Just lost the love of my life

Thank you, Karen. Like Deb said, I missed
you, a woman of few words & a mystery.
I think we talked more times today. to make up for it! Time for bed, on the
East Coast. TBC.....Lou

 

THANK YOU, Debra! I needed to get that
off my chest, for Linda & for myself. I
agree with Karen that GIC should be
about how we deal with mourning for
our spouses. I miss Linda so much, bc we
were on the same page how we viewed
people. She would have loved everyone
on GIC, as much as I do. Lou

 

You're welcome, Lou...and I wish that Newsom had more common sense...And I agree with Karen also in that GIC should be about how we deal with mourning pur spouses. And I know just how you feel, Lou. Bc I miss Keith so much, and I spend so much time crying...and we were on the same page as how we viewed people also...And it is so easy to love everyone on GIC, because they are so kind, caring, and empathetic, as well as supportive. And I hope that you have been or you will soon enjoy some more time with your friends.
Take care always,
Debra

 

Good Tuesday morning, March 1st. As you
can see, I went to sleep after your kind
reply last night, bc of our 3 hour time
difference. February was a terrible
month here, of very cold temps, high
heating bills,& snow. Looking at the long
range forecast for March, I'm hopeful that
it will be a much better month, for walking
outside. I am so glad you joined us on
GIC, so soon after Keith's death. When
Linda died suddenly, in front of me, I
had PTSD, & couldn't think straight. It
took months of grief counseling to get
over my guilt for not 'saving" Linda.
Like many here, I agonized that I wasn't
able to tell her I love her, or show
affection. Even now, 3 years after Linda's
death, I have an occasional dream that
I'm hugging & kissing her. When I wake
up & realize Linda is dead, I curse and
cry, at the unfairness of it all. That's why
I was so taken by Jonathan Santlofer's
The Widower's Notebook, and recommended it to TGW. I plan to walk to
one of my neighborhood breakfast
places, where the owners & some of the
diners greeted me warmly when I had not
been coming, bc of COVID. It was good to be missed. When I was in the hospital, I
prayed to God that I would live to see
another spring & summer, and God
answered my prayers. Lou

 

Good morning, Lou. And I hope you slept well. And thank you for your kind reply. I know that the winters over there are very cold, as you have snow, and so along with the very cold weather you are dealing with high heating bills, and that in itself is a pain! My sister lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and she lives in Bar Harbor, Maine now, so she too goes through that every winter. And although I love and miss Chicago, as Im from there originally, the drawback to living there is the bitter cold, very harsh winters!! And I'm hoping that March will be a much better month for you also. And I'm so glad that I joined you on GIC soon after Keith died as well, thank you. And I'm so sorry that Linda died suddenly in front of you, and that you had experienced having PTSD, and you couldn't think straight, and it took months of grief counseling to get over the grief of not "saving " her. There are no words I can think of right now to describe how devastating and heartbreaking that it is to be going through so much extreme heartache and to have those feelings! And I do understand why you agonized that you weren't able to tell her you love her or show her affection, bc I felt the same exact way about Keith. And I feel so bad that you still have those occasional dreams, bc I know how extremely unfair and so upsetting that it is! And it is so good that you recommended Jonathan Santlofer's The widower's notebook to TGW. And thank you so much. I'm planning on reading that book. And it is so good that you were going to walk over to one of your neighbor's breakfast places, and I'm thinking that you will enjoy your breakfast, and it's always great to be able to go out and be around other people that you enjoy spending time with. And I also know it is a good feeling to be greeted warmly and know that you were missed. And I'm so sorry that you had COVID!! That is beyond terrible!! Thank God your prayers were answered!! My heart goes out to you, Lou. You have endured so much grief, pain, and suffering!! And I feel so bad for all you have had to endure! And know that I will keep you in my thoughts, hoping that you will have more peaceful days coming up, as well as better weather.

Take care always,
Debra

 

Thank you so much for your warm &
detailed reply, Debra. I'm in a good
mood, sitting with my coffee, at one
of my local restaurants, overlooking
the harbor. Linda didn't go to these
restaurants. It would be too sad if she
did. Funny that you mentioned
Cambridge. Back in the late 80s &90s,
I lived & worked there, as an asst.
manager of a bookstore. Linda & I
met at a party in Boston in 1993, lived
together for 3 years, & got married on
Jan. 1st, 1996, in Las Vegas, with a
minister & a photographer, as our
witness. A good memory: Being
congratulated on the street, in mild
weather. Chicago sounds awful now.
George, on GIC, hates the long cold
winters . I was there & the wind went
through me. I wouldn't want to live in
Maine either. Sadly, the homicide rate
has increased in Chicago, NYC, & other
cities, to a frightening degree. I hope
that you will find a better place to live,
when you're ready. Another funny
thing: A buddy of mine & I drove
cross country in 1971, in his VW. His
car broke down in Bakersfield! We had
to sleep in sleeping bags near the car,
until it could be fixed. Hope you have
good weather today, & can walk outside
in nature. Lou

 

You're welcome, Lou. And thank you so much for your warm reply also. And I'm so glad that you are in a good mood, sitting with your coffee at one of your local restaurants, overlooking the harbor. It is so beautiful there! And I do understand how you feel in that it would be too sad if Linda did go to those restaurants. And Cambridge is a really nice area, I stayed with my sister for two weeks, and I absolutely loved it! And I'm thinking that you enjoyed living there and working as an assistant manager of a bookstore. And going to parties is a way to meet people, and so it is good that is how you met Linda, and that a good memory that you have is of being congratulated on the street in mild weather. And speaking of Las Vegas, I have some family there.
And I have to agree, Chicago does sound awful now, and that the winters are long and cold, and the wind does go right through people, and so I understand how George feels. And it's terrible, yet so true that the homicide rate has increased to a frightening degree along with NYC and other cities! I just miss it as the way it used to he before it got so bad! And definitely, I am not considering moving back there, when my daughters and I are ready to move. And it is interesting that you and a buddy were driving cross country in 1971 his VW and that it broke down here in Bakersfield! And I'm sure that it was very uncomfortable to have to sleep in sleeping bags near the car, until it could be fixed. I truly don't like it here, and I'm so looking forward to when my daughters relocate, and I know that is what Keith would have wanted, and we were planning to move in late April.
And thank you so much. The weather is a bit chilly today, not too bad, and so it will be good for my daughters and I to go out and walk in nature. And I hope that you will continue to have more of those good moods, as well as enjoy your time with your friends.
Take care always,
Debra

 

Thank you, Debra. I enjoy our "talks",
almost as good as a phone conversation,
but more like writing letters. When I was
young & foolish, at 22, my friend & I
slept in sleeping bags, in the woods, by
the road. We were so dumb, that we didn't
even have a tent, but we had a blast. We
ate a lot of beans & tuna, bc they were
easy. We never bothered with a campfire.
Needless to say, we drank a lot of beer. I'm
glad we had that adventure then. I gave
up drinking over a year ago, bc I got too
depressed. Sadly, I got word that my
buddy, who lived in Colorado, died at 50,
from colon cancer. Linda never met him,
& I lost touch with him. I thought he'd be
a confirmed bachelor, but, toward the
end of his life, he got married, and his
wife never left his side,in the hospital.
As sad as I was to hear the news of his
death at a young age, I was glad he had
someone with him at the end. I was born
in a small, seaside town. Although I liked
Cambridge at the time, Linda & I visited &
it wasn't the same. My favorite bar/
restaurants were gone, as was the
bookstore. I don't like living in a city
now. I've come full circle, bc I live in a
different seaside town now, but it
reminds me of my boyhood, when I
could walk everywhere: the movie
theater, library, waterfront, etc. I went to
the local movie theater last fall ( closed
for winter). It was wonderful to be in a
real theater, & not the shoebox ones in
the mall. I'm tapping into the enthusiasm
& wonder of my youth, & trying to seek
some happiness without Linda being by
my side, physically. Lou

 

You're welcome, Lou. And thank you, I enjoy our "talks" as well, and it has been so good to correspond! And I do feel like it is almost as good as a phone conversation, but more like writing letters. And thank you so very much for sharing your camping in the woods experience when you were younger, 22, and you and a friend camped out in the woods by the road, and you ate a lot of beans and tuna because they were easy. And I'm thinking that some campers don't always have a campfire, but it really is rough when you dont have a tent. And it is so good that you gave up drinking over a year ago! And I'm so sorry!! It is so very sad that you had gotten word that your buddy had died at 50 from colon cancer!!And at the same time, I'm so glad that he found a loving, caring, nurturing wife, and that she was with him until the end. And I do feel like we all do some things when we are younger, that we feel later on were dumb and foolish, so I certainly understand how you feel. When I was in Cambridge with my sister, we traveled to Vermont, and went hiking and camping , and it was so beautiful there!
And I know that so many places, besides Cambridge have changed over the years...
And I also understand why you don't like living in the city anymore. And I feel you are very fortunate to be living in a seaside town, especially because it reminds you of your boyhood, and that you could walk everywhere: the movie theater, the library, the waterfront, etc. And I know what you mean, the real theaters are far better than those shoe box ones in the mall. And I feel like also that it is so good that you are tapping into the enthusiasm and wonder of your youth, and trying to seek happiness. And I do hope you will be able to find some, as well as peace. And I am taking things one day at a time, while being consumed by my extreme grief at times...
And I'm so glad that you were able to go out today, and a little later on, my daughters and I will have that walk ...

Debra

 

Debra, I feel honored that you really
listen to me, & even quote me (!). I'm
much better when I'm on a mission, like
taking the bus to a nearby SMALL city,
to pick up my mail at my PO Box, go to
a favorite restaurant for lunch, & walk
in a different area, for a change of
scenery. When you walk with your
daughters, where do you go? Do you
ever have lunch in a restaurant with
them? Do you like to cook at home?
I have Celiac Disease, so I buy gluten
free breads & other items at the
supermarket. Most times, for supper,
I have Amy's frozen GF Mexican
dinners, which are easy, taste good, &
need only 40 to 50 minutes in the oven.
I also buy Stouffer's GF Mac & Cheese,
which tastes just like what I remember.
I'm grateful that it's gluten free! Lou

 

Thank you, Lou. And I have always been that way, because in quoting people, I feel like it shows you are really paying attention to what they are saying, and in our case "writing", and it shows that you are validating their thoughts and feelings. And I feel honored you really listen to me as well. And I'm so glad that you feel much better when you're on a mission, like taking a bus to a SMALL city, or picking up your mail at your PO box, as well as going to a favorite restaurant, or walking in a different area, for a chance of scenery. It is so good that doing all of those things has been helpful to you, making you feel much better! And my daughters and I usually take a walk to the park, or go to a nearby store, and we have had lunch at a restaurant... And although I do like to cook at home, cooking now for just my daughters and I has been something that I have had to get used to, I took so much pleasure over the years of cooking my husband's favorite dishes... and I'm so sorry that you have Celiac disease... thank goodness they have gluten free products like the Amy's frozen GF Mexican dinners in the stores!! And it is so good also that they are easy and take under an hour, and they taste good. And that the also Stouffer's GF Mac and cheese, which tastes like you remember, and that they are all gluten free! And it's great that you are able to find them in your grocery store. I mainly eat a lot of vegetables and fruits, and I do eat chicken, fish, and turkey, but I rarely eat beef...
And it has warmed up to 71 degrees here, it looks like although it isn't officially Spring yet, not until March 20th, we will be having some warmer days and evenings coming up prior until that date. And hopefully your weather is better there.

Debra

 

Good afternoon Debra and good evening Lou. I have been reading your correspondence between you two and I'm enjoying your experiencies in the different places you have being. Between our sadness its good to know that there are nice people like yourselves. As I read the different posts in this site, my mind gets distracted from my grieving all by myself. Again and again, I'm glad for WIC and a few good books that we can relate in our long journey from being half to eventually become whole even if takes long time. As always I only can send you love, peace and cyber hugs.
Helena

 

So glad you enjoy the talks Debra & I
have. Funny thing is that Deb told me
about you, from another thread, & that
you live in the same state of South
Carolina, as Patti & Deb. My fantasy is
that the 3 of you could meet in S.C. and
Karen, Debra, & Bernadine could get
together in the Northwest. Hope your
spring will bring warm, but not too hot,
temps, so you can walk outside in
nature. Lou

 

Debra, you may have noticed the gap in
time between putting a "LIKE" to your
post, and now. A woman , Kim, who's
like a daughter to me, drove me to the
supermarket, like she does once a week,
bc I choose not to have a car. I met her
when Linda was in the rehab unit. She
never met Linda, but was very kind to
me & comforted me when I sobbed. Her
parents are wonderful people, & are my
age. The woman, Kim, has 2 teenage
kids. They "adopted " me & invited me to
Kim's home for Thanksgiving. I was an
honored guest. Even their family dog
jumped into my lap before dinner. The
joke, that you, Karen, & others would
appreciate, is that the dog always had
one eye on the turkey! Lou

 

Hi Lou, and I'm so glad that Kim drives you to the supermarket once a week. And it is so good that although Linda never met her, she was very kind to you and comforted you when you sobbed. We all need to have that comfort as well as support. And she sounds like a wonderful person, as well as her parents. And it is so good that they "adopted" you and that you were invited to her home for Thanksgiving, and you were an honored guest. Especially on a holiday, it is so nice to be with other people, having dinner together...and thinking about the dog always had one eye on the turkey made me laugh for just a moment, something I havent been able to do these past 18 days. so thank you for sharing that joke with me! And I'm keeping you in my thoughts...

Debra

 

I came from Hawaii in 2013 as it was very difficult and too expensive to stay there, (I used to have many friends) but because of the very high cost of living and Geoff's medical expenses we couldn't continue in that $$$$ paradise. I reserched for a place where we could have a hospital nearby in an state which the whether is not to cold in winter, SC or Florida? We finished in SC, now I'm alone, I have mixed feelings, I don't know if I would stay here or in the near future (one to two years), that has to wait until I feel a little better to think in making a change.
I have never been to New England, I have seen pictures and it looks a very place, specially to enjoy nature and take long walks.
Please take care of yourself and always think tomorrow will be better and warmer day!
Helena

 

I certainly understand, Helena, as I have a friend that used to live in Hawaii, and your reasons for moving away to SC are the sane reasons she moved from Hawaii to California. And I understand also why you feel like you need to feel better first before making a change. And New England is very beautiful, and there are so many places to go and things to do and see!! And thank you, please take care of yourself as well... and hopefully tomorrow will be a better and warmer day!
Debra

 

One eye on the turkey and one eye on his master.

 

Debra, I'm so happy I made you laugh!
My brother Gary, from Indiana, & I, came
up with a phrase: Laugh My SAD Off,
( LMSO). I remember the old quote by
Norman Cousins. When he was in the
hospital, he watched comedies like
Laurel & Hardy, and said that, " Laughter
is the best medicine". Of course, our
deep sadness over the deaths of our
soulmates, can never be put aside
completely, but in that moment of
laughter, we can enjoy it for what it is.
Tom Zuba, in Permission to Mourn,
talks about enjoying the sunshine on
your face, & clearing your mind. I tried
that last spring, & it felt wonderful. I plan
to do it again, soon. Karen's idea of a
laugh thread, is a great one. Lou