Just lost the love of my life

Debra, I don't know where we will be without our friends here! You are in our thoughts, we feel for your sadness, tomorrow will be a better day!! Helena

 

Deb,
Thank you so very much for sending Mr the very biggest virtual hug, as well as for your understanding, empathy, and support!! And although it is hard for me to do sometimes, I do try to keep in the back of my mind that I am healing...
And I'm so very sorry that you've had to give Mr. Grief several swift kicks today because it feels like he is going to do everything he possibly can to drown you in tears... and it is good that you have been repeating "I AM!!" healing over and over again in your head...
And I realize that it was a big mistake for my daughters and I to attend the Passover dinner, because it was such a sad miserable experience for us!! And it absolutely did SUCK!!
And I fully understand why you refused to attend any holiday celebrations last year with the exception of Thanksgiving. And I'm so glad that although it was laced with sadness, it turned out to be a much better day than you had expected. And although you had been suffering through this miserable experience longer than I have by the time Thanksgiving had rolled around last year,

 

George,you're not alone in your feelings
of sadness, anger,and missing your dear
soulmate, Valerie,who should be by your
side. I felt all those emotions, and tried to
keep from barfing on creepy, Mr. Grief's
roller coaster ride. I'll be glad when
Easter, a real family holiday is over, and
it's just a regular Monday. Lou

 

Helena, I smiled at a woman, a stranger,
coming toward me on the sidewalk
yesterday. I even said hello. She smiled &
said hello back. I took a risk, bc not
everyone says hello back, & I try not to
take it personally, as Tom Zuba says. Lou

 

Mr Grief is sucha bitch today!
Thinkin bout Ham and Blueberry Pie and Plastick Aestre Egg Halves and jolly Rancher Jelly beans.. jello Jigglerz ... How we used to have so much fun at the Target in the Easter kandy aisle... It used to make her so happy...

 

Deb, thank you so very much your warm, heartfelt message, and for sending me the very biggest virtual hug! And I'm sending you the very biggest virtual hug also!! And I do try to keep in the back of my mind that I'm healing throughout this extremely miserable experience! And I'm so sorry that you have had to give Mr. Grief several swift kicks today because it feels like he is going to do everything he possibly can to drown you in tears... I know exactly how miserable that it feels!! And it is good that you have been repeating "I AM !!" Healing over and over again in your head...
And I realize that it was a big mistake for my daughters and I to attend the Passover dinner, because it was such a sad, miserable experience for myself and my daughters, and it absolutely did SUCK!!!
And I fully understand why you refused to attend any holiday celebrations with the exception of Thanksgiving. And I'm so glad that although it was laced with sadness, it turned out to be a much better day than you expected. And although you had been suffering through this miserable experience longer than I have by the time Thanksgiving rolled around last year, it is so true that everyone heals at his or her own pace. And I will continue to try and be more gentle with myself.
And I can imagine how it feels to you, being that you and Bob celebrated Easter BIG!!! TIME!!! with your children every year, to what it is like now... and I fully understand why you decided to spend today alone and that you have/need to do whatever you can to preserve whatever shred of sanity you have left. And I'm so very sorry that April has been an over the top difficult month, with so many over the top bittersweet memories, that were once over the top happy memories. And it is understandable that you need to recover and you are feeling exhausted physically and emotionally.... and hopefully you will have more peaceful days ahead!!
And thank you so very much for saying you fully understand, and you're sure all of TGW, all of our GIC "family" understands also why I need to "visit" less frequently. And I feel like you and Gary and all TGW here are very kind as well as so empathetic and supportive! And I appreciate you sharing with me what Gary's heartfelt message to you was!! And he was totally right!! You did need to step away and put yourself first if you were going to be able to continue moving forward to heal. And I need to do exactly that also!! And like yourself, every time I read an over the top sad story on GIC, I need a tissue, and I can (almost) feel the unbearable pain he/she is suffering, and it breaks my heart also!! And I want to give them a huge hug, and to let them cry and talk, and just be there to listen...
And it's so awesome that after doing lots of thinking about what Gary told you, you realized that you weren't giving yourself the same TLC you want to give others...
And although you are MIA much more often, the fact that you miss our GIC "family " and you think about and pray for strength for everyone daily just shows how kind, caring and empathetic of a person you are!! And I do appreciate that!! And it is so important that you are doing the things you need to do to help yourself! And though you feel like you will NEVER be as content, as happy, and at peace than when you and Bob were together, TUTTAM!!! I'm so glad that you are getting back to doing the things you enjoy! And I feel exactly the same way about Keith!!
And it is awesome that your creative energy is starting to return, and that you have been turning your house into a home. And I understand why you feel Bob's presence more than ever, and you find yourself talking to him and asking him what he thinks. And I feel Keith's presence also, but at the same time,as I think of him I end up crying inconsolable for a long time! And so I can relate to you feeling like an emotional mess!
And I fully understand why

 

George, my mourning for Linda has
caused me to hate all family holidays &
celebrations, except one. A kind family
invited me to their home, for a
Thanksgiving feast, last year. I declined
their invitations in previous years, bc
Linda died right before Thanksgiving, in
2018. As Helena said to TGW, tomorrow
will be a better day for all of us. Lou

 

This holiday just kinda snuck up on me this year.

 

Deb, thank you so very much your warm, heartfelt message, and for sending me the very biggest virtual hug! And I'm sending you the very biggest virtual hug also!! And I do try to keep in the back of my mind that I'm healing throughout this extremely miserable experience! And I'm so sorry that you have had to give Mr. Grief several swift kicks today because it feels like he is going to do everything he possibly can to drown you in tears... I know exactly how miserable that it feels!! And it is good that you have been repeating "I AM !!" Healing over and over again in your head...
And I realize that it was a big mistake for my daughters and I to attend the Passover dinner, because it was such a sad, miserable experience for myself and my daughters, and it absolutely did SUCK!!!
And I fully understand why you refused to attend any holiday celebrations with the exception of Thanksgiving. And I'm so glad that although it was laced with sadness, it turned out to be a much better day than you expected. And although you had been suffering through this miserable experience longer than I have by the time Thanksgiving rolled around last year, it is so true that everyone heals at his or her own pace. And I will continue to try and be more gentle with myself.
And I can imagine how it feels to you, being that you and Bob celebrated Easter BIG!!! TIME!!! with your children every year, to what it is like now... and I fully understand why you decided to spend today alone and that you have/need to do whatever you can to preserve whatever shred of sanity you have left. And I'm so very sorry that April has been an over the top difficult month, with so many over the top bittersweet memories, that were once over the top happy memories. And it is understandable that you need to recover and you are feeling exhausted physically and emotionally.... and hopefully you will have more peaceful days ahead!!
And thank you so very much for saying you fully understand, and you're sure all of TGW, all of our GIC "family" understands also why I need to "visit" less frequently. And I feel like you and Gary and all TGW here are very kind as well as so empathetic and supportive! And I appreciate you sharing with me what Gary's heartfelt message to you was!! And he was totally right!! You did need to step away and put yourself first if you were going to be able to continue moving forward to heal. And I need to do exactly that also!! And like yourself, every time I read an over the top sad story on GIC, I need a tissue, and I can (almost) feel the unbearable pain he/she is suffering, and it breaks my heart also!! And I want to give them a huge hug, and to let them cry and talk, and just be there to listen...
And it's so awesome that after doing lots of thinking about what Gary told you, you realized that you weren't giving yourself the same TLC you want to give others...
And although you are MIA much more often, the fact that you miss our GIC "family " and you think about and pray for strength for everyone daily just shows how kind, caring and empathetic of a person you are!! And I do appreciate that!! And it is so important that you are doing the things you need to do to help yourself! And though you feel like you will NEVER be as content, as happy, and at peace than when you and Bob were together, TUTTAM!!! I'm so glad that you are getting back to doing the things you enjoy! And I feel exactly the same way about Keith!!
And it is awesome that your creative energy is starting to return, and that you have been turning your house into a home. And I understand why you feel Bob's presence more than ever, and you find yourself talking to him and asking him what he thinks. And I feel Keith's presence also, but at the same time,as I think of him I end up crying inconsolable for a long time! And so I can relate to you feeling like an emotional mess!
And I fully understand why although you are beginning to feel comfortable in your house, you still have to leave the doors to the guest room and bathroom closed. And though it is so good you are beginning to cook and eat at the kitchen table, it is also understandable that you still need the company of your chrome book. And I agree that's good I have come to the realization that I need more time to myself. And it is true that Keith's death is over the top raw because it was so very recent. And I can relate to the fact that you didn't realize you needed to take care of yourself better. And thank you so much for sharing your realizations with me, because that has helped me realize I should be be doing that! Oh, my God, Deb! You have helped me so much more than I can put into words! And I appreciate that you have taken the time to reach out to me! As well as your saying that you hope that in giving myself the same TLC I give to others, not only willI feel a little better, but it will make me a stronger person and able to tackle Mr. Grief head on and win more of the miserable multiple daily battles, and give me the time I need to figure out who I am now without Keith's presence. And I'm hoping that you will be able to win those battles as well!! And thank you so much for reminding me that I'm a TGW, TUTTAM!! And for saying you and our GIC "family" will be here for me when I need you! That means so much to me!!
I'm keeping you as well as our GIC "family" in my thoughts as well as praying for all of you daily! And sending you zillions of hugs as well as wishing you and everyone here peace!! Take care always, Debra.

 

Deb, I just saw this warm reply, and thank you so much for being so kind and understanding!! And I was finally able to get all of my message to go through, and I was logged in, so I don't know why it kept cutting off!! And I'm always happy to hear from you also, thank you so much!! And I will continue to take the very best care of myself as I possibly can, and please continue to take the very best care of yourself as you possibly can as well!
And thank you so much also for sending me zillions of hugs and love my way, and peace!! And I'm sending you zillions of hugs and love your way also!! And wishing you and all of us peace.
Debra

 

George, after I wrote to you that I still
like Thanksgiving, I read that Deb felt
the same way. All the other holidays fit
into my "it's only one day" philosophy. Lou

 

Deb,
Oh, most definitely it does SUCK when pouring out your heart,only to delete the message by accident, but actually it wouldn't post my reply, because it kept saying I needed to log in, and I was already logged in so I don't know what happened! And thank you so much for praying for a better day tomorrow for myself and my girls! And I hope that you will have a peaceful evening and find peace in every day!!

 

Helena, thank you so very much for your empathy and support, you are also very kind! And I totally agree, I don't know where we will be without our friends here as well!! And thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts as well as your wish for tomorrow to be a better day! And I'm sending you cyber hugs, as well as keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you will find peace in every day! Take care always,
Debra

 

Lou,

I'm sorry, I know yesterday was such a sad day for you, for me, for so many of our GIC "family...," but I couldn't help but laugh when you used the word, "barfing." I haven't heard anyone use this word in such a long time... It reminds me of a very funny, but not funny then!!!, TUTTAM!!!, a road trip Bob and I took with our children when they were small. A story for another time, if with this foggy widow brain, I remember to tell it, lol...!!! For now, another one of those TBC's...

Praying for strength for you, for all of our GIC "family...," the strength we need to continue to heal, wherever this journey takes us, to fulfill whatever our purpose in life is... WE CAN & WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!

Hope today is a much better day for you, for all of us...

As always, sending you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

As I've been saying so frequently lately, no words of wisdom, no advice, just sending zillions of hugs and love your way...

Hope Mr. Grief gives you an over the top needed break today...

As I said to Helena earlier today, looking forward to Art Wednesday...

Coffee cup is empty, need a refill...

With lots more hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, I KNEW you'd like "barf"! Thought of
writing "vomit", but "barf " is more
colorful, & reminds me of my funny,
beer drinking college buddies. Another
word would've been "hurl"! I think that
Wayne & Garth used "hurl" in the movie,
Wayne's World. I saw that movie, by
myself, in a theater, when it was first
released. Later, I saw it (and the sequel)
on DVDs at home with Linda. Today is a
MUCH better day than yesterday,as you
can see from my reply to Helena. It's
beautiful here, & I'm happy for the
runners in the Boston Marathon today.
It's not too hot or rainy as in past years.
I know that you live in the same state of
South Carolina as Helena and Patti, & I
feel bad for you in the PITA weather. Lou

 

All GW, I have been absent for a couple of days.....just having my own tough time with Mr Grief these days.....hard to put positive words out there when you are empty and no words will come.....thank goodness there are those of you who can and although I try to read them all, I sometimes can't right now. I seem to be going through a real crying phase at the moment.....Easter was tough for us all from what I have read. I have not disappeared off the face of the earth and am still thinking of you all....sending hugs, hope, comfort, prayers and wishes for sunshine and smiles (have not had any recently, unfortunately), trying to see above the clouds. Snow here today, beautiful....my dearest love would have smiled to see it, he loved it!!, Rita

 

Lou,

So glad today is a much better day!!!, TUTTAM!!! Haven't read your reply to Helena yet, because as you probably already know by now, I have a habit of not reading messages in the order in which they were written. Makes GIC a bit more challenging, but it's an over the top difficult habit to break...

Hurl... That's another one I haven't heard in a very long time, one my kids used to use often... Reminds me of a funny, but not so funny, at the time it happened, experience my three kids had when they went on a cruise together in 2012. They had Bob and I laughing until tears were streaming down my face. Of course, Bob had to add his two cents to the already over the top funny story..., lets just say it's a very good thing my plumbing system didn't need attention, lol...

There's NO!!! way I could do this story the justice it deserves by me telling it, you would need to hear it coming directly out of my kids' mouths as they were telling it to us, and of course, Bob's over the top funny comments... Plus, it's on the verge of way TMI... Let's just say my oldest son took full advantage of every single bar on that ship, all in one evening, lol...

I need a tissue... I just kicked Mr. Grief as hard as I can!!! He better not mess with me any more today!!!, TUTTUM!!! I'm fully prepared if he dares to return!!!, TUTTAM!!!

As always, sending you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Rita,

As I said to George this morning, no words of wisdom, no advice..., Just sending you the BIGGEST!!!, TUTTAM!!!, virtual hug... Mr. Grief SUCKS!!! I just give him a giant kick in the ass for you... Hopefully, I knocked unconscious, at least for a little while...

I haven't been anywhere near snow for such a long time, but miss it on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day... It's so over the top beautiful!!!, TUTTAM!!!, until cars, animals, and people get to it. I used to love watching the snow fall... on a cold afternoon/evening... cuddled up in Bob's arms... sitting close the fireplace... Just had to kick Mr. Grief again, this time a super hard kick for me, and since I was already at it, another super hard kick for you... It SUCKS...

Tomorrow is a new day..., a fresh start..., hope it's a much better one for you...

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Rita, I DID miss you, and your photos
& quotes. But, I understand the need to
pull back, recharge, put yourself first,
& seek serenity, before posting or
replying. Sometimes, I just say "LIKE"to
show I'm "listening" to stories. I must say
I'm horrified (!) to see your snow toward
the end of April. As all TGW know, I'm
WAY over snow & cold winter. It's a sunny,
50s day here in Ma, & I thank God
that I can see my friends again after
staying inside on a cold, dark, & windy
day yesterday, which matched my
mourning for Linda. Lou