Lonely

Okay, Lou I'm caught up on you with this post to Gary. Linda is with you, you know that don't you? Yes, her spirit.

 

It seems like the site is combining posts of 2 TGW into one. Lou I’m super glad you’re getting back to normal. Visiting Nurses is where my in person grief support meetings are. I wonder if they have any there? Also Visiting Nurses is where I’m getting free counseling from. Take care older brother. Sleep tight all TGW. The coyotes are howling tonight here. I love you all. Gary

 

Thank you, Karen. I learned a lot from
her. She was a brave soul. If you were
kind to her ( and to me), she could be
your most loyal friend. If you were unkind,
you were history. BTW, thank you for
letting my typos to Gary, go by. I've
been emotionally, physically, and
mentally exhausted since I got sick on
Christmas Night. I have help now, a VNA
nurse about my age, who is coming to
my apartment, for a 2nd time,on Tues.
I also have a younger PT, who makes sure
I'm getting my strength back, and can walk
& use the front stairs outside my place---
without falling. Both women check my
blood pressure, temp, breathing, and
heart ( with stethoscope). I was very
isolated, dehydrated, and depressed before I went to the ER, by taxi, in the middle of
night. It was scary by myself. Now, I have
a support system and numbers to call.
I shut myself from GIC, while I was on an
IV, & nurses kept coming into my room,
for blood work, vitals, checking my
lungs, bc I still had a cough.The cough is
gone, &I'm slowly getting my weight &
appetite back. Saw my 1st sparrow today--
a sign of Spring. Hope you are OK. I feel
like I hit bottom, but, like many GW,
nothing compares to seeing your
soulmate die. Lou

 

Thank you Lou, yes, nothing compares to seeing your soulmate die, nothing. But, you're on the mend and spring will be here before you know it. And a new energy coming for you, I know it. Always, blessings.

 

Karen, just woke up, bc I crashed
earlier. it was good to see your kind,
wise words, as usual.Appreciate
your encouragement & praise. I'll
have a snack & go back to bed. Good .night. Lou

 

Dear Deb, sending you a great big hug, we’ve had horrible weather,
stuck indoors for a week, thankful to have electricity, it was off an on
several times, so much ice. The rut of loneliness is so hard, I hate to
say, it hasn’t gotten any easier for me, don’t know that it ever will.
What keeps me going is my Faith, praying my way through this
journey, I know Jesus is carrying me.
Have been hopeful to see Lou post to let us all know how he is doing.
Our granddaughter will deliver her baby girl this coming Tuesday
morning, C section. Asking all to pray for her, and baby she is
getting over COVID, having shortness of breath, high heart rate.
Sorry I haven’t been posting much, my heart feels all everyone is
going through, I keep praying us all through this journey.
Our daughter and son-in-law law will go to charlotte tomorrow to
help Granddaughter for two weeks.
Giving my little four pound (love bug) JayCee a bath and groom
her after I post this. Wish I knew how to post her picture.
Sending another big hug and prayers lifted for you Deb, and all
TGW friends. Blessings, Patti[/QUOTE]

Patti,

Mother Nature has been kinder to the lowcountry. We've had some cold weather, lots of rain, some ice (a nearby bridge was closed because of it), but weather in the lowcountry hasn't been nearly as bad as what you experienced. I'm so glad that for most of the time, you had electricity!!!, TU!!! This is the first place I've lived where I haven't had at least several days during the year without power (Hope I didn't just jinx myself!!!), and I'm over the top grateful for this. Without electricity it must have sucked all that much more.

I'm so glad you have your Faith. Without Faith, I think it would be over the top difficult to get through the darkest hours of our lives... I'm so glad that you have JayCee too... dogs seem to sense when we need them the most, and are always here for us..., to comfort us, make us smile, make us laugh... They have the best way ever of keeping total loneliness at bay. (I'm having major dog withdrawals, but still not ready to adopt another fur baby. Won't get into this here, or I'll end up outlasting that Energizer Bunny!!! Besides, I'm getting way off subject.)

I think all the miserable weather we've had (although I'm not complaining, so many people have had it so much worse than I have), magnifies feelings of loneliness, and makes me miss Bob even more than I already do... I never worried about bad weather, power outages, being stuck inside for days on end, when Bob was here. Bob and I made the best of the situation, cuddled up by the fireplace in our living room, talking about everything, from important matters, heartfelt conversations, to talking about the everyday things that make up a marriage, what we were going to make for dinner, etc., etc., etc.... We always made each other laugh in spite of Mother Nature's wrath. I felt so safe... so cozy..., cuddled up next to Bob... I enjoyed the short breaks from having to be out in the world, running errands, etc., etc. etc... All Bob and I had to do was focus on each other. All was right with the world because Bob and I were together. Those floodgates have opened... All of this SUCKS!!! (Still stuck on sucks. I'm beginning to thing sucks, is going to become a part of all my messages.)

Consider it done. I am praying for your granddaughter and baby... , Praying your granddaughter makes a full recovery... that your great-granddaughter is strong, healthy, ready to begin her journey through life... I'm sorry I'm getting here so late!!! I'm thinking all of TGW have read this already, and are praying for excellent health for both your granddaughter and great-granddaughter... I'm so over the top excited for you!!! Tomorrow, you are going to be a great-grandmother!!! There is nothing more special, more exciting than when a baby makes his/her first appearance in this world... Once again, if I don't stop myself, I'll get carried away, unable to stop "talking." I can (almost) hear Bob saying something funny about this... Starting to think about the circle of life, but, and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, stopping here!!!

Backing up a bit, I bet JayCee looks even more beautiful, now that she's had a bath. There is nothing better than cuddling up with a freshly bathed fur baby... I wish you could send us a picture too... but still being way too technically challenged, I have no idea how to post pictures to this site either.

As always, keeping you and all of TGW in my prayers...

Sending zillions of hugs and lots of love to you and JayCee, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen, did something stupid with my
foggy widower's brain,& cut myself off
from GIC. Had tough week at ER, on IV,
for hydration & nourishment. Felt faint,
no appetite, weight loss. Finally enjoyed
hot meals in hospital, got rid of my
cough ( from Omnicron) but had nostril
exam, & was tested positive. Discharged
on Jan 16, wit UTI. Haven't slept well
since. Thanks for asking!! Lou[/QUOTE]

Karen,

As usual, all I can say is it SUCKS!!! I have to believe, that all this loneliness..., although it will always be with us, the same as Mr. Grief will always be with us, will get easier to deal with, as we continue to get used to the lives that have been forced upon us. However, it is somewhat of a comfort, although so bittersweet, to know that Jack and Bob will always be watching over us...

Sending lots of extra hugs and love to you and Rambo, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

As usual, all I can say is it SUCKS!!! I have to believe, that all this loneliness..., although it will always be with us, the same as Mr. Grief will always be with us, will get easier to deal with, as we continue to get used to the lives that have been forced upon us. However, it is somewhat of a comfort, although so bittersweet, to know that Jack and Bob will always be watching over us...

Sending lots of extra hugs and love to you and Rambo, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB[/QUOTE]

Patti, I will be praying for your granddaughter and I know she will get the best of care in the hospital coming through it just fine and safe. Pretty exciting a "new" baby in the family.

Deb, I'm with you and everyone here regarding the lousy weather. My weather here in Calif is spring like no complaints. But when the power goes out and it's raining or snowing that's when I miss Jack the most. Like you said you didn't mind the weather when Bob was alive you could sit in front of the fireplace and reminisce. I know GW find that to be true, alone in the dark with only Mr. Grief. It SUCKS!!.

 

George,

Grief does SUCKS!!! Nothing positive to say. It just SUCKS!!! I "get" what you mean when you "talked" about, "rare brief moments when I feel kinda sorta normal in a way." I have as you so perfectly described it, those "rare brief moments" too. However, as soon as those "rare brief moments" end, my world comes crashing down again... Mr. Grief greeting me... holding onto me as tightly as he possibly can. Most of the time, feeling even worse than before I had one of those almost "normal" back to myself, kind of moments, knowing that nothing, absolutely NOTHING!!! in life will ever be "normal" again.

Sorry... I guess I'm the picture of doom and gloom today. It's strange, I had the best night's sleep since Bob's death last night, got a good walk in yesterday afternoon, did lots of "me" time last night, but still..., I'm the picture of doom and gloom today. Wish I could find where Mr. Grief hid the key to the gate of his twisted amusement park. I would set all of us FREE ASAP!!! Day dreaming can be a really good thing...

Stopping here, I'm in one of those moods where I could spend the entire day rambling on and on and on, outlasting the Energizer Bunny, beating my own best record for "talking" nonstop. I know Bob wouldn't let this one get by him, lol...!!! Just mentioning Bob's name, has me reaching for another tissue. This reminds me, I better make sure I still have lots of boxes left. This COVID thing that's grown way past stale, has made it more difficult to get paper products (again) around here, unless you want to pay top $$$ for them. I HATE!!! all of this!!! Really stopping here... I think I need to take another walk this afternoon. I'm not in the mood, but if I make it outside the front door, I know some fresh air, some sunshine, will help me remain "glued" together.

Hope your day is going much better than you're expecting it to go... To quote Gary again, all we can do is to "keep on keeping..."

Sending lots of extra hugs, love your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Patti, I will be praying for your granddaughter and I know she will get the best of care in the hospital coming through it just fine and safe. Pretty exciting a "new" baby in the family.

Deb, I'm with you and everyone here regarding the lousy weather. My weather here in Calif is spring like no complaints. But when the power goes out and it's raining or snowing that's when I miss Jack the most. Like you said you didn't mind the weather when Bob was alive you could sit in front of the fireplace and reminisce. I know GW find that to be true, alone in the dark with only Mr. Grief. It SUCKS!!.[/QUOTE]

Karen,

I'm glad you finally have spring like weather and hope it continues... Hope you find at least one reason to LMSO today...

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

I agree, there seems to be something strange going on with this site. Posts are harder to follow when it seems like several GW posts are being "mixed" together. I'm thinking I'll probably miss some messages because of this. Hope this issue is resolved ASAP!!!

I'm not caught up around here (yet), so not sure if I've read all your recent posts, but hope you have at least one reason to LMSO today...

TGW are the absolute best!!!, TU!!! I love all of you too...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I'm so over the top glad you have a support system in place, numbers to call, when you need some help.... You "sound" so much better!!! It has me smiling big time..., in spite of my current mood. I'm way too much the picture of doom and gloom today. I'm going to try to force myself to take a walk this afternoon. Fresh air and sunshine always seem to help.

Speaking of fresh air and sunshine, I LOVE!!! that you saw a sparrow today!!!, a definite sign of better days ahead...

Going to stop here, I'm way too much in the mood to ramble on and on and on... Can't stop thinking about Bob, and every time I mention how much "talking" I probably could do today, it makes me reach for a tissue... thinking of what Bob would say.

Sending you lots of extra hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey The Deb:

Did stuff yesterday. Drove the GF to work in this mornings horrible snow event and just not doing good. Very depressed. And enough of this Kovid Sht already too! They act like it's the Bubonic Plague or something. Everyone running around in these goofy face coverings like a dystopian movie come to life! It's so Cold and snowy here and I'm so bored but NOITHING I really want to do. I'm gonna need to force myself to do something... I just don't want to!

 

Afternoon TGWs. It's been a few days since I logged in last for no particular reason. Time seems to progress super slow and super fast at the same time. Patti, I will definitely be praying for your grand daughter, hope all goes well in the morning. Deb, I like your saying, cuz everything does seem to suck here lately. Lou, it was good to hear from you. Just let me know when we are going to Florida haha. Saturday will be mine and Lizzy's 9th wedding anniversary, exactly 10 years since our first official date, and exactly 3 months since she passed. I miss her and have been sad thinking about all of that. Wish she was here and we were planning our anniversary adventure. Hoping everyone can gave a good day.

-Chad

 

George,

I "get" it!!! Having to force ourselves to do things SUCKS!!! Sad to say, SUCKS!!! has now become another one of those words/sayings, that I'll probably end up using until it becomes way past stale, and then will continue to use anyway... Sadly, I didn't make it out the front door today. As strange as this sounds, the day seemed to go by quickly even though I hardly did anything at all. Speaking of not making it out the front door, reminds me that I need to step outside, and walk as far as my mailbox. I'm not expecting anything good, but at least I will have accomplished something. I'm thinking that from now on, I should add getting the mail to my daily to do list. Speaking of my to do list, although it was a short one, I didn't accomplish everything that was on it. However... tomorrow is another day..., a fresh start... As I always say, everything is subject to change. I'm still in that rambling on and on and on mode, can you tell???...

Backing up a bit, sadly, "everyone running around in these goofy face coverings like a dystopian movie come to life!," is probably here to stay for awhile (???), even though this outstayed it's welcome back in the beginning of 2020. It SUCKS!!! With this last , it SUCKS!!!, I'm going to end this, check out my mailbox. Then it's time to settle in on the couch for another night of "me" time. Life can't get much more "exciting" than this. Although I'll take this kind of "excitement" any day over the "excitement" of hearing sirens, firetrucks and ambulances, heading towards my house!!!, TU!!!

Hope tomorrow turns out to be a better day for you, for all TGW...

As always sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Chad, I know how sad & lonely wedding
anniversaries can be. You had planned a
life with Lizzy, and her life was cut
short. After Linda died, I dreaded our
anniversaries, bc I was filled with what
ifs, and could I have been a better
husband. The first year, I went to the
home therapy office of a nurse practioner
& cried. She later helped me to realize
Linda was no saint, and I was no sinner
all the time. Now, over 3 years later, I
still think of Linda, or dream about her
everyday, but I'm starting to enjoy
life, like she wanted. Remember: as my
widowed persons group said, holidays,
anniversaries are just one day. The
brothers have a good sense of humor.
Gary hates the long winter in Indiana.
George despises winter in Illinois. I've
had recent health scares which sent me
to the ER. My top priority is to feel
better , not feel isolated, and have help,
in the way of a VNA and a PT, who
come to my apartment. Since you
can't "send the Texas heat", I will
have to pray to God for an early
Spring. Lou

 

Greetings TGW. I posted the cover of my new grief journey book. If interested you can see a video at Vimeo by the author. Or just type Kathy Curtis Vimeo. It is a must read for me. It is a perfect read after Permission to Mourn by Tom Zuba. It has made my relationship with Cheryl more real. I have written Cheryl 2 letters now following the prompts in the book. What I am feeling is that Cheryl’s death was not as long ago as it seems. And that Cheryl is closer to me. Not sure in what way just that she is closer. The cover is amazing. Sentences from a letter taking the form of a hawk going upward. Writing the letters are painful but I see it as a form of cleansing. I’m willing to do anything to get a little better. My main item to cross off the list was snow removal. I’ve only done it twice this year. Only a 2 hour job. Robin I imagine you’ve had almost 2 feet of snow by now. Oh goodie its tax time. It took me 2 hours to get the printer and computer in sync. Hey I can put that on the list and cross it off. I really have to work at staying motivated too. 3 brutally cold days in a row coming. Sweet! I must press on like my fellow warriors do. TGW do. Gary

 

Deb, when the VNA nurse and and PT
come to my apartment, separate days,
I greet them with my N-95 mask, which
makes me look like Hannibal Lecter. They
walk in, with Hazmat suits, plastic
visors, over their masks. Rod Serling
couldn't have made this up. The 2
professionals check my blood pressure,
lungs, temp, and heart,using a
stethoscope. The PT makes sure my place
is fall-proof. She had me used outside
front stairs, sit on the toilet and get up
without assistance, and use the grab bars
in the shower. To be even safer, I'm
sitting on Linda's shower bench. Patti, I
think the winter cold SUCKS BIG TIME,
as our friend, Deb, says. I'm trying to
convince brother Gary, freezing in
Indiana, and George, who despises
Illinois, to share a Florida condo with me.
I told our youngest brother, Chad, in
Texas that we can visit him! Your
great grandaughter will be a blessing,
Patti, and you can share stories about
her. I've had recent scary visits to the
ER, and pray every day to enjoy another
Spring & Summer. God Bless. Lou

 

Gary, Thank you for sharing, I’ll definitely look for the video. I’m glad you feel the book and the writing you’re doing, although painful might be helping you. I understand what you’re saying, that Cheryl feels closer. It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain. Need to feel it to understand. So many people have said to me, really it’s only 6 months, a year whatever. And in my heart, mind it feeling like a lifetime. We miss them so deeply. I have had a lot of snow and it’s been colder then usual. When Ron was here he’d snow blow my driveway and I’d be outside with him. Now snow gives me angst. I don’t recall if I shared, but after the 8” of snow I believe Ron cleared my driveways for me. The day after the storm I went out to see if I thought I could clear it. There was 8”f snow everywhere except both my driveways. Which were deep the day before. Not clean down to the driveway but like wind blew it off. I was shocked and then thanked Ron for clearing our driveways. I took a picture and sent it to my daughter who was coming over to help clear at least one driveway. She was shocked too. I’m glad you’re working off hour list. And I do exactly what you mention. If I accomplish something not on my list I add it so I can cross it off. Plus it’s a reminder of things you’ve accomplished. Because we do things and then forget what we’ve done. I should try to get some rest. Thank you again for sharing. Robin

 

Lou,

I can picture the visual... way too scary!!!, TU!!! I'm used to seeing this way beyond frightening "look," the worst fashion screw up in history!!!, TU!!! Bob and I were greeted by this "look" frequently. In 2020 I needed some dental work. Nothing scarier than hearing the sound of the drill and having the dentist resemble something out of a sci-fi horror movie... All of this is so way past STALE!!!, TU!!! Better get off of my soapbox before I really get going!!!

In spite of this "look" continuing into 2022, I'm so glad you're getting good care. I'm not sure how many days are left until the first day of spring, but it'll be here before we know it... Think positive thoughts... warm, sunny, picture perfect days just around the corner...

Hope today is good one with more than one reason to LMSO...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB