Its OK to not Be OK

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by eyepilot13, Mar 27, 2022.

  1. xell13

    xell13 Active Member

    Thank you Deb. David was my other half but yet my whole. I am trying so hard to move forward but you are right that in time I will rediscover myself and learn to be one. I cry every day and feel tremendous dispare but in a certain way it relieves some anxiety and stress. i am angry at times as I feel so shortchanged but like you have become much more religious. For me prayers and reaching out happened back in October of last year when my son started the Sheriff’s Academy. This time was so demanding and stressful that I reached out to God and found enlightenment. I give thanks every day that we made it this far. I have struggled in these past weeks because I feel cheated and angry and afraid. I have always been independent and able to take care of myself and don’t understand the person i am today. I don’t want to get up and do anything and want to go to sleep early avoiding the pain each day brings. I appreciate your words of encouragement and I also pray for all of us. God has a plan. yes.
    Hope you have a good day.
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  2. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Hi I love it!
    I am working on mine right now!
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  3. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    The picture is a bit blurry because my autoFocus doesn't SeKret Art.jpg work but here is...
  4. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Wednesday art. Here's a pastel I did just now
    Spring.jpg Spring.jpg Spring.jpg
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  5. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Your drawing is very detailed and flowing! It reminds me of a surreal peacock! Cool!
  6. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Hi George, I like both of your pieces!! Very nice that type of art is my cup of tea, I love it.
    Do you think we should continue for next Wednesday? personally I think is a good therapy, keeps my mind forgetting of the daily sadness...lots of love and peace. Helena
  7. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

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  8. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    WEdnesday art therapy! I think so. It gave me some direction today for sure. Love your art!~
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  9. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

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  10. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Helena, I’ve been thinking about your drawing of the dove. I see the dove in all it’s radiance standing near a portal to the afterlife. The radiance is symbolic to what the afterlife is like for our dearly beloved. My brother Mark and two of my very close friends Matt and Gary were in awe of that drawing. Your newest drawing looks like an asian carp in a spectacular environ. George I’ll take a guess that the figure on the left is a human heart with arms and legs. One of the arms is connected to a metering device. The metering device is premeasured for the exact year month day hour and second the heart person will live. I love the art. Gary
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  11. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Wow Gary I love your descriptions of our Wednesday Art! Take care Bro!
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  12. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Thanks Gary! These couple of days I stopped drawing, I am too emotional with so many memories that are so painful, I know apparently there are many stages of grieving but these for me are very intense. I'm glad you like the drawing of the dove. Yesterday I talked to my sister I mentioned that I'm again drawing, she was happy for me but she told me "put some color to your drawings"? Gary thanks again liking my art. Helena
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  13. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I "get" what you mean when you said David was "your other half but yet my whole." I feel this way about Bob too. I think Karen said once when "talking" ab0ut her husband, Jack, that she feels like a piece of her went with him when he died. I know a piece of me went with Bob. All of this SUCKS!!! But, I refuse to let Mr. Grief destroy today. As Bernadine said to me not long ago, I refuse to let today be a "sucky day." (??? Not sure if I got this right. I HATE!!! this foggy widow brain.

    I know our strong belief in God will get us through these over the top dark days... When I'm at my very saddest, when Mr. Grief feels like he's going to suffocate the life right out of me, I think about one of Bob's favorite expressions, "As long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Bob found something to be grateful for each and every day, no matter how much pain he was in, even though for many months he spent so much time in his recliner, too tired and weak to be able to do much of anything. The TV and his phone became his world. He watched travel shows all the time. He visited exotic places he wanted to take me, but I know he knew, even though he didn't admit it, that he wasn't going to be able to. He watched lots of travel shows and documentaries about Alaska, the place Bob and I had been looking forward to visiting after he retired. He would excitedly talk about our future, once in a lifetime, dream vacation... I need a tissue!!! Just had to kick Mr Grief (thanks, Lou!!!) super hard.

    Backing way up, what I was going to say before I began getting off track is that life is a gift. As sick as Bob was, he was so grateful to God for every second he was on this earth... More than anything else, just as Robin wants Ron to be proud of her, I want Bob to be proud of me. I feel guilty, although I know guilt is a totally useless emotion, every day I spend being over the top sad... I know grieving is necessary in order to heal, but, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!! I feel as though I need to enjoy life the very best I possibly can, for both Bob and myself. He worked so hard to be able to provide a good retirement for us... Then was forced to stop working, and didn't get to enjoy any of the so called "golden years." I need another tissue... Mr. Grief is relentless today, but he IS NOT!!! going to destroy today!!!

    Before getting out of bed every morning, I find something to be grateful for, I pray for strength for not just me, but for all of us, the strength to continue healing..., no matter what path God has in store for us. I do the very best I can to make each day, although filled with intermittent grief (thanks Lou!!!) a good one. This is by far one of the most challenging things I've had to do!!!, TUTTAM!!!

    However, having said all of this, something good has come out of all this total heartbreak. I know I'm repeating myself, but I truly am amazed at how strong a person I've become. Robin told me, has told all of TGW, that we are much stronger than we think we are. It took awhile for me to realize this. As sad as I am, it's a good feeling knowing I'm fully capable of navigating this world alone. I think I've become a much more caring person, a much better friend. I now appreciate all of the small things in life that I used to take for granted.... smiles..., laughs..., sunshine..., a cool ocean breeze..., dog kisses..., flowers..., etc., etc. etc... I will NEVER!!! take for granted any of life's simplest, but absolutely!!!, the very best!!!, pleasures again!!! (A little variety is always a good thing.)

    Backing up a bit, I seemed to get off track so very easily, lol..., what I want to say to you is that in the beginning of this miserable journey, and even many months into it (it varies for each one of us), it is "normal" to be very forgetful, aka "foggy widow/widower brain," and lose all confidence in ourselves, in our ability to take care of ourselves. We have just suffered the very worst kind of unimaginable pain, the total heartbreak of losing our "person...." As Robin would tell you, and I believe too, you are much stronger than you think you are!!!, TUTTAM!!!

    Please continue to be very gentle with yourself. It is not only okay, but necessary, to let yourself spend days in your pj's, the biggest accomplishment, just getting out of bed. As I think I already said to you, even on the very saddest of days, when Mr. Grief refuses to let go of his over the top tight grasp on you, you are healing. Tom Zuba says this in "Permission To Mourn," and I think he also said this in "Becoming Radiant." When I had days like this, I kept repeating over and over and over again, in my head, "I AM!!! healing, I AM healing...!!!," etc, etc, etc,..., attempting to put a positive spin on all this pain...

    To refer to Robin again, she says it's important to note that healing takes place so slowly, that it's hard to see at first. From personal experience, I found this to be true. After a little over a year, I have days where I actually experience pockets of happiness, although not to sugar coat anything, every day has many moments of sadness..., lots of tears... Life is over the top bittersweet, but beats being just over the top sad. In time, you will begin to slowly feel better too. To repeat, you ARE!!! doing all the hard work grieving forces you to do, you are a true GW!!!, TUTTAM!!!

    I believe Dave is watching over you, just as Bob is watching over me. I think Dave would already be so proud of you... YOU ARE HEALING!!!, TUTTAM!!! We'll be here to help you as you stumble and fall along this miserable path (for lack of a better word), the path that not one of us would have chosen to take. It SUCKS!!!

    Backing way up, congratulations on your son's over the top HUGE!!! accomplishment!!!, graduating from the Sheriff's Academy... especially during this most heartbreaking time in his life... Smiling big time for you..., for your son... I know your heart must be bursting with pride...

    As always, sending you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  14. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Helena and George,

    I'm so over the top happy!!! you're going to make Wednesday, art therapy days!!! I'm going to look forward to "visiting BIG!!! TIME!!! on Wednesdays. Thanks for sharing and for the smiles... Both of you are such talented artists!!!, TUTTAM!!! I love!!! having talented friends, especially because my artistic ability is limited to stick figures and Snoopy heads (from Peanuts), lol... Wait, I can draw daisies too (think... "Flower Power," from decades ago, lol...)

    Helena, you have contributed so much to our "family" in the short time we've known you. First you gave us daily quotes, now Art Wednesdays. George, you not only share your amazing artwork, but most recently, your "stories." Love!!! you!!! two!!!, TUTTAM!!! You make all of our lives brighter, just by being "you."

    Backing way up, because I have a bad habit of not reading things in the order they're posted, I haven't seen Helena's latest creations. Need to look for them, but need to take a walk first. Now I have something to look forward to later on... Always a good thing!!!, TUTTAM!!!

    As always, sending both of you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  15. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Alex, hope it brings some comfort to you
    that I felt just like you did when Linda
    died 3 & a half years ago, suddenly,
    without warning , right in front of me.
    As I've said to other GW, I had PTSD,
    bc Linda was my best ( & only friend)
    and family. It was a slow climb to
    sanity, with many tears,anger, and
    survivor's guilt
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  16. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Deb, I cried all the way through your
    "book" . You have a gift in expressing
    your emotions in your writing, just as
    Helena & George do in their artwork.
    My passion is writing. I'm not an actor,
    musician, or artist, but admire all 3, if
    they're good ones., I've cried at powerful
    scenes in movies. Linda used to tease me
    & say, "you hard hearted thing!" All TGW
    have unbelievable sorrow, and yet
    gratitude to God, and a will to live. As the
    leader of a widowed persons group once
    said, " I want my spirit to join my husband's, but I am not in a hurry!". She's
    over 80. We all laughed, nervously, in
    agreement. Linda & I became "armchair
    travelers" too, when Linda walked with
    great difficulty, She became sedentary
    & depressed, but had TV ( & me) to
    entertain her. Sadly, unlike Bob, she
    became bitter & not grateful to God.
    Right before Linda collapsed & later
    died at the rehab unit, the staff brought
    puppies to the unit. When Linda held a
    puppy in her hands, & the dog looked
    at her with unconditional love, Linda
    cried. We had taken care of a dog years
    before, but never owned one. I don't
    want Mr. Grief to sucker punch me,
    so I'll stop now. God Bless you, Deb,for
    comforting us. Lou
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  17. Dreary

    Dreary Well-Known Member

  18. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Been there, done that, Rita, but much,
    much more after Linda died. I wept
    uncontrollably, & cried for a year. Now,
    3& a half years later, my eyes fill up
    when ambushed by Mr. Grief, and I
    gasp, but I have to "keep on truckin'"
    as my brother, Gary, often says to our
    younger brother, George. Lou
  19. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

  20. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Here is my Wednesday art piece "Ying and Yang"

    Attached Files:

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