Loneliness From Crisis to Chronic

Hi, I'm Debra, and Iost my husband in February 2022. I am so sorry for your loss, and I know first hand how you feel, people who you thought were friends pull away and the loneliness along with the ever present grief takes over! I have found support in my weekly counseling sessions and a good friend of mine who is a psychologist has also been so helpful to me as well, and we have had so many discussions about the stages of grief and how difficult it is to go through. I don't have a supportive family so I am so grateful for the support my good friend as well as my counselor has given me. The hurt is still here, of course, but I know for the sake of my children that I have to get through every day, so I do the best I can to stay busy. Please feel free to reach out to me. Take care always, Debra

 

Hi. My name is Debra, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I just read your reply and I have to say that it's true that you have to develop a new personality or your grief will destroy your life. And I have and still am struggling with that... I too was happily a wife and to have that taken away from me is extremely devastatingly painful! I used to log on here regularly to this site, but I have had to take a long break from doing so, as instead of helping me with my grief it was actually the opposite. But I'm back now, and I would like to be of support to the wonderful members again. Please feel free to reach out to me. Take care always, Debra

 

Jandel: The Grief and loneliness takes your breath away. I have joined a grief group at the church which helps. I have also attended our local PALS groups which is people with active lifestyles -- mostly women --but you go to lunch and find out about different activities in the community. I can concur with you, my family and friends have distanced themselves with regard to my group. Thank God I continue to work. I also swim laps in the evening when it gets too tough You might want to Google grief groups in your area. Blessings' Lorry

 

I've done the grief group thing and the continual rehashing of "Normal" was too much for me.
Grieving is terrible, I was hoping to find paths out of my darkness. Thank you for your thoughts tho. I no longer work so I need to find a way to fill in many hours but I'm not ready to face the world yet.

 

I find I have times I need to reach out and long times I need to walk away. I truly appreciate the support but my God we are a gloomy lot [and rightly so really]
I'm coming to learn that this is a journey we have no choice but to walk. How difficult or companionable it becomes, are the lessons we need to choose. Right now, I can't handle the idea of going out into the world so I stay at home, sewing mostly. Ideas are forming. Plans are looming. But I'm not quite ready to move away from home. Thank you for your reply tho

 

Hello Debra. I'm grateful for your post. My mind just doesn't function as well as I want it to and that is so unsettling. I'm told "Widow Brain" is normal. Today has been a good day. I've achieved a few things and sorted out some house repair problems. Now it's time to look in the fridge and see what I can cook as I really don't bother with cooking much and I was always someone who enjoyed creating and cooking. Today, I'm tired and can not give you the courtesy you deserve but I do appreciate your words. MF

 

Yes, Jandel. I agree with you. You have to start over?! I feel like an alien. I swam laps yesterday and that helped a little. I feel like an ice cream scooper is carving out my insides. I immediately try to start saying the Our Father continually until a little of it subsides. Prayer seems to help at times. I ask God to shelter me. Lorry

 

Hello Jandel. I completely understand how you are feeling, as I go through the same thing, I feel unsettled, and my mind just doesn't function the way it used to, or the way I want to it to. And I'm so glad that you had a good day, and hopefully you will again today. I so understand how you feel about cooking, I used to enjoy it, but now it's like I do it just for my kids. Although what we go through is labeled as "normal" that hasn't been any comfort to me...
Well, I will be here anytime you would like to correspond, and I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Take care,
Debra

 

Thank you.
Wouldn't you know it? Just as I get over a really bad "grief wave" I've come down with the flu.
Oh well. I have a stack of packet soup if I must.

 

Alien is a good word. I had a rather nasty, dark "grief wave" last week. Got over it finally, spent 2 good days catching up with sewing and the gym and now have the worst flu. Oh well. I try to start again when this too has passed. Thanks for your post tho.

 

Thank you.

 

You're welcome. I hope that you have been feeling a lot better, and I'm keeping you in my thoughts.