Loss of both parents in 3 weeks

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by warbird281, Feb 20, 2022.

  1. warbird281

    warbird281 New Member

    Hi. My mother died Nov 16 while on at home hospice care after developing a rapid aggressive case of ovarian cancer, and my dad died Dec 6 in the hospital unexpectedly of advanced lung disease, or so they said. My mother was fine in May and just suddenly went downhill quickly, my dad had been declining since 2020 and had smoked for over 60 years and couldn't quit. At the same time, a few days after my mom died, my wife got upset and packed her car and left to go back to her hometown 300 miles away and collapsed 8 days later from septic shock and dka. She had a wound on her leg that wasn't properly addressed here by the ER here. She was on a ventilator for a week and I thought she was going to die also, right when my dad had died. We lived in the same home as my folks and watched after them. Staying in the empty house alone was torment, I drank a river and it didn't help. Seeing the empty spaces where they once sat and slept, all alone, with my wife 300 miles away in the ICU on life support thinking she might die also. I haven't recovered from that, I never had felt so much pain. It about broke me, and it was the fist time I actually contemplated suicide.. how I would do it and so on. I was losing my entire world all at once, the only 3 people in my life who I knew for a fact really did care about me and I the same for them. While my dad was in the hospital, I thought he was going to be OK and discharged in the next few days when I got a call from one of my wife's friends telling me to come down right away because she was in critical and no one knew if she was going to make it or not. So, I left the next morning to drive down there to see what was going on and got my sister to to be with our dad while I was gone. 2 days later, I got a call from my sister saying my dad had suddenly taken a turn for the worse and that I needed to get back home quickly, they wanted him to go to hospice care which was a shock to me. I went back to the hospital where my wife was to see her in a coma and wrote her a letter, kissed her on the head and then hit the road back home. I stayed at the hospital with my dad for a couple of days. He was in really bad shape and had declined so quickly. He died 3 days after I got back while I was in the next room talking on the phone. I had missed both my mother's death and fathers death by 5-10 minutes while I was feet away. I got to tell my mother that I loved her before she her mind went right before she died and she understood and told me the same, my dad was too far gone to comprehend anything the last few days of his life which hurts me and I regret. My wife recovered and is home which I thank God for, but she has to go to wound care and uses a wound vac until she heals. Things between us will probably never be the same and I wonder how much longer we will be together, but at least she is alive. Either way, I am going to have to go on anti-depressants somehow because I still can't deal with it. It all happened too fast and it messed me up a bit and I can't fully snap out of it. I don't talk about it or show it much, I try to hide it.
    Sorry for the rambling, but thanks for listening.
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear of the losses you have suffered and the trying ordeals you have been through. It is so much so close together.
    Sometimes it is so much that only God can carry the burden for us.
    I am glad you are able to share your feelings here because we understand the heaviness and torment that losing those close to us brings. It is good to talk about these things with those who understand and care.
    May God grant you some peace and comfort you.
    Stay in touch here and share your feelings as you feel led. Give yourself time to cope with all of this. Be patient with yourself and treat yourself kindly.
    Hoping to hear from you again soon. We have time and are willing to listen and share in your burdens.