss. I guess that's one thing I forgot to mention. I do not grieve his loss at all anymore, I really didn't from the day I found the affair.