Just lost the love of my life

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by AnnAdams, Feb 27, 2022.

  1. AnnAdams

    AnnAdams New Member

    My husband Ron passed on Friday and the tremendous pain and emptiness is unbearable. He was my compass, my partner in all things. What do we do when the person who would be your greatest comfort is the one who is gone? I just want to curl up in his arms and have him tell me it will be ok.

    I thought I would be ready; we knew for nine years that he would have a limited amount of time left when he was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis in Jan of 2013. We were so fortunate to receive the gift of a bilateral lung transplant in October of that year and were told to expect maybe five years at best. We always expected the dreaded rejected or kidney failure from the medications to take him. He was able to avoid rejection and keep from complete kidney failure, but his heart gave out. It was so fast, I took him to the ER on Saturday, on Monday we thought he was improving and on Friday morning he was gone. Never a chance to say goodby. Plenty of I love you but no goodby, no thank you for making me a better person and pushing me to do things I never thought I could do.

    I just don't know how to get though one more day without him let alone a year or a decade...
  2. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    Hi Ann,
    I just checked in quickly and saw your post.
    I’m so sorry your husband died.
    My partner died in November, he had been sick for quite some time and I can assure you that feeling of “I thought I’d be ready” is familiar to me.
    And “how to get through”. You said a day but it’s so new, start with an afternoon, or an hour. Or a minute, and then one minute more. Others will be along shortly I’m sure. I’ll be back later this evening. ~Bernadine
  3. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Ann, I'm so sorry about the death of your
    husband & soulmate, Ron. I saw the
    photo of the 2 of you, & you look like
    such a loving, fun couple. You did the
    right thing to get on Grief in Common.
    GIC has many kind people, who "get it"
    more than anyone outside, what it means
    not to have one's spouse there physically.
    Some of us saw our spouses linger &
    knew the end would come, but when it
    does come, the horrible sadness is still
    there. Others here, saw their spouses
    die suddenly. My wife, Linda, died
    suddenly in front of me from a pulmonary
    embolism. She was 68. We were married
    25 years, no children. That was 3 years
    ago. My grief counselor, at the time,
    suggested GIC, but I didn't join until
    July of this year. I'm so glad I did, bc I've
    made close friends with widows and
    widowers, from all over the country. I
    noticed in your info that you live in
    sunny, warm Arizona. 3 widows live in
    California, & 1 in Oregon. My brother
    widowers live in Indiana. Illinois, &
    Texas. I live on the northern coast of
    Massachusetts. The winter cold, dark
    days, & snow, have added to the isolation,
    loneliness, & mourning for our soulmates,
    & we reach out to comfort each other. Lou
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  4. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Hi Ann. I’m terribly sorry in hearing about you losing Ron. Thank you for making me a better person and pushing me into doing things I thought I could never do. That quote you made described what Cheryl did for me also. Cheryl is my girlfriend and she died suddenly from a cardiac arrest 9 1/2 months ago. Cheryl had no known health issues and there were no warning signs. We had supper the evening before and watched TV together. How little did I know I would become Cheryl‘s first responder the following morning. Shock confusion depression anger and numbness plagued me for 5 months. This is by far the worst thing you will ever experience. I hate to tell you this but you are going to suffer emotionally and physically for a long time. But you are not alone. Take care of yourself by eating sleeping and exercise. Take your medication. Be kind and gentle to yourself like someone you deeply cared about. I countered flashbacks of the event in losing Cheryl by making a collage of Cheryl on my phone of the best places and times we had. When a flashback came I would look at the collage and tell myself this was a short time period in our lives. I joined an in person grief support meeting in a larger community that has 2 meetings a month. I started therapy also. There was a huge time gap between talking with someone who understands grief. Luckily I found GIC 5 months ago. This site is better than any of my friends or family because we know what it is like to lose the most important person in our life. I hope you stay and meet some wonderful people who care about you and share their sufferings and hope with you. Gary
  5. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. Being here with people that understand what you are going through will help you get through. I no if feels like the end of the world right now. Reach out and lean on us. Your loss is very fresh so take deep breaths and get as much fresh air as possible. I pray for your strength today and each day to come.
  6. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Ann, I'm so very sorry for your loss, this is a very sad road to go, I really feel for you!, but I'm glad that you found GIC where you'll find very conforting people. For me, this site it's kepping me going and hope you will find the same, also get to know us the 'Griving Warriors', we all are here to listen and confort each other.
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  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Ann, my heart hurts reading your loss. I lost my husband 1 year ago to cancer. I was his caregiver for about 9 months before he died at home with hospice. I was not able to say goodbye. I was in the kitchen when he passed in the living room. I could kick myself for that, but we can't say, " I should of". We did our best.
    It was about a month after he passed I found this site and have been on it ever since. I truly think without this forum which has helped me not to feel so alone, reading about everyone's loss and knowing exactly how they feel has been my most blessing. Family and friends just don't get it, no one gets it unless they have lost a love one. If you can stay with us I think you will, eventually, find comfort and a little peace. My name is Karen, keep holding on.
  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, once again, I have nothing to add
    to your moving words. As I've said many
    times, you, ( formerly known as the
    woman with the broken arm) & Patti
    were the first GW to welcome me. You & I
    have come a long way since then. With
    help from GIC, my new musician friends
    at the Whale's Jaw Cafe ( which is better
    than the Shack, bc it has live music),and
    my friends on the Neck, I decided to
    thank my therapist,& say goodbye today.
    With spring coming, I will be able to walk
    more ( the long range forecast says that
    there should be no more snow). I'm also
    thankful to God that I recovered from
    COVID,& feel fine. Things are finally
    getting back to normal in Massachusetts.
    It's good to see smiling faces, without
    masks again. I feel bad for you in
    California, that you're not there yet. Lou
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  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Not sure what you meant, "not there yet". I take it as wearing masks. We up north do not have to wear masks. Or is it the percentage of Covid cases?
    Anyway, back to you. Yap, Patti and I were the first and I'm so glad we three stuck it out and stayed. I'm so happy for you finding another hang out at the Whale's Cafe, with music too. Most of all YOU'RE ON THE MEND, hooray! It's been a very long time since Christmas, but you beat it. Now let's see what the new year brings for you. Always, blessing Lou. Your old friend, Karen
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  10. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I HATE!!! every time I have to say this because words seem so shallow, especially at times like this, but I hope you know how very sorry I am..., that the one true love of your life, Ron, died so very recently. Like you, I knew for a long time my husband, Bob,'s days on earth were going to be cut short, but even knowing this, when he passed away, it seemed so surreal..., I was totally unprepared for his death. Bob suffered from many serious health issues, all treated as chronic medical conditions, controlled by medication. By the time he died, over 10 months ago, he had a specialist for just about every body part. I became his full time caregiver in the beginning of 2018, and remained his full time caregiver, up until the time the day he died, April 11, 2021, at 3:45 a.m. It doesn't matter whether our loved ones deaths' were expected, or sudden, the total heartbreak is the same for all of us. It SUCKS!!!

    Like you, Karen, and so many others, I didn't have the opportunity to say good bye to Bob. Rationally I know he knew how much I loved him, and I know how much he loved me, but and this is a really BIG BUT!!!, all those things I wanted to say..., I will NEVER be able to say to him. All those would have's, could have's, should have's, are so NOT!!! helpful!!! As Karen said to you, "We did our best," we need to forgive ourselves for not being with the one true love of our lives at the time of their deaths. We must forgive ourselves in order to heal.

    Ron helped make you the person who you are today... He will always hold the biggest place in your heart. I believe that although Ron can't be here with you physically, he is watching over you, just as I believe Bob is watching over me. Lou, one of my GIC friends recommended "Permission To Mourn: A New Way To Do Grief," by Tom Zuba. Tom Zuba believes if we're open to signs from our loved ones, they will let us know they are watching over us. I've had many signs from Bob. While it is comforting to know Bob is watching over me, it's also way beyond sad... so bittersweet..., as all of life will be from now on..., right up until the moment I'm reunited with Bob. Love is eternal. I know none of what I just said makes you feel any better, but I hope one day, after the shock, the newness, begins to wear off, you will get a little comfort too, knowing that even though Ron can't be here with you physically, he is always watching over you. Love is eternal.

    So much more I want to say to you, but my thoughts are all over the place because I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted, so stopping here (for now). I'm so glad you found us, but so sorry you had to. I have made many friends here, friends who "get" it, who are always ready to "listen," to share their feelings and experiences, offer advice, and give lots of virtual hugs. This is a judgement free place. You can take our advice or leave it. We will be here for you no matter what. I hope this will become your safe place, just as it's become mine. I hope you stick around and get to "know" us, and give us the opportunity to get to "know" you.

    The friends I've made here are priceless... I don't believe in coincidences. I believe all of us found each other, to help each other get through the very darkest, most painful days of our lives... I pray for strength for all of us daily.

    Sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, I meant that schoolchildren in your
    state STILL have to wear masks all day in
    school, even though they are the LEAST
    likely to have COVID. Even though Linda
    & I didn't have children, I'm outraged at
    the psychological harm & stunted
    learning of these children. As much as I
    miss ( & sometimes cry) over Linda's
    death, I'm glad she didn t have to live
    through COVID, & see the hypocrisy of
    so called adults. Case in point: At a
    recent SAG awards show in L.A, the
    actors didn't have to wear masks, but
    their help did. The fact that children
    are treated like criminals, makes me
    mad. But, as Deb would say, I'll get off
    my soapbox now! Thank you for your
    encouraging words, Karen. Lou
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  12. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Just today Newsom has released children in school from wearing masks. I don't know about other countries thou. Yes, I agree about children wearing masks.
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  13. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, call me cynical, but isn't it a bit
    strange that he waited until NOW! How
    convenient, now that parents are angry.
    I can't forget when he ate, maskless, in
    that expensive French Laundry
    restaurant!! Lou
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  14. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Yes, I agree, it's strange but politicians have their own agenda and they use it. Even though he was up for recall people still voted him in, it was a close race but it's the people who voted. Now, I hope they are eating their words. Enough of politics. That's not what we are here for and I apologize.
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  15. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, I agree with you that GIC should
    not turn political. My point is that Linda
    hated hypocrisy, with a passion, and was
    spared an even worse world now, than when
    she left it. Linda was also a compassionate
    protector of innocent children, like her
    younger brother, who died of a rare
    illness, at 10. She never got over it, bc she
    was only 12. Also, we had to take care of
    a mini poodle bc her parents didn't
    want her anymore. When we had to
    bring the dog to the kennel, for adoption,
    bc we were on the road,Linda was
    heartbroken & never forgave her parents.
    Well, I realize Linda had much more
    sadness than I did. Sorry to tell such
    a tale of woe. I'm ready for your laugh
    thread. Lou
  16. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    We all die with regrets. But, when we get to heaven nothing on earth or a human life matters anymore. So, Linda is in the best place no worries, no pain.
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  17. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Well, Lou I'm reading this again and started to laugh at the known, "Woman with the broken arm".
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  18. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    As a Californian, I believe that Newsom is a hypocrite, he actually ate maskless at that restaurant, when he, himself repeatedly stressed the importance of EVERYONE over 2 years old, or people exempt because of their medical condions....
    Van Gogh likes this.
  19. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

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  20. Debra M

    Debra M Well-Known Member

    Hi Ann, my name is Debra, and I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know first hand how you feel, the extremely painful grief amd emptiness is unbearable! And it truly is the worst thing ever to lose the love of our lives!! I lost my husband on Feb 11th, 2022, and I am having an extremely difficult time eating and sleeping, but at the sane time, I have two daughters that I need to take care of, and so I have to try every day to keep going, which has been VERY difficult for me... and I do feel like when my husband died, a HUGE part of me died with him!!
    And it is so good that you found this site, because there are very kind, and so very caring people here who are so supportive.
    And please feel free to reach our to me anytime...
    Take care always,
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