Just lost the love of my life

Debra, I must have had a senior moment,
bc somehow, I had to log in again. Today
is Monday, March 7. I was pleasantly
surprised to see you mention my name,
& that I was able to make you laugh,in
spite of your deep sadness over Keith's
death. I admire you for reaching out to
comfort new members, like Rita
("Dreary"),as well as to talk with our
regular members. Lou

 

Hi Lou. And I do understand. And thank you so much for checking in. And I'm sorry for my delayed reply, I had so much going on yesterday, and I was out doing errands most of the day, and so I didn't log in. And it was so good to laugh, as every single day several times a day, my deep sadness over Keith's death consumes me, leaving me so emotionally and physically exhausted by the end of the day. And I do like to reach out to new members, as I completely identify with their extreme pain, and I want to be supportive to them. And I hope that you have been able to enjoy some time with friends lately, and that your weather has been good. And you have been in my thoughts...
Take care always
Debra

 

Rita, ( I would rather call you that than
"Dreary"), I am so sorry to hear the very
sad story of the death of your husband &
soulmate, Ron. I chose Van Gogh, as my
user name, bc I was a tortured soul, like
the artist, when my wife, Linda, died
suddenly in front of me, over 3 years ago.
She was 68. We were married 25 years,
no children. Like you, we had a favorite

nurse. She gave me the devastating news
that Linda had no pulse. The rescue
squad tried to revive her in the
ambulance, on way to the ER, but I knew
it was over. She was dead on arrival. I
was in a state of shock, & had to see a
grief counselor. She told me about GIC,
but I didn't join until July of this year. I'm
so glad I did. I have 3 younger brothers
here, & have made close friends with
Deb, Patti, Karen, & Robin, as well as
newer ones, Bernadine, Debra, Nancy,
& Helena. I'm sorry if I left anyone out.
Some people have moved on. I hope you
will stay with us on GIC. I have a feeling
you will. Lou

To Debra, Gary, Rita, & others, I'm happy
to report that I'm back on GIC, today,
March 8. I didn't panic, & got back on a
different way. Thank you for all your
"LIKES" on my posts. Lou

 

Hi again, Lou. And I'm so glad and it's so good to see that you are back. And you're welcome. I always enjoy your posts. And I hope that today will be a peaceful day for you.
Debra

 

Thank you, Debra. My day is off to a
good start, bc I didn't panic about not
being able to get back on GIC. We did
have a problem around Halloween
last year, when GIC had to be rebooted.
40s & here, a sign of spring to come.
Hope weather is good where you are. Lou

 

You're welcome, Lou. And I'm so glad that your day is off to a good start, and it is good that you didn't panic about not being able to get back on GIC. And it is so good to know that you are back now!And hopefully the rest of your day will be good! And I hope that the problem you had around Halloween didn't last too long.. And although the 40's is pretty chilly, the good thing is that there is a sign of Spring to come. And the weather here has been in the 50's, so thankfully going out for walks and shopping for groceries has been a lot easier. We did have a couple of rainy days last week...
Debra

 

Hi Lou, Thank you for your message. I read about your dear wife Linda. I am so very sorry. As I mentioned to Gary about Cheryl, Linda would hate to see you grieving so much and too long. When people really love, they do not want to think of the other suffering. Try to do good for yourself because it is what she would want. I keep that in mind every moment. My love would not want me devastated by his loss. We were too close. If I had gone first, I would have hated to think he would feel this terrible grief and loss and mourn me forever. I'd want him to miss and love me, but to find happiness in his life without me here. Because I believe the soul/spirit never dies, I wouldn't want him grieving because he is not here with me now. I hang on to the belief that we will see each other again. Here I sit crying while I'm typing this, but it does my heart good to let out the emotions and share with others who understand. Lou, keep the faith, find small moments and things that bring a bit of happiness to help you heal for Linda. They will never really not be with us. Blessings and peace to us all, Rita

 

Debra,

I'm glad you've been able to laugh, even if every single one of those laughs is so over the top bittersweet... Laughter is so very important!!!, TUTTAM!!! Without it, we would always just exist... our world would always be so "beige," a word Lou's wife, Linda, used to describe everything that's boring, bland, etc... Love it!!! and have since adopted it. (Thank you Lou for sharing...)

Please continue to be very gentle with yourself... Keith's death is very recent. It SUCKS!!! As you said, grieving wears all of us out, both physically and emotionally, and so I'm glad that you didn't feel like you needed to log in yesterday. I've found that by taking short breaks from GIC whenever I'm totally drained, it helps me to be able to continue to move forward. While I love GIC, and all of my "friends," it's very painful "talking" to everyone sometimes. Sometimes I just need to escape from the world..., go into MIA mode, become a couch potato, wrapped in my very favorite, super soft, bereavement blanket, one of my best friend's from "home," sent me right after Bob's death, tune into Netflix and out of reality, with a cup of tea, and a big box of tissues nearby. (I think this last sentence might qualify for one of my way too long run on sentences, lol... However, I'm thinking of George right about now, so it's okay!!!)

I found in the beginning, like you, I wanted to help support new members too. I think supporting new members helped me more than it actually helped them. Now, like Lou and Robin, and all of the GW, including every GIC member, I think part of my purpose in life is to help people get through this total heartbreak, to let them know, that no matter how alone..., and lonely they're feeling, they are NOT!!! alone... There are so many wonderful, kind members on GIC who totally "get" it, and although this doesn't take away any of the pain, it's amazing how much just knowing others "get" it, can be source of comfort, sort of like going "home," to your safe place... the place where it's okay to be yourself, let all your feelings out, scream, cry, yell... while feeling comforted by all those virtual hugs...

I hope that you will continue to have at least one LMSO off moment daily...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Your kind reply came at a perfect time,
Rita. Thank you. As I told my close
friends, Karen, Robin, & Deb, I had a
tough time of crying over Linda's
death today. The cold winter still has me
in its' grip, after a warm tease on Sun.
When Linda & I retired to the coast of
Massachusetts, after being like fish out of
water in different inland towns, we were
finally happy. Then, Linda became ill.
One day in our apartment, she made me
promise that I would be healthy & try to
be happy, if something happened to her.
She shocked me by saying she even wanted
me to find another woman. I'm trying to
do her first 2 requests,but I'm not
actively seeking the 3rd. We were
inseparable, 24/7. People called us
"L&L". Did people call you & Ron,
"R&R"? Linda had a much more
unhappy childhood than I did. She said
our marriage was the best thing to
happen for her. When she was in the
rehab unit of the nursing home, she
said I was the only reason she was
hanging on. I felt terrible, bc I knew
that wasn't enough to save her. Thank God
for the kind people on GIC. In the end,
Linda was sad & bitter. She didn't like
too many people besides me, except,
perhaps, her favorite nurse, about her
age. I know I will be happier in the
spring & summer ( my favorite season),
when I can walk by the ocean & see
my friends. Linda & I traveled cross
country & down South, & I'm grateful for
that. I recall going through Virginia. What
part do you live in? Lou

 

Thank you so much, Deb. I agree that laughter is very important, but prior to this, I haven't been able to laugh in what feels like such a long time! And Linda had the right perception in her description of everything that's bland and boring as being "so beige"!

And I do try everyday to be gentle with myself, but at the same time, I know I have a long way to go, because every day is just like the day before it, in which I am overcome with extreme grief!! And it definitely does SUCK!! And it absolutely does wear us out both emotionally as well as physically, and I didn't feel the need to log into GIC yesterday, although I do love being a member and receiving as well as providing support to my friends that I have here... and I certainly understand why you feel like you need to take breaks as it helps you to move forward and that sometimes you have to go into MIA mode, and become a couch potato, wrap up in your bereavement blanket, and have your cup of tea with a box of tissues nearby.

And I feel like it does feel so good to offer new members support, And that you feel like part of your purpose in life is to help people get through this total heartbreak, and to let them know that no matter how alone they feel, they are not alone!...and it is so true that there are many wonderful, kind members herethat totally "get it" And although it doesn’t take away the pain, I do agree that it is amazing that just knowing others get it can be a source of comfort, sort of like going "home" to your safe place, where it's okay to be yourself, and to let all your feelings out, and to cry, scream and yell... while feeling comforted by all those virtual hugs...and I appreciate so much more than I can express that you as well as the other members here have been so supportive and so kind to me!!

And I will try to have at least one LMSO moment daily, and I hope that you will be able to also... and you will continue to be in my thoughts... and thank you so much also for sending me lots of hugs and peace...
And I'm sending you lots of hugs, as well as wishing you and all of us peace also...

Take care always
Debra

 

I am so so sorry to hear about your husband’s passing. I will pray for you. My husband died last year - he had health issues, but died suddenly from a stroke. Just know that me and others on here understand what’s like and are here if you need to talk. Just take one step at a time and be easy on yourself.

 

I know I'm MIA. I am too depressed and overwhelmed to do anything... its like this ...
Doors that will not open
or close
I cannot get over how
I'll never hold you in my arms of
my love again I'm alone
I don't like anything
I don't want to do anything
I feel useless
I feel dull
I'm sorry I was such a bad husband
and friend
I didn't want you to die
You were my Life

 

Susan, thank you so very much for reaching out to me, and for being so supportive amd empathetic, as well as for your condolences, and for praying for me. You are so kind and empathetic, and I do appreciate that. And I'm so so sorry to hear about your husband's passing also, and I will pray for you as well. And It is true that everyone here understands what going through extreme grief is like. And thank you so much for offering to be there for me to talk, and that means so much to me! And I have been trying to take one step at a time each day, to take it easy on myself. As I know that overwhelming myself would only serve to wear me out even more emotionally as well as physically.
And you will be in my thoughts.
Take care always,
Debra

 

George,

Wrapping you in one of the biggest virtual hugs... This poem is so beautiful... So sad... I had to reach for a tissue.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I know nothing I can say will help take away any of the pain you're feeling... Just want you to know, I'm here..., and will always be here, to "listen..."

Sending you lots more hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you so very much The Deb. This is the worst I've felt yet.

 

Susan, I was pleasantly surprised that you
are still with us on GIC. I remember that
you were married twice as long to Jim,
as I was to Linda. I guess you've been
following us but haven't posted for a
while. Others choose to do that, as well.
In spite of the fact that Jim died only a
year ago, you were kind enough to reach
out to one of our newest members,
Debra, from California, whose husband,
Keith, died so recently. My wife, Linda,
died over 3 years ago, but I miss her
every day. Lou

 

George,

I really wish there was something I could do to make you smile... All I know for certain, is that everything is always subject to change, TUTTAM!!!

Hoping tomorrow Mr. Grief will give you a much needed break, if only for a little while...

As always, sending you zillions of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George I feel your pain,!! I read your poem and I cry, Mr. grief doesn't stop. TATTUM describes everything.