*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Lonely

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by lredditt, Jan 10, 2022.

  1. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

  2. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    I made myself do stuff yesterday. It worked! How do I keep at this battle everyday? I try for the sake of my son and his GF. I so hope your migraines get some relief The Deb! So far it's Tuesday and I'm ok enough. Will it last? Probably not is the realistic answer but I crave to take everything that's not horrible at its own pace... All we can do iis remember to be kind to ourselves and keep trying... Love Ya! Lottsa v-Hugz!
     
    Gary166, DEB321 and Van Gogh like this.
  3. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    YES!
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    George, It is most definitely a battle we have to fight every single day. It’s so exhausting and sometimes we do lose the battle. Hobbies mean nothing, things we always enjoyed doing we can’t even remember what they were. Most chores can wait and so we put them off. The fact that you drive your sons GF is probably a very good thing even if you feel like I’d rather not today. It’s a schedule that forces you to do something. When Ron passed I had no schedule. Nothing I had to do any more. I still struggle with that. Thankful I have Teddy. Because he needs to go out and be fed and needs attention, he is a huge help. Plus when there’s no one here. He’s here and he gives me love every day. The winter months are harder, getting outside is harder. You’re pushing and trying. Once I choose to just sit which happened to me yesterday. I tend to stay there. The weather was bad, wind was crazy. I couldn’t sleep the night before because of the storm. I gave my self permission to sit. Probably shouldn’t have. I stayed under my blanket. It’s still windy today but I plan to try harder. Get my blood flowing. I know you have dialysis, not sure that counts but it is a schedule. Yes, be kind to ourselves and keep trying. I push for Ron and for him to see I’m trying. He even told me years ago not to waste my time mourning him if something happened to him. To enjoy life. I told him you do realize that’s not going to happen. But I told him I’d try. Make Valerie your reason. I know you do but try to keep that mind set. The battle is hard, just keep fighting. Sending you and everyone love and hugs! Robin
     
    Gary166, cjpines, DEB321 and 2 others like this.
  5. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Thank you thank you thank you! Dialysis is definitely part of my schedule! Same with driving the GF. Routine certainly helps. Maybe that's why I feel slightly more normal. But when those stay in bed daze come it's important that one is kind to yourself and not get all guilty that you are useless. Easier said but still too true. Especially with foul weather it is hard to do anything. I can't get myself to go through Email. That is my personal one right now. I just want the real world to go away so I can fight my Grief. Not realistic but I do my best. we do our best and need to realize this and give ourselves credit. Society and its expectations make one feel bad and guilty. It is important to be kind to yourself and others! Much love! George
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  6. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Lou,

    This message has me smiling big time... I'm so glad the cough is almost gone, you're safe, warm, in your apartment, with Kim making sure you have everything you need, and a visit from a nurse today. You aren't alone!!! Even though the hospital sent you home before you were ready to leave (it's always the big buck that has the last say$$$... Makes me so angry, but will get off my soapbox before I really get going!!!), I think you have the support you need to finally make a full recovery.

    I know that UTI's are major PITAs!!!, interrupting every aspect of your life. Bob got frequent UTI's. Antibiotics got rid of them quickly. Praying they work just as well for you. I hope tonight you will be able to get some quality uninterrupted sleep.

    All of the times I had to drive Bob to the ER in 2015, prior to his kidney cancer diagnosis, were because he couldn't urinate. He had to endure that miserable procedure you described way too many times. From watching what Bob had to go through, my heart goes out to you... I'm sorry you had to have this happen, especially so soon after Linda's passing.

    Although I've been visiting less frequently and was MIA for most of the weekend, you and all of TGW are always included in my daily prayers. I hope the visiting nurse is very helpful, and is able to make your life a lot less stressful as you continue your recovery.

    Sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
    Gary166 and Van Gogh like this.
  7. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    George,

    Thanks for the smiles this morning... I can never get enough of them!!!, TU!!! I love!!! that by keeping busy you're able to keep Mr. Grief from hitting you full force. Keeping busy helps keep Mr. Grief in the shadows for me too. For me, a combination of keeping busy and lots of (still) much needed alone time is working best. Of course this is always subject to change... (as is everything in life.)

    I think I'm finally over this migraine, but whenever I get one, I'm usually wiped out for about 24 hours afterwards. It's cold here (I don't have any right to complain!!!, TU!!! It's only about 40 degrees, but the sun is out, always a good thing...), and I'm exhausted. I'm spending the day being a couch potato, but by tomorrow, I should be fine. I'm planning on taking a super long walk tomorrow, hopefully a friend is going to be able to join me. I'm looking forward to getting some fresh air, sunshine, just being outside.

    Your advice is the absolute best!!! You are so right. We need to treat ourselves the same way we would treat a good friend, be kind and gentle with ourselves, not beat ourselves up for all those "should have", "could have", "if only I would haves...", and take things day by day, sometimes minute by minute, but always keep trying... I know this is the very best way we can honor Valerie and Bob.

    As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
    eyepilot13, Gary166 and Van Gogh like this.
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You’re welcome!! The best I can do for you and others is share what helps me get through each day. It’s hard to make a schedule when you really don’t have one. But schedules help. And that’s where Teddy comes in to play. That’s where your sons GF comes into play. I’ve made lists and had mundane things on my list. Take a shower, pay bills, brush my teeth. Etc. so I have something to cross off my list. If we need a day to do nothing, no guilt. We need that day. Easy to day, hard to do. I totally get that even going through your email becomes a chore. You want to go through your email while Valerie is there. Believe me I get it. We need to give ourselves permission to just be if that’s all we can get the energy for. I have days that having Rons favorite foods feels so special and good. Tomorrow it could make me cry. There’s no real rhyme or reason. Most people think I should be fine by now and that hurts. A total of 44 years together, full of wonderful times and love they grows with each day doesn’t just go away. It’ll never go away. Being good to ourselves taking care of ourselves should be at the top of the list. ❤️Robin
     
    eyepilot13, Gary166 and Van Gogh like this.
  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for reaching out to
    me, around noon, my time, on Wed, the 19th, Deb. Since I often didn't know what
    time it was, or even, the day it was, my
    phone was my lifeline, both in the
    hospital, AND at home. GIC was a lifesaver,
    too, bc TGW cared about me. My brothers,
    Gary, George,& Chad. In the Northwest,
    Karen & Bernadine. In Soutb Carolina,
    Patti and you. I am waiting for a VNA


    nurse to come to my place at 3:45 pm,so I don't fall through the cracks again. Since
    I tested positive for COVID 19 in the
    hospital, I am staying inside, & wearing
    a N-95 mask.Thanks again, be careful
    out there!! Lou
     
  10. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    You are so right regarding lists. I wish I was able to cross off things on my list. This is what I do, I make a list, nothing gets crossed off -- another day goes by -- nothing gets crossed off. I procrastinate BIG time. My motivation SUCKS as Deb would say. My car has a dead battery, do I want to use my Halo and jump it and drive it, heck no. I just put it off not going anywhere. I'm tired of doing things Jack used to do. I'm tired of learning, I'm just tired of everything. I'm existing not living and I don't much care. Sorry, this sounds so negative and I'm not sure I will send it to everyone.
    But, on the flip side of the coin there must be life to live if only it would reveal itself. How long to wait -- probably depends on one's grief cycle as an individual.
    You have your Teddy and I have my Rambo. I know we feel blessed for them. K
     
    csmith532, Gary166 and Van Gogh like this.
  11. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  12. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    Hi Deb: I had a meltdown last night. It hits me sometimes after work when I am watching the news or family feud. He always watched with me. It is so empty in my house. I am o.k sometimes but this aloneness is surreal? Does everyone experience this? Does it get better? Thank you, Lorry
     
    Van Gogh, Countess Joy and Gary166 like this.
  13. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    What you’re saying is just real. It’s life as we know it right now. It’s hard it’s tiring everything about it feels wrong and exhausting. I’m finding these grey, dark winter days worse this year. Part of me feels like covid is a big part of why we’re all feeling worse. Our lives are so different without out spouses, then add covid to the mix. Nothing feels right or ok. I’ve added to feed Teddy to my list. So there’s things to cross off. I don’t always have lunch but I always feed Teddy. What’s great about Teddy and Rambo is that they are serving such a wonderful purpose and they don’t even know. They just love us and we love them. You mention your car battery being dead, and kind of feeling like who cares. Sadly, every one of us knows that feeling. We rather stay home anyway. But I do know if I keep moving I do feel better. I have said, is my only reason to be here to pay bills, clean the house and work on the yard? But these feelings and downright crankiness aren’t always with me. Yes we all grieve in our own way and time. I know it’s a s-l-o-w process. My emotions aren’t as raw as the were, not always ready to cry. There’s still tears and they happen often but not all day. We keep going to honor each of our spouses.
    Robin
     
  14. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Lorry, Yes the loneliness is so difficult. No one to share anything with talk things through with etc etc. it does get better ever so slowly. Unnoticeably slow until one day you realize those lonely feelings are there but not as raw. There’s absolutely nothing easy about this new life that none of want, but was thrown at us. Robin
     
    Van Gogh, DEB321 and Gary166 like this.
  15. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Hey The Deb! Was actually doing real well yesterday... Then the big crash during Dialysis. Getting very Stressed and then my Blood Pressure was dropping and got massive leg cramps and cramps in hands. Then they stop pulling fluid and give you saline. Was so sick but NO REAL concrete symptoms. Just sinus and back ache, fatigue (sleep has been hard!) and my consciousness just feels sick and raw (can't explain!) Just can't reklax to sleep. Keep wanting to get up all night. Just like Valerie did almost exactly a year ago. Keep wanting to sit up then lie down endlessly... I think it's stress and cold weather and grief. ... My best to you much love and hugz!
     
    Van Gogh and Gary166 like this.
  16. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    So true about the Kovid.... Lost two things at the same time..
    Lost Valerie my soulMate and best friend. My rock and support
    The Kovid: Lost my world

    The MicroLevel and the MacroLevel of my life totally changed and I don't know what to do. Too much unknown
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  17. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Hi George , sending you BIG HUG thinking of you and all others.
    Keeping you and all others in my prayer. I am going to try to get
    back and read back posts from others. Been out of sorts lately,am
    praying my way through it.
    Blessings, Patti
     
    Van Gogh and eyepilot13 like this.
  18. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Thanks! We just got to keep on trying. Not easy!
     
    Van Gogh and Patti 61 like this.
  19. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    George, “ WE CAN DO IT.”
     
  20. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Karen,

    In a rush, but had to "talk" to you for just a minute before heading out the door. No advice, no words of wisdom... Just want to let you know I'm thinking about you... Sending lots of extra hugs, much love your way..., wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
    Van Gogh likes this.