Lonely

Robin,

Hearing that you made stew last week, bought ingredients to make chili this week, and are also working on your daughter's lamb, has me smiling big time!!! I know Ron is very proud of you... This is such wonderful news... a step forward... You are giving me hope, that in time, I'll want to get back into doing the things I used to love doing too.

Hope you and Teddy are staying warm, having as good a day as possible, with at least one reason to LMSO...

As always sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S.S. I meant to say, I must have started responding to your message prior to today.[/QUOTE]

Dear Deb, sending you a great big hug, we’ve had horrible weather,
stuck indoors for a week, thankful to have electricity, it was off an on
several times, so much ice. The rut of loneliness is so hard, I hate to
say, it hasn’t gotten any easier for me, don’t know that it ever will.
What keeps me going is my Faith, praying my way through this
journey, I know Jesus is carrying me.
Have been hopeful to see Lou post to let us all know how he is doing.
Our granddaughter will deliver her baby girl this coming Tuesday
morning, C section. Asking all to pray for her, and baby she is
getting over COVID, having shortness of breath, high heart rate.
Sorry I haven’t been posting much, my heart feels all everyone is
going through, I keep praying us all through this journey.
Our daughter and son-in-law law will go to charlotte tomorrow to
help Granddaughter for two weeks.
Giving my little four pound (love bug) JayCee a bath and groom
her after I post this. Wish I knew how to post her picture.
Sending another big hug and prayers lifted for you Deb, and all
TGW friends. Blessings, Patti

 

This is a powerful post, Deb
Thank you, especially for putting into words “the sole keeper of our memories “
Wow, the Sole keeper is exactly my feeling right now. ~Bernadine

 

Thank you Deb, I’m trying. Those are hurdles I’m pushing through. Didn’t work on the lamb today but maybe tomorrow. You’ll get there too. As everyone else will also. It’s such an up and down slow process. Each in our own time. So many struggles.
I hope you’re having as good a day and night as possible.
Very cold here, staying in and staying warm.
Robin

 

P.S. Lorry, I must have started responding to your message and never finished it. I don't even remember!!! I HATE!!! this foggy widow brain thing!!!, TU!!![/QUOTE]
Deb, it's been 1 yr and 2 months and I still feel like what you describe here, it'

Lou, how are you? It's Sat 22th. Have I missed your posts. Are you feeling better? Always blessings, Karen

 

Deb, it's been 1 yr and 2 months and I still feel like what you describe here, it'



Lou, how are you? It's Sat 22th. Have I missed your posts. Are you feeling better? Always blessings, Karen[/QUOTE]
Karen, did something stupid with my
foggy widower's brain,& cut myself off
from GIC. Had tough week at ER, on IV,
for hydration & nourishment. Felt faint,
no appetite, weight loss. Finally enjoyed
hot meals in hospital, got rid of my
cough ( from Omnicron) but had nostril
exam, & was tested positive. Discharged
on Jan 16, wit UTI. Haven't slept well
since. Thanks for asking!! Lou

 

Karen, did something stupid with my
foggy widower's brain,& cut myself off
from GIC. Had tough week at ER, on IV,
for hydration & nourishment. Felt faint,
no appetite, weight loss. Finally enjoyed
hot meals in hospital, got rid of my
cough ( from Omnicron) but had nostril
exam, & was tested positive. Discharged
on Jan 16, wit UTI. Haven't slept well
since. Thanks for asking!! Lou














0

 

Dear Deb, sending you a great big hug, we’ve had horrible weather,
stuck indoors for a week, thankful to have electricity, it was off an on
several times, so much ice. The rut of loneliness is so hard, I hate to
say, it hasn’t gotten any easier for me, don’t know that it ever will.
What keeps me going is my Faith, praying my way through this
journey, I know Jesus is carrying me.
Have been hopeful to see Lou post to let us all know how he is doing.
Our granddaughter will deliver her baby girl this coming Tuesday
morning, C section. Asking all to pray for her, and baby she is
getting over COVID, having shortness of breath, high heart rate.
Sorry I haven’t been posting much, my heart feels all everyone is
going through, I keep praying us all through this journey.
Our daughter and son-in-law law will go to charlotte tomorrow to
help Granddaughter for two weeks.
Giving my little four pound (love bug) JayCee a bath and groom
her after I post this. Wish I knew how to post her picture.
Sending another big hug and prayers lifted for you Deb, and all
TGW friends. Blessings, Patti[/QUOTE]
Patti, So sorry about your horrible weather, glad you’ve kept your electricity though and praying you still have it. The loneliness sure hits us hard. Lonely even in a room full of people. What we need and want we can’t have. The power of prayer is so helpful. I was so angry at God for taking my everything for a long time. But God is forgiving and praying helps me again. I just want to talk to Ron and have him by my side as he always was. He gave me strength. He still does but in a different way. You’ll feel stronger little by little, it’s unnoticeable for a long time. When I’m able to stay busy is when I feel my best. Which is during the summer. I’m counting the days.
Your whole family is my prayers and especially your sweet granddaughter and precious new baby. FYI, my daughters best friend had emergency C section and had Covid at the time. Everything turned out great and her baby although was premature is doing great now.
Love hearing about JayCee. Would love a picture. Right next to post reply is upload a file. Touch that, then click on choose file. Then you have the option to take a picture or go to your photo library to choose one. At the bottom under your chosen picture, options for size show up. I always choose small because anything else has always been too big and then have to start over. And then it adds it to your post. Hope this helps and I didn’t make it feel complicated. Good luck if you try. You can do it!
You’re in my prayers and everyone else’s I’m sure.
Robin

 

Hey The Deb! So glad to read your posting!

I know I forced myself to do art... but I really DO NOT want to. I guess I need to. I really DO NOT want to do ANYTHING!
I could take pics of them and post them on here... when I find the energy. They might be good. I think they are but I just don't know... I force myself... I motivate myself... but then I find myself back in this gooey quicksand again.

It snowed here! I hate snow!

That sucks so much about your car! What can you do but keep doing what you need to. It is the same way in Chicago with public Transport. We used to havre a decent system but it has been systematically gutted for the past 30 years. Unless you are in the city itself there is pretty much NONE. And I'm the only driver I know and two other people depend on me to get around. W/o a car I'd have to Uber to dialysis. TB's GF has to Uber to work if I can't drive her. It isn't cheap. The city still has it's Els but they only work if you are going downTown. I hate downTown now. Too crowded and nasty. The El is very expensive now too. Busses run like every hour, or in the subUrbs every 2 hours if you are lucky enough to be on one of the rare routes. Everything is car related. How did we get into this un-workable system.as humans? Greed! Everything has to make a profit I think.

Can't even listen to the radio because the only decent station has to play hours of the Beatles every Sunday morning. I can't stand their overRated cutsey pop shit that much.

Been FORCING myself to read. Don't much want to.

At least no Dialysis today and the GF has the day off so I don't need to rush out and clear off the car, I am too cold!
I know I complain a lot but WTF else ids there to do. Grief sucks! I truly treasure those rare brief moments when I feel kinda sorta normal in a way. Right now is not one of them.

Keep trying to try is all we can do.

Wishin' you lottsa love Hugz and peace.

 

I so totally feel the same way. There's no Valerie with her caustic witty comments. No one to talk to. I hate this. She died 11 months ago... she is never coming back. Why can't I accept this and move forward. I hate winter. I hate a lot of stuff and guess what... I DON'T Care!

 

Thanks George for getting me in a more positive mood this morning. I like it when somebody says they don’t want to do anything but they make themselves do it anyway. That’s the drive in you Bro. Deb sending you a virtual hug. Patti I’ll be praying for your granddaughter too. Lou glad to hear from you. Robin thanks for reminding us how we inspire each other to keep trying. It was the third day of the cold blast and I couldn’t stand it being cooped up so I went fishing at a friends pond 5 miles away. I had 4 solid hours of frigid excitement and 7 keepers. The highlight of my weekend came when I checked the mail and received a book from a friend. The book is “Invisible Ink” by Kathy Curtis. It is about healing from grief by writing to our beloved. Check out a short video on Vicom. It begins like A Widower’s Notebook. Very sad. I see a lot of positivity here though. Writing to our beloved is an outlet for our grief. We get to say things to them that we couldn’t while they were here. In the introduction it says our minds can open to the possibilities of the invisible realm and we will receive messages back from our beloved. I’m all in. I’m willing to try anything to get even a little bit better. My niece Laura wants to go ice fishing today. High of 24 and 15 mph winds. I have to think about it. Gary

 

Hey Gary! Glad to read your post. I really don't know how I am or what I'm doing today... I just don't know much besides endless cold and snow!
Take care my Bro and friend!

 

Gary, STILL don't know how you stand
the frigid ice fishing. In Grumpy Old
Men, Jack Lemmon's ornery father,
Burgess Meredith, subsisted on beer,
whiskey, and bacon! Linda & I liked
both movies and their outtakes. Thanks
for asking about me. Feel human today.
Took walk to small restaurant across
from ocean. No other patrons. Female
vocalists, soft jazz . On way to
restaurant, saw my FIRST happy, chirpy,
little sparrow. My belief that I've been
through a lot worse, seeing Linda right
before she died, will get me through this
seemingly endless gray, cold winter, with
scary medical issues at the ER, in middle
of night. WE ARE TGW!!! Lou

 

Seriously, George, when are you, Gary, and
I going to share a condo in Florida. I know
dialysis sucks, but if you have to do it, it
would be better where it's warmer. We
could also visit our youngest brother,
Chad, in Texas! He offered to send me
some of his Texas heat!

 

In August 2022 perhaps when TB goes off to The University of Wisconsin in Madison. I'm not going further North! It is snowing here! I hate Winter!

 

Patti, So sorry about your horrible weather, glad you’ve kept your electricity lthough and praying you still have it. The loneliness sure hits us hard. Lonely even in a room full of people. What we need and want we can’t have. The power of prayer is so helpful. I was so angry at God for taking my everything for a long time. But God is forgiving and praying helps me again. I just want to talk to Ron and have him by my side as he always was. He gave me strength. He still does but in a different way. You’ll feel stronger little by little, it’s unnoticeable for a long time. When I’m able to stay busy is when I feel my best. Which is during the summer. I’m counting the days.
Your whole family is my prayers and especially your sweet granddaughter and precious new baby. FYI, my daughters best friend had emergency C section and had Covid at the time. Everything turned out great and her baby although was premature is doing great now.
Love hearing about JayCee. Would love a picture. Right next to post reply is upload a file. Touch that, then click on choose file. Then you have the option to take a picture or go to your photo library to choose one. At the bottom under your chosen picture, options for size show up. I always choose small because anything else has always been too big and then have to start over. And then it adds it to your post. Hope this helps and I didn’t make it feel complicated. Good luck if you try. You can do it!
You’re in my prayers and everyone else’s I’m sure.
Robin[/QUOTE]
Robin, sorry I haven't written sooner. Your
weather was worse than mine. We had one
snowstorm, but the plows cleared the
street that night. Lost power briefly, but
have battery operated lantern. More
importantly, I have my Smart Phone,
which lights up my room, and gives me
GIC!

 

I mean 2023? I don't know. I try and thatz all I can do!

 

Hi Lou good to hear you got out for some overdue exploration. I was worried about you too with your long absence. Ice fisherman are a different breed of rugged anti social beings. That’s why I like to go to unpopular lakes. My Dad took me when I was younger. and later in life I needed to find healthy hobbies. I put an extra layer on yesterday. Getting cold hands from taking the fish off the hook is the worst. An old trick is to take off your gloves and put your hands under your armpits. Laura and I scrubbed the fishing trip today. Glad you’re back older brother. Gary

 

Gary, took a long walk today, bc it
waa finally sunny & mild. Came home
. ,. . . . for long nap ( still recovering from
lack of sleep in hospital). I no longer
mute my phone, bc my VNA nursre has
to arrange a time to come to my apartment
Tues will be 2nd time. I also have a PT,
who is watching my mobility on stairs,
use of shower with grab bars. To
prevent falling, I'm using Linda's
shower bench. She would've wanted me
to be safe. Lou

 

Karen, did something stupid with my
foggy widower's brain,& cut myself off
from GIC. Had tough week at ER, on IV,
for hydration & nourishment. Felt faint,
no appetite, weight loss. Finally enjoyed
hot meals in hospital, got rid of my
cough ( from Omnicron) but had nostril
exam, & was tested positive. Discharged
on Jan 16, wit UTI. Haven't slept well
since. Thanks for asking!! Lou[/QUOTE]
Lou you have been home since ER, & hospital Jan 16th. A visiting nurse comes still right? We miss you, I miss you. I need to hassle your typo's. Love, K