George, I just sent a really short!!!, TU!!! message to Karen who is struggling big time. Seems like all of us are struggling this winter. It SUCKS!!! I'm so sorry you had such a miserable day... I hope you're feeling much better both physically and emotionally. To repeat what I said to Karen, no words of wisdom, no advice... I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you... Hoping you have at least one reason to LMSO today... Sending lots of extra hugs, love, your way... DEB
Patti, Karen, George, you, Lou, and all of TGW seem to be having an absolutely miserable winter. As I said to Karen, then to George, and now to you, no advice, no words of wisdom... It SUCKS!!! As always keeping you and all of TGW in my daily prayers... Sending lots of extra hugs and love to you and JayCee, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Lou, Can't seem to get out the door this morning... Just the shortest message ever!!!!, TU!!! (Thinking about Bob...) Thinking of you... as you continue your recovery. Hoping you have at least one reason to LMSO today... Sending you lots of extra hugs, love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Greetings to all TGW. Looks like I’m on the same ride as everyone else at Mr Grief’s Amusement Park and we’re at the bottom of the curve. I’m not the only one bogged down in wet cement. Luckily I’ve been having good memories of my Cheerful Cheryl. Though the thought of being without Cheryl’s physical form forever is scary. I’m going ice fishing again because of the cold front coming in that will last 3 days. I can’t stand being home bound that long. Robin I’ve been reading your posts and you are sharing wonderful experiences and helpful suggestions. I followed your lead last weekend and made a pot of chili. George you are living up to the title of the The Ultimate Grief Warrior. You are meeting Mr Grief head on and expressing yourself And not denying the pain. You've journaled and been honest about what you are going through. You are healing though it doesn’t feel like it yet. Keep the truck in forward. I’ll try too. Deb glad the migraine is going away. I hope you have a great walk with your friend. Older brother Lou I’m glad the cough is going away. Karen hang in there girl. Sending you a virtual hug. Patti I hope you didn’t lose your power very long. Rick good job reaching out to the Mr Bruce. I’m going to try to stay out of my head for a while. Thanks. Gary
I am feeling the same way. Can't get out of my own way. It's cold outside, long dark nights. January used to be one of my favorite months. We would go ice fishing, well... Jeff would ice fish I'd sit in the camp next to the wood stove and watch for the flags, lol. Now, it feels just cold, dark and lonely, it's weird to be so lonely even in a crowd. It will be 4 years since he left on 1/28. I can honestly say it doesn't get easier, you just get used to the grief, pain, loneliness. The 28th is also my son's birthday, (so there's that), I put on a smile to celebrate my son, yet we are all feeling the void at the table. Peace Mary
I have a rough day today. I liked all the stories and comments on here. They are similar to how I feel I could have almost wrote it myself. You don't think some of the things that will trigger a moment. Like the other day filling out paperwork and it wanted me to list an emergency contact. I gave no longer have my emergency contact. I like the sentiment that we live to honor our loved ones. That's the one that gets me out of the bed. I started a new shift at work today, which gets me off graveyard. At least I can sleep at night now. Lou, it was good to see your post. I really hate covid. Hope you get 100% soon. Peace all. -Chad
Thanks Bernadine. Today was the best catch of the season racking up a total of 11 bluegills. Nothing to brag about but That will make 2 servings. So far when the weather is nice I have a lot of serenity and no fish. When the weather is windy and cold the fish bite. Mary nice to meet another person who enjoys ice fishing. It’s hard for me to imagine existing 4 years after Cheryl’s death. It’s only been 8 months. I’m glad you get to celebrate your son’s birthday. Cheryl died 3 days before my birthday and 13 days before hers. It was the weekend before Mother’s Day and there was a snow storm then. Happy and sad all stirred up in the pot of life. 90% of the time I would come home from fishing Cheryl would have a hot meal waiting for me. Cheryl and I met in 2012. Cheryl has been the best companion soulmate lover pathfinder huntress I have ever known. The last 9 years I would tell myself that this is the best life I’ve ever had being with Cheryl. Permission to Mourn is a book that has got me thinking beyond the 5 senses. Where I can temporarily exist in a dream world and experience Cheryl’s non physical presence. I’ve learned so much being on GIC. Patti’s mantra for us is that no one is ever left to grieve alone. I’m glad I can come here and be myself with people I can relate to. Sleep well Grief Warriors. Gary
Well stated George. Covid had added so much extra angst to everyone. But to those of us who lost the most important person in our lives. The person that made our world go round, covid took so much more that we don’t have to give. Sending you hugs. Robin
Morning greetings to TGWs! I give all of you my best wishes and support! I get up early and am sorta withIt then as the day progresses I start to crash. Real big crash Tuesday at Dialysis! It got too cold. actually did first at work in a long time yesterday... I try to do stuff. Itz not easy!
The way it coincided with Valerie's decline toward death really was a bad fit. I appreciate the Love! Hugs a plenty!
Mary, So good to hear from you. As you know I’m at 3 years since Ron passed. I do feel I’ve gotten stronger And the memories can bring a smile or smile and tears. George I get it. Horrible timing. I was starting to feel some strength after Ron passed and it made me fall into a deeper bigger hole to dig out of. I recall my brother pulling into my driveway, calling my cell and said they were outside for a social distance visit. I’m standing on the step, they’re by their car and I’m trying to talk to them. But I’m crying and couldn’t get a hug. I know we all desperately need hugs from our loved ones. But the love and hugs we get here from our friends who get it mean so much! We’re not alone. much love!
Two years ago when the Cancer was starting to make its evil presence known Valerie registered at the neighborhood "Hope House" Cancer place for support. They had SO MANY awesome seeming programs to help both of us. Then two days later the Kovid cancelled everything! No support! No help! Oh yes it was virtual... virtually pointless. yes. I am quite bitter about that still. At least I have great friends like you and other TGWs to talk to now. Could have used face-to-face contact in 20209 though!
Mary, In the very beginning, I was so naive, well meaning friends and family would say to me, "give it time, it will get easier." I was afraid of how I felt, so sad..., lonely..., lost..., in a new all time low. I never experienced anything that remotely even comes close to pain like this. I was afraid of how quickly I felt like I was sinking... Afraid I was going to drown in grief. At first I wanted to believe all these well meaning people, I needed to believe them, I was terrified. It's been nine months since Bob's death. I HATE!!! being the picture of doom and gloom, but and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I agree with you. I don't believe that it will ever get easier. Just as you said, and I think Robin has said this in the past too, it hasn't gotten any easier, I'm just getting used to life without Bob. Wait, I don't think life is the right word. At the moment, I feel like I'm only existing (I think Karen said this in an earlier post), although I'm trying so hard to create a better life for myself, it's the ultimate challenge. I have to conquer it. I'm not sure how I would make it through another day if I didn't think that I could conquer it. (Getting off subject. Once I get going, I have such a hard time stopping all the thoughts that constantly pop in and out of my mind, that invade every aspect of my life. Where is that "off switch???" I need it now!!!, TU!!!) Back to what you were "talking" about, I always feel lonely too. I even feel more lonely when I'm in a crowd. It's at those moments that Mr. Grief seems to hit me super hard... Nothing, not even spending time near the ocean with my best friends from "home," would make me feel any less lonely (This used to be one of my very favorite things to do.) Still sort of on subject, I have no desire to do any of my favorite things without Bob... Although I've had some lighter moments, and did enjoy the short road trip I took with my son during the holidays, Mr. Grief was always with me... Even when my son and I were sharing some laughs (genuine), I still felt over the top lonely.... It was all wrong!!! Bob should have been with us!!! It's so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that from now on, all of life, no matter how much better it gets, will always be so bittersweet. I'm so sorry that Jeff died on the same day as your son's birthday. Bob died three days after my oldest son's birthday, and 17 days after my youngest son's birthday, all in the same month. I think this is hard enough to have to deal with, I'm not sure how I would get through the day he died, having to work really hard to be in a good mood for my son. I can't even begin to imagine how much this must SUCK!!! It's really nice "seeing" you this morning, but wish so much I didn't have to "see" any of us. All of this is so wrong!!! We belong with the one true love of our lives... I hope you have as good a day as possible, with at least one reason to LMSO... As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Chad, It seems like everything in the world can be a trigger for those floodgates to burst open. When I read that you had to list an emergency contact, it hit me big time. Yesterday I was going through the settings on my phone, and Bob was listed as my first emergency contact. Mr. Grief hit me hard. This is absolutely certifiably crazy, but I couldn't delete his name from that list. I'm not sure when or if I'll ever be able to do it. I'm glad you're no longer on the graveyard shift. I have a friend who alternates between days, evenings, and the graveyard shift. She's been doing it for about 40 years. From talking to her, although I've never worked it, I can (sort of) imagine how much it must SUCK!!! It's way beyond wonderful that you'll finally be able to sleep at night. Hope you have as good a day as possible, at least one reason to LMSO. As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Can’t say that I blame you. It’s like a punch to the face. Here’s some nice helpful support. Oh no, just kidding! I’d be bitter too. And I am for you and Valerie and else else that went through things like that. I was on this site then and so many people lost the face to face help and spiraled down so fast. Thankful we’ve all found this site. Robin
George, Finding the motivation to do things can be over the top difficult. This is why I make those daily lists. If I didn't make them, I'm sure there would be way too many days when I would pull the covers over my head, pretend the world doesn't exist. I'm glad you're doing your best to keep busy. It helps keep Mr. Grief from throwing me on that mat. As Gary once said, "keep on keeping..." It's all any of us can do. As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
0p0p Robin & George, I'm old school, never wanted to do "Brady Bunch .in a ZOOM format. My world fell apart, when I .moved to my town. not knowing a soul. As you know,the Shack became my CHEERS bar --60s & 70s music in the background, and 2 sports games (on mute). NEVER talking heads on rival cable TV channels. Like anything not made from God,the Shack wasn't made to last The owners wanted to retire, and the daughter played favorites. They had to close Christmas/ New Year's week.bc some staff tested positive for COVID. Someone in kitchen was careless about hand washing. Oh, well. As I recover, in the Spring. I want new adventures!! Lou . , - stopped , .Zoo " P
Lou, So good to hear from you. I enjoy your comment about zoom format like the Brady Bunch. I do know some people that went ahead and had counseling using zoom and got used to it but it was one on one not group. And they complained and hated it at first but these people each came around and felt it was better then nothing. We’re all different. We each need to do what is best for us. I know your world crumbled with your move and feeling so alone. I can’t imagine. How are you holding up. I’m hoping you’re continuing to feel better each day. I got more snow today but I’m seeing irises and daffodils coming up. Gives me hope for sunnier warmer days. 59 days until Spring! And you can start all your new adventures. Robin
Robin, I've had scary medical procedures done in the ER, lately. Glad Linda didn't see this. A kind doctor asked me about myself, & I told him about Linda, & he was compassionate. Lou
