Its been a yr and a half... Walking alone

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by Lostrightnow, Oct 26, 2019.

  1. Lostrightnow

    Lostrightnow New Member

    I lost my wife May 1st 2018., I was 17 yrs her senior and ended up being her hospice nurse.. This wasn’t supposed to be... I had retired and was looking forward to spending our days together.. She was finishing her masters degree.. Now I’m lost on where to turn .
  2. Mermaid

    Mermaid New Member

    Hello, I lost my husband and best friend of thirty years 7 months ago from cancer. I was his caregiver for the 15 months he was ill. I'm experiencing loneliness for the first time in my life and it hurts. As middle child of nine and mother of two (now grown) this is first time I've lived alone. Thank god for my dog and my work- they get me up and out but I have trouble sleeping and am sick of talking to myself! John and i had so much fun together. He was hilarious! Silly and affectionate and showered me w attention. I miss him terribly. I'd like to meet someone but I'm not my best self right now...I'm depressed. How is this gonna change? I do not know. Maybe I should take a dance class? The only thing impossible is to love and to part. - from A Room w A View
  3. smith70590

    smith70590 New Member

    I lost my husband in April, we were married 50 years. He was 16 years older so i took care of him till he left. I am the same way if it wasn't for my work and my dogs i am sure i would become more of a recluse . It seems everything i look at, think about it all evolves him but he isn't here anymore. I am not sure if i know how to move forward without him, i married him when i was 16, i have never been alone until now.
  4. I lost my wife of 26 years October 3rd. I was her care giver during the summer. She had stage IV breast cancer. I'm 48 and she was 48, to turn 49 last month. I loved her dearly and we would do anything for each other. We met during college and we're inseparable after graduation. We were married and had 2 children. Now I am all alone for the first time in my life. I understand your feelings. It leaves me wondering what to do. Everything in our life was geared for both of us together. I'm really still just numb and lonely as I've never really been on my own. I cry all the time and I truly am tired of crying. It just seems to be how I feel anymore. Everything in our house reminds me of our time spent together. I've considered dating but this on line stuff just doesn't feel right. I can see this being a long haul to recovery.

    EAZYTZ New Member

    Very sad, yes, I get it! I was married to my first love for almost 30 years --- he was /is my best friend.... He passed in Feb. 2019 - feels like yesterday --- it was sudden - cancer stage 4 - we didn't have a clue - he had symptoms for a few months but we didn't think it was anything so serious ---- unbelievable - he lived only 6 weeks after being diagnosed! I will not ever have another relationship like ours. Im trying to develop a relationship with him in this new way- as the spirit I know he is and I know he is around me - but most of the time I feel empty
    this is so difficult - sometimes feels unbearable!
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry. For the loss of your husband, cancer is so unrelenting. Hard to watch the one you love go through the fight.
    The loss of my husband to a massive heart attack was 17 months ago. He was never sick, and we had no previous signs to alert us. It took him from my life in 2 hours. Turned my life upside down, I was in a state of shock. To this day when I think of how it happened I’m in disbelief. If I didn’t have people by my side, who knows where I’d be right now. Nothing in my life is the what it was then and I hate this new life. We ran a business together that I had to close. We were together 24/7. Together 44 years married 41 years. He was 63, lost his parents only 1 1/2 years before. One to can er and one to Alzheimer’s.
    I’m glad you’ve decided to come back to this site. I didn’t find it until 11 months after his passing, so wish I found it sooner. It’s very helpful, the people on here know and understand the pain. This social distancing because of the virus is making everything worse. This site has helped me emensely but I feel I’m struggling more now. We need contact and support.
    I use Ron as my inspiration, I would never want to let him down, I know he wouldn’t want me hurting the way I am. I do believe he’s watching over me and that he’s with me. So he is what makes me get out of bed every day and makes me keep pushing forward as best I can.
    I believe your husband is with you too and sees you’re struggling. Our husbands will always be with, not in the way we so mush wish for but they’re in our heart and we have wonderful memories.
    I try to keeep busy and try to make sure I get fresh air every day. Keep reading people’s stories and share your own, it helps so much. Most people who supported me are long gone and back to their lives. That’s why this site helps so much. If by some rare chance someone asks how I am, I’ve been saying I’m ok. Even though I’m not. People don’t want to hear it.
    There are better days ahead, just keep working towards them.
  7. Kathysgrief

    Kathysgrief New Member

    I lost my husband 1 year and 8 months ago he was a disabled veteran had a beautiful life together im trying to process the pain guilt and loss
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Kathy, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Losing our life partner is so hard. I lost my husband 18 months ago, to a sudden massive heart attack. He was never sick, we had no signs leading up to that horrible night. Taken from me in two hours I went into shock, my life turned upside down in the matter of two hours. Like you we had a wonderful life together, we did everything together including run our business. Married 41 years, together 44 years. He was my everything.
    Nothing prepares us for the pain that we feel when we lose such an important person in our life. It feels like you’ve been hit with a Mack truck. And we all seem to suffer with guilt, we shouldn’t but our mind tend to take us there. Could I have done more did I miss something, or guilt if we smile or laugh or do something our soul mate enjoyed. It seems to be part of the pain and loss. But we loved them so much, we would do anything for them, we did nothing wrong.
    I hope you have family and friends who offer support, even with this pandemic hopefully you have support through phone calls or through the internet. Try to stay in touch with people. Do things to keep busy, keep your mind busy get your blood flowing. Eventually all your the wonderful things you did together, the memories, will make you smile.
    Keep posting on this site and reading and sharing stories. It’s very helpful and everyone on here understands and knows the pain. You’re not alone.
    Sending hugs! Robin
    Kieron likes this.
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    How are you doing? I. So sorry for the loss of your husband. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 19. We were married 41 years when he was taken from me suddenly from a massive heart attack. Taken in two hours. I was in shock, and my life turned upside down in those couple hours. I had never been alone in my life either, it feels scary and all decisions are mine alone. No one to talk things through with. I understand how you feel and the pain. My husband was taken from me 18 months ago. Things do get better with time, sure I still cry and miss everything about him and all the things we did together but memories start to make you smile eventually. It all takes time. I think it’s been about a year since you lost your husband, I hope you’re doing some better.
    Take care, Robin
  10. withoutmysoulmate

    withoutmysoulmate New Member

    I am brand new to this site....still trying to learn how to navigate it........
    But, I lost my boyfriend who I lived with 9 months ago to a tragic motorcycle accident. We were together a little over 4 years........I am very lonely and miss him all the time/ everyday......but I have joined a few dating websites.......
    It feels weird when people ask me when my last relationship was and why it ended. It wasn’t my choice or his choice to end it.....it just ended when he died.
  11. StevensLisa67

    StevensLisa67 New Member

  12. StevensLisa67

    StevensLisa67 New Member

    You are probably tired of hearing "I'm sorry for your loss" I think it helps to connect with people who understand that its just plain hard to have a new beginning. I have so much respect for you that you took care of her to the end. My situation is different. I was deeply in love with my husband. I thought we had a great marriage, but he came home one day and said he was leaving. I fell apart and I'm still hurting. Thankfully I have my children and grandkids to keep me holding on.