loss of grandmother

It's coming up on two years since I've lost my grandma. I'm still struggling to accept it and find happiness. My grandma lived a long, full life almost making it to her 95th birthday. I am extremely thankful I had her for so long but she was my best friend. I feel such a void. I miss her calls of support and love. It's hard to talk to others about it because they assume I'm over it and I should be fine by now. I'm very grateful I was with her until the end but I also saw the worst. I was mad at my brother for not visiting her when she was really going downhill but at the same time, I'm a bit jealous that he didn't have to see her like that. The visuals of seeing her go so down-hill mentally and physically haunts me. I try to remember the good times but I spiral into my own panicked heartbreaking thoughts of just seeing her in pain and her being unable to move or talk and just not looking like herself.

I have saved voicemails from her that I just haven't had the courage to listen to or delete but I desperately miss her voice. Not sure when the right time is or if I even should listen to them.

I just feel alone in all of this.

 

I would try and listen to the voicemails, you'l cry and it will hurt but I think you might feel warmth after doing so. I was scared to listen to a you tube video that has my wife in it but it brought comfort hearing her voice. Dan

 

I can imagine how you feel. I lost my grandfather recently, he was my bestfriend aswell. Just like you, I have saved pieces of him like voice messages and videos. But I cant imagine actually playing them. It seems like it will only hurt more because the initial problem is the loss of a person I so deeply miss. The videos and voice recordings are stuff I imagine can fule the longing. I don't know about you, do you also feel like you will never come to terms with and accept this loss? I feel like I need hope that we will one day be reunited because it is simply too extreme to think that such a deep, pure and unconditional love/care will just end like that and vanish into thin air.... I don't know the answer, but I truly HOPE that not even death can eternally separate us. However, it is heartbreaking. I don't know if I offered any consolation with this reply, but I hope it feels somewhat good to know you are not alone in feeling this way. It surely helped me a little to know I am not the only one missing my grandparent on such a deep level.

 

Next month it will be it 3 years I just can’t move forward

 

Hi, Janet,
I am so sorry that you have suffered these losses of people who were so important in your life.
I want to encourage you to hold on. Three years may seem like a long time to you, but it really is a relatively short time when it comes to grief. I know it is so hard and many people don't and can't understand, but here you can find support from those who have had terrible losses and have found strength in God to continue on. Please stay connected with us and share your feelings as you feel led. Sometimes it can provide a little relief.
Be kind and good to yourself and most of all be patient. Healing doesn't come quickly to those who have suffered a great loss, but it does come if you will give yourself more time.
I care and send you love and hugs,
Chris