Just lost the love of my life

Bernadine,
We all know what we need to do but we need reminders. I understand how walking Maggie can lift your spirits. I can’t walk Teddy because of my RA but being out with him does a world of good. Fresh air and my best friend. Only thing better would be having Ron here. Our spouses and loved one are with us and trying to guide us. We have to pay attention.
have a good day, Robin

 

Bernadine, thank you for throwing a
lifeline to me this morning, while I
was an emotional, crying, guilty wreck.
"Living two lives, but not being present in
either"captures those daily visits to the
rehab. unit. Linda called me from her
bed in the unit, in the middle of the
night. She was very sad, lonely, and
disoriented bc she thought it was 8 or 9
in the morning. She said she was sorry to
wake me up, but I said I didn't mind. Linda
was in pain, & the cold overnight nurse
was stingy about her pain medicine. All
I could do was listen, but I was helpless to
"save" her, and couldn't be with her, when
she cried out for me. I was with her at the
end, but her last words to me were,
"push the button" for help from the
nurses. Most of the time, I don't think of
that, but a tsunami wave had me gasping
for air,this morning. Thank God for you,
Robin, &the other kind GW. Lou

 

Brother George, it is comforting to see you
on here this am.What started out as a sad
dream about Linda, became a tsunami
of guilt, as I told Bernadine. My 1st
instinct was to reach out to GIC, and I
was so comforted by Bernadine and
Robin. Wish you & I could sit across from
eacn other, & take turns doing primal
scteams. On second thought, doing that
outside would be better. Lou

 

I'm sorry you're going through it right now. We all definitely have our moments. Its fine to have moments we've lost a big part of our life. Im sure you were a wonderful husband. We all just suffer from coulda,woulda,shouldas after losing someone. Im sure everything you could've done you did it. It just never stops us from wonder if we missed something or wonder if we could've done something differently. Its hard to like anything or feel like you belong somewhere when the person you did everything with is gone. There is no time limit on grief. Express your feelings here with us as much as you want because we get it. Its sad that this is how we all had to meet but we're here for support never the less. Take your time and treat yourself to small things one a week and then go up to once every other day and so on. Make a list and choose something off it to do. That'll help give you some to look forward to. Praying for your strength with each passing day.

 

Bernadine, it was heartwarming to hear
from you AND Robin, in my hour of need
this morning.When Linda died in front of
me,over 3 years ago, I had to see a grief
therapist. She was very kind, &
suggested GIC, but I didn't join until July
of this year. My grief counseling with her
ran its' course. This past year, I had
phone therapy sessions with a male
counselor, & we had a different dynamic.
I never cried with him, & he always
ended the hour on a lighter note. We
explored my relationships with friends &
strangers, & the possibility of dating
again ( Linda had said she wanted that
for me, if.......). My feelings have changed,
& meeting another woman, though not
off the table, is not a priority for me
right now. I lean toward Jonathan's
view in The Widower's Notebook, about
not desiring to "tell my life story" to a
new woman. The thought of that
exhausts me. I finished the phone
therapy sessions, bc they didn't adequately
address my feelings of grief for Linda,
after 25 years of marriage. TGW on
GIC, however, is a vital part of my
feeling whole again. Thank you again,
Bernadine,for being there for me. Lou

 

Lou I’m sorry you ended up in the dark side of Mr Grief’s Amusement Park last night. I’ve never met as many people that love their spouses as much as TGW. Its an honor to be here to hear your journey along with B Robin George Sweetcole Karen Deb Patti Rita Helena Debra Nancy Chad Rick Tom and TK. I’m sorry if I missed someone. This is controversial but when I feel like I’m under spiritual attack I use the prayer “Satan in the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave”. The prayer has to be spoken out loud. I’ve received positive results many times and I’ve had to say it repeatedly until I finally fell asleep. Riding high in April shot down in May. We pick ourselves up and get back in the race. Keep on trucking older brother Lou. Gary

 

Well, it was cute and did make me laugh.

 

Karen, was that image supposed to be
Robin? It was funny. Lou

 

Well then I did it on purpose. Lol!

 

Yes Lou, I have those images on my iPhone. We can create ourselves. But I takes uploading a file. Choosing a file and agreeing to it to get it to post. That’s where the quandary comes in. I didn't do any of that. But apparently y it got people talking so....

 

Of coarse George, we’re here to keep each going and give support. Nothing in life can prepare us for this nightmare. All we have is each other and what has helped others. I know we all need different things but the one thing that seems to support most people is fresh air. I’m hoping today continues to be better day. ❤️

 

Gary, My brother, you & one
of our other brothers, George, always
come through for me. I saw your
LIKES, and I knew you'd come aboard.
Funny that you quoted the Sinatra line
from That's Life. I was in a more somber
mood, & found comfort in his slower,
sadder, lonelier ballads: Cycles, Love's
Been Good to Me, and A Man Alone. Linda
& I had a CD , called Cycles. When I moved,
I gave some CDs to a friend & donated
the rest to our local library. Seeing these
CDs depressed me. I would rather play
songs on my phone, when the spirit
moves. I wrote down a list of the widows
& widowers who stayed with us on GIC.
I'm in a restaurant, greeted warmly by
the owner. I needed that today. My
list of names is at home, but your
names look complete. Sunny today, so
I want to seize the day & see my friends
on the Neck, on the ocean, bc it may
rain heavily,at times, tomorrow. At least
it isn't snow. God Bless. Lou

 

I find it so much easier to interact in person. I'm a bit more pulled together today so far. I always feel intense guilt about Valerie. Grief Sux!

 

Oh no Lou, you really got me laughing. You're so cute -- I'm still laughing and I hope Robin reads your post. She will get such a kick out of it. That should go on the laughter thread.

By-the-way everyone who gets the daily reflection from Center for Loss - todays March 11th, powerful statement.

 

Karen, I'm glad I made you laugh, as
always. But, if you see my talks with
Bernadine, Robin, George, & Gary, you
will see that Mr, Grief had a stranglehold
on me from the moment I woke up with
another "hug Linda " dream. I was
disoriented, & thought it was Sat, for
most of the day. Thank God for TGW. I
ended the phone therapy, bc I didn"t
feel comfortable crying with the male
counselor, like I did over 3 years ago
with the kind female psychiatric nurse
practitioner/ grief therapist. I had a boxing
match with Mr. Grief today, but was
determined not to end up on the mat.
I finally went to see friends, who cheered
me up. I'm OK now, looking forward to
a relaxing evening. The Center for Loss
quote was powerful today, & quite
fitting for me today. Lou

 

Lol! Looks like you were just telling us to keep fighting.

 

Just when the caterpillar thought the world is over, it became a butterfly.
Anonymous

Maybe we all become butterflies.........sending hugs, peace and comfort to all and to myself, Rita

 

On-line: Blog — Dr. Eleora Han
Helpful reading - you might want to check it out -
August 2019

• 1 of the Absolute Best Quotes on Grief That Will Bring You Comfort and Peace Aug 4, 2019

 

I did listen to “a man alone” by Sinatra when you suggested it. I found it painfully depressing though. I’m hooked on a music video by Led Zeppelin made in the 60s of the song “how many more times”. I’m glad you seized the Day older brother Lou. I knew you would. I had an appointment with my healer Thursday. My healer suggested I read the book “the gift of imperfection” by Breen Brown. I just ordered it along with “becoming radiant” by Tom Zuba. besides Mr. grief low self-esteem and insecurity are my closest companions. I had a let down too when I woke up to the snow and cold weather today. I knew it was coming and spent a lot of energy walking through the woods to be exhausted being home bound today. The weather here is supposed to be in the 70s next week. I hope you have good weather coming too. It is so nice having friends at GIC and not being so alone. Take care. Gary

 

Lou, I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. And I know how miserable you felt after you had that dream about Linda. And at the same time, know that she did feel your love, and you were a so very caring, and so very empathetic husband to her. And I hope that you did enjoy your outing today. And you are in my thoughts.
Take care always
Debra