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Loneliness From Crisis to Chronic

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by plalonde, May 1, 2019.

  1. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    You're so welcome, Lorry. And I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand because I feel the exact way about Keith in that I can't stand the emptiness in the house without him, and I was his caregiver as he went through throat cancer... and we had been married for over 40 years... and I know how you feel about losing yourself, because when Keith died, I feel like a huge part of me went with him!!
     
  2. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    Debra: what kind of grief counselor are you going to? Why did you decide to go? Do you have family that supports you? Lorry
     
  3. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    I actually get grief counseling over the phone through my husband's employer. They pay for the sessions. And unfortunately I only have one older sister who is supporting me, as well as the Chaplain who was with me the night my husband died.
     
  4. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I was in shock the first few months. The pain right now feels like it again however. Thank you for reaching out to me Debra. Prayers, Lorry
     
  5. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, Lorry. And I am in shock right now, so I know how bad that feels. And the pain is extremely miserable to go through. And I feel exactly the sane way you do. And you're welcome, and thank you for your prayers, I need them!! And I will pray for you also. And thank you for reaching back out to me, and know that I'm always here for you.

    Debra
     
  6. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    You are so very kind hearted Debra. I will continue to pray. E mail me if you need me. Lorry
     
    Debra M likes this.
  7. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much again, Lorry. And you are very kind hearted as well. And please don't hesitate to E mail me also if you need me, anytime.
    Debra
     
  8. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member


    Hi Lorry, I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts... and that I'm always here to support you.

    Take care always,
    Debra
     
  9. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    You as well Debra! It has just been 14 months and I cried this morning walking my dogs. It is so very empty. I appreciate you Debra. Lorry
     
  10. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Lorry. And I know how time goes by so quickly... and I'm so sorry that you had cried this morning as you walked your dogs. And I know how you feel, because it is so very empty. And appreciate you also, thank you, and I'm keeping you in my thoughts, as well as sending you many cyber hugs.
    Debra
     
  11. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    Deb: I do not understand why it is hitting me again for the past three days? Lorry
     
  12. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    Well, Lorry, it is because, like my grief counselor told me, the stages of grief that we go through goes back and forth. For example, you can be in the stage of shock, then return to the stage of extreme depression, and be crying alot again for days, then back to shock... and I know how extremely miserable it feels to be going through this, because I have been experiencing this for the entire 18 days that have passed since I lost my husband. And I'm so sorry, I feel your pain, and know that I'm always here for you.

    Debra
     
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  13. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    Thank you Debra. I just feel lost. I was doing better and then boom. I hope you have a good day! Lorry
     
  14. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    You're welcome, Lorry. And I know how it feels to feel lost, and to be on an emotional roller coaster! And I hope you will soon somehow be able to go back to doing better. And I will try to have a good day, today, thank you. And hopefully your day will be good also.
    Take care always
    Debra
     
    Dreary likes this.
  15. Dreary

    Dreary Well-Known Member

    Debra, Lorry, I am right there with you on this emotional roller coaster. After about 1 1/2 months, it is just ok some days and then suddenly I fall into the grief hole and just cry through the day. Sadness overload!!! Sending hugs, wishes for peace and comfort, Rita
     
    Debra M likes this.
  16. lredditt

    lredditt Well-Known Member

    Rita: It has been one and one half months? You are in shock I know. Remember to be kind to yourself. Blessings' Lorry
     
  17. Dreary

    Dreary Well-Known Member

    You too Lorry, I mostly post under "Loss of Spouse", on GIC. Can relate more there to all who have lost their beloved spouses. Hugs, Rita
     
  18. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    Rita,
    Thank you so very much for your kindness and support!! And going through such extremely painful grief is definitely an emotional roller coaster!! And I know exactly how you are feeling because it has just been 5 weeks for me. And falling into the grief hole is something that I have done every single day. And crying through the day is emotionally and physically exhausts me! And it is sadness overload, and just feels like it is so hard to get through every day, yet I have to continue to take one day at a time, because I have to take care of my daughters. And thank you so much for sending me hugs, and your wishes for peace and comfort. And for reaching out to me!! And I am sending you hugs as well as wishing you peace and comfort also. And you will be in my thoughts. And it is so good that we have people here on GIC that we can reach out to, and be supportive to each other!
    Take care always,
    Debra
     
    Dreary likes this.
  19. Jandel

    Jandel Member

    I'm at 14 mths. The dust has settled and people go back to their own lives just as I did before I became a widow. I think as much as I'd like to think I "mattered" to my friends, I'm no longer part of their pack. So I have learnt about loneliness, grief which can keep me in bed , in the darkness for days. At first I thought it was depression. Now I've learn it's how and where I'm finding myself, who I am now and what plans am I not only making but can keep to.
    The first was the shocking discovery that I have very little self discipline. It is damaging my life.
    The second is finding a daily routine for "me" not the one "we" had. That also meant facing my lack of interest in what my home needs to have done to it regularly
    The third is how little self care I have and facing the result of that.
    Finally, the loneliness. I don't know how I will find a way to live with it but I must. It is causing me to fail to accept the death of my husband. My mind can but my actions don't show it.
    I think that after having been with someone for 34 years, it's going to take quite a while to find a life of my own,, on my own.
     
  20. Jandel

    Jandel Member

    And it did. A life you were part of has gone and we are left floating in this dark empty space not knowing how our if we have the energy to find our way out and start a life we had no wish to live. I think we underestimate the shock of how much we need to change. I think we underestimate how draining it is to get up after that shock. I think we take a long time to come to grips that life has just forced us to change our personality. I am a woman who has been and wanted to be part of a couple. I was happy, content, accustomed to the rhythms of my life.
    Now I'm finding that behind all the grief, shock loneliness and ignorance of the jobs "he" did; I have to learn to be a Single Woman and that is not "me". I was happily a "wife, a mate"
    Nowhere, in all the grief groups, the conversations I've had has anyone told me that I have to develop a new persona or my grief will destroy my life. Does anyone else see this?