At present time I'm at my parents house cleaning it out after there passing suddenly. My mom in December 2022 my dad july 2023 and my son April 2021. And other close family members. It's been really hard going through my parents things. It's like reliving my entire life because they kept everything. And in turn reliving my son sudden passing with coming across his stages of life in pictures, cards and letters he wrote to his grandparents. Also having to support my daughter who witnessed her brother pass and was helpless to do anything even though she is a RN. So she blames herself for not being able to save him she says she should have known what was going on with him. and is now going through trama because of it. My son died of a enlarged heart which no one was aware of. I'm at a stage where I'm having trouble thinking clearly, doing anything really. I start things then get this overwhelming feeling and then my brain just shuts down and I'm done for the day. Daily living is an ordeal as well I can't make decisions on the smallest task. Everyone looks to me to be the rock when inside I'm just a nerve trying to look like I'm together so they don't freak out anymore then they already do. I don't know how much longer I can keep this face on. If I think about my son I just get totally freaked out because he is gone. I'll never see his smiling face or his famous words " did you know" which would lead to a lesson in facts about whatever he thought was interesting and there was alot. Man, I miss that so much.