It's been hard

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Troark, Feb 9, 2024.

  1. Troark

    Troark New Member

    At present time I'm at my parents house cleaning it out after there passing suddenly. My mom in December 2022 my dad july 2023 and my son April 2021. And other close family members. It's been really hard going through my parents things. It's like reliving my entire life because they kept everything. And in turn reliving my son sudden passing with coming across his stages of life in pictures, cards and letters he wrote to his grandparents. Also having to support my daughter who witnessed her brother pass and was helpless to do anything even though she is a RN. So she blames herself for not being able to save him she says she should have known what was going on with him. and is now going through trama because of it. My son died of a enlarged heart which no one was aware of. I'm at a stage where I'm having trouble thinking clearly, doing anything really. I start things then get this overwhelming feeling and then my brain just shuts down and I'm done for the day. Daily living is an ordeal as well I can't make decisions on the smallest task. Everyone looks to me to be the rock when inside I'm just a nerve trying to look like I'm together so they don't freak out anymore then they already do. I don't know how much longer I can keep this face on. If I think about my son I just get totally freaked out because he is gone. I'll never see his smiling face or his famous words " did you know" which would lead to a lesson in facts about whatever he thought was interesting and there was alot. Man, I miss that so much.
    Chris M 2000 and MICHAEL2023 like this.
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your multiple losses with, of course, your son being the hardest. i still can't look at pictures or items belonging to my son without a heavy heart so I try not to look at those things because I know it is going to upset me. I know what you mean about your brain shutting down. I had to think what was the first step in fixing a grilled cheese sandwich. Another day I found myself standing in the middle of my office just staring and thinking. I later wondered how that looked to people passing by, but it really doesn't matter because I know how it looked. I was completely lost and just kept waiting for God to 'find me and fix me' and He did-but it was a long slow process. Don't expect too much out of yourself because that is impossible. Just do the little things you can each day
    It is unnecessary for you to keep up a front for others. You are the one who is suffering so much and people around you should be trying to support you if they can. You can't carry the heavy burden of trying to look like you have it altogether, because you are already carrying the extremely heavy burden of grief. It is an overwhelming thing especially when the loss of a child is involved.We will never forget those so so special things about our child. They were a unique gift given to us by God, but the time had come for them to move on. You can see your son again if you have faith in what God tells us in the scriptures. Try reading your Bible because it is a source of comfort, especially the Psalms. Some of them really speak about us as if they were written for such a time as this.
    Hang onto hope with all of your might, because sometimes it is the only thing that keeps us going.
    I am glad for what you said about the difficulty making decisions. It made me realize that I am not the only one struggling with that.
    May God help you to get through all of this nightmare.
    We are here for you. We care and we understand how hard it is. We are not a mighty fortress on our own power-trust in Jesus and He will carry you through. He did that for me so I know He can be a source of strength for you also.