My only daughter died on 7th December 2020 after 11 months of cancer treatment. She was 15. I separated when she was 3 because her dad was a ok guy but very controlling towards me after she was born. My own childhood was unhappy and it took me years to realise that being hit, insulted and humiliated regularly by especially my mum was more than just a strict Catholic upbringing. After separating I created what I think was a happy family consisting of just Allie, me and the cat, and I was proud of myself for having created a happy home against the odds. She was funny, smart and sweet when she wanted to and we shared a silly giggly sense of humour. The cancer diagnosis came during Covid and right from the beginning it was bleak. I thought that things would get easier over time, but they actually seem to be getting worse. I don't want to actively commit suicide but I can't find any joy in living anymore. Thanks for reading.