Just lost the love of my life

Knew you'd like that one, Karen! Lou

 

I always say tomorrow will be a better day and when it comes tomorrow I never know how I'll feel. It was so easy to make decisions when Geoff was here. Together we planned our future, but now I don't know from one day to another, sometimes I don't care if I eat, but I have to eat, I have to take care of myself, I don't have my support, my only friend to plan anything. He was ill for so long, to see him a very strong man and his Cancer took my Geoff away exactly one month after our 50th anniversary, I get so sad, so sad! At leat here I know people understand our sorrow!!. As a couple it was easy for Geoff and I to make the decisions together, now it is so difficult to think straight. Grieving it's taking all my energy, I miss him so much the love of my live!
Helena

 

Thank you, Lou! It did feel good to laugh...
And I love the phrase that you and your brother Gary came up with! Laugh MY SAD Off (LMSO) and although I'm not familiar with the old quote by Norman Cousins, I do remember seeing some of those old Laurel & Hardy comedies, and I have also heard that " Laughter is the best medicine". And I agree that our deep sadness over the deaths of our soulmates can never be put aside completely, but it is true that we can enjoy it for what it is. And Tom Zuba sounds like a wonderful as well as inspiring author, and I'm so glad that you did try his suggestion of enjoying the sunshine on your face and clearing your mind last Spring, and that it felt wonderful, and you plan on doing it again soon. And I do feel like we all should do what makes us feel that way.
And I also agree that Karen's idea of a laugh thread is a great one. And thank you so much for corresponding with me, I have been enjoying our talks so very much.
Debra

 

Thank you so much, Lou! And I love the phrase that you and your brother Gary came up with, "Laugh MY SAD OFF" (LMSO) and I am familiar with those old Laurel and Hardy comedies, as well as the phrase, " Laughter of the best medicine". And I do agree that of course, our deep sadness over the deaths of our soulmates can never be put aside completely, in that moment of laughter, we can enjoy it for what it is. And Tom Zuba sounds like a wonderful as well as inspirational author, and I'm so glad that you tried that you tried his suggestion last spring in his Permission to Mourn book, of enjoying the sunshine on your face and clearing your mind, and that it felt wonderful, and you plan to do it again soon! And I hope it will feel wonderful once again! And I also agree that Karen's idea of a laugh thread is a great one. And I did re type this message bc I didn't think my first reply went through, bc I didn't see it.
Debra

 

LOL! You made Mr laugh, again, Lou!

 

Greetings TGW. I feel like I’m with my family sitting on the couch listening to a beautiful conversation between my brother Lou and my sister Debra reading your messages today. You sound Like two beautiful birds chirping. Lou thanks for mentioning me as cofounder of LMSO. It is an honor. Helena it’s ok to mourn. That is the healing process of grief. Our culture is ignorant about grief. I had 3-4 balling jags every morning after losing my Cheerful Cheryl that lasted over two months. I was taught the pain has to come out. If it doesn’t it will come out in unhealthy behaviors or sickness. Luckily I mourned in the morning. It is very exhausting. Someone in our grief support meeting described it as feeling a big wave is coming like a tsunami warning. Then the grief wave hits. Pow. Wipe out. Then it moves away. And we pick ourselves up and keep going. In Tom Zuba’s book Permission to Mourn he says when you have mourned where you feel like you can’t go on tell yourself you are healing. You are healing. Permission to Mourn to me is the best read for grief. I need to reread it again. My grief is coming out in fatigue and mild depression now. It’s like living with a sore that won’t heal. But it is doable. I know I have to find something to distract myself from Mr Grief for a while or the days are more painful. I know I have to spend some time with Mr Grief to continue to heal. I’m grateful for all TGW. We understand and support each other. Gary

 

Hi Gary, and thank you so much for saying Lou and I sound like two beautiful birds chirping ... it has been so good to correspond with Lou. And although I know, at least for me, that crying so much makes me feel so worn out emotionally as well as physically, it is so true that the pain does have to come out! And that if it doesn't, it will definitely come out in unhealthy behaviors and sicknesses. And I'm so sorry for your loss!! And I totally understand why you feel like luckily you mourned in the morning. And I do know how exhausting it is. And actually, the person in your grief group described grief quite accurately, as it does feel like Tsunami warning. Then the grief hits and Pow!! Wipeout is absolutely imminent! And then we have to pick ourselves up and keep going. And I am so looking forward to reading Tom Zuba's Permission to Mourn book. And I'm sure that I can get a lot of insight out of it... and I know from my grief counselor, that grief has several stages that people go through back and forth, from one stage to the next, then repeat the stages over again... and I also know that fatigue and depression are a huge part of grief. And I agree with you, Gary, it is like living with a sore that won't heal. And on top of that, it is heartbreaking, devastating, miserable, and so extremely painful!! And I haven't reached the stage where it is doable, largely because of the fact that my husband's death is so recent, and I just cannot rid myself of the extreme tight grasp that Mr. Grief has on me!! Going out with my daughters, taking walks, I'm just desperately trying to break loose from Mr Grief, even though I know it's a temporary break ... I too, need to find something to distract myself from Mr. Grief or my days are more painful. So I certainly understand how you feel. And it is true that in order to continue to heal, we have to spend some more time with Mr. Grief. And I am also grateful to all TGW, and it is so good that we support as well as understand each other.
Take care always,
Debra

 

Helena, me again, Karen. I so relate to what you are saying, I really do. Yes I never know how I will feel the next day, I don't have an appetite, but force myself to eat. Yes, Jack and I made decisions together now I'm finding it so hard to cope alone taking care of this house, financial, property maintenance, car maintenance, and so on. I guess we have to learn the best we can. Yes grieving takes all our energy and to cope with life and try to do what two of you did now to only one is so difficult. I understand. Blessing to you always, Karen

 

Karen, thanks for reading and relating to my sadness, I know that I have had in 2006 my anticipatoty grief, but this time is my reality!... trying to deal with absolutely everything, not having any family close by or friends to at least lending me their ears or just a hug, I really feel so miserable, and then comes another day its the same!
Thanks for your understanding and blessing, Helena

 

Hi Lou, I just wanted to say you are in my thoughts. And whatever you have planned for today, you will have a peaceful day.
Take care always
Debra

 

Hi Ann, I too lost the love of my life of 38 years in early February 2022, and can relate to each and every word. I am getting through each day moment by moment. The pain and crying is more than I can bare sometimes, but I pray that each day will get better. I have read many of the shared stories here and know I am not alone in my suffering and grief, unfortunately it is very widespread. Sometimes that helps a lot and then it all just overwhelms me. I truly understand and feel there are many wonderful people here that share and put their hearts out there to try to help us all. I am very new at this and it will take me a little time to get me used to sharing my feelings. Please take care and know you are thought of along with so many others. I will continue to be here.

 

I so feel for you. I lost my Valerie a year ago after a horrible battle with cancer. Some days are a bit better than others. I'm in a bad phase now.

 

Saturday, yesterday it was 67 for a day! But super windy. Cold, sharp wind... now back to the 30s! Thatz Spring in the Windy Onion!

 

Sorry, new to this, see my message below.

 

Hi Dreary,
I’m so very sorry about your recent loss.
I’m glad you’ve been reading our stories, I found that helpful too in the beginning and don’t worry about sharing your feelings or figuring out how to post… we’ve all been new to this and learning, our brains just doesn’t function quite the same when we’re having big emotions like grief. Stick around and you’ll see that at least that part gets easier.
Grief is intense and like you said it feels like more than you can bear sometimes. It does get better, but right now it’s ok to just not be ok.
You may have read that my partner, Kenn, died 4 months ago at the beginning of November so I am fairly new around here too. I found it really does help to have people understand what it feels like to have such a huge hole in my life, in my heart. In the beginning Deb said something that helped me feel like I would fit in, “I’m glad you’re here and sorry you have to be.” I’ll extend that to you as well.
~Bernadine

 

Hi Bernadine, Thank you so much for reaching out to me. It has definitely been a horrible month (lost my love on 2/8). He is the light of my life and the love of my heart. And I miss him so very much. Knowing that you and others here have gone through this helps to ease that feeling of being so very alone in the depth of pain and loss. I am truly sorry that you are here too because it does mean you are suffering as well. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I just take it moment to moment and hope somehow that the next moment will be less painful as I am sure you know. I plan on being around for a while because it brings me comfort to know that we are all in this together. I wish you comfort and hope you will reach out if you need to talk. Again, my sincere thank you for being there for me today. Rita

 

Hi Rita, I'm very sorry for your recent loss, I know how it feels grieving for your love one.
Today its the 6th Sunday that my love of my life and the only friend I got left me with a broken heart! and I know that now, you are taken this painfully journey!, but also I'm glad that you found GIC, this is one of the sites that keeps me going bc we all are grieving for our love ones, evevy body its so sopportive for one another which is so important, we need to reach and find some confort in our sorrow. Here you can share your feelings without judgement. I really feel so sorry that you are going through the most painfull road, but we just try to help each other with our grieving.
Helena

 

Thank you so very much Helena and am truly sorry for your loss as well. Rita