Is Health Care Broken?

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by paul tinker, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Janine, you are not babbling. We lost so much. At forty years with Kay were so many foundational parts that make life so satisfying. Number one is trust and companionship. The joy of being together and jointly building a life. They were our partners and brought their skill sets to complement our abilities. But the biggest lass is in the void and loneliness. So you are not babbling just being overwhelmed about all that our relationship was. Your loss is recent and rightfully felt very deeply. So much adjustment but missing them is everything!! Back to medical. I had one doctor mention that you're not just hiring me but all the people I know. That being the specialists. No one doctor can be expert in all areas it's to complex. When sick we are not in a good position to go doc shopping. So our primary doctor is vital and that relationship has to feel solid. But as you say the medical is also a business. Therefore it tends to run efficiently and that personal accountability gets lost, sorry to say. I tend to want all of my relationships to be like the TV show Cheers where everyone knows your name. Same restaurants, same accountant, same mechanic, same dentists. I live in a large city but want that small own feel and be with caring people I both likee and trust. I am the one now babbling but relationships matter. The autopilot is very understandable so many parts are missing and speaking for myself very fragmented. What was normal, comforting, reliable, is now void. Whatever life desition we did with our partner and about everything was shared. Slowly new people will enter our lives. They will be wonderful to know but not a core relationship. What was in one relationship becomes many with limits. They may have us over for Thanksgiving but we eventually go home to an empty house. My friend of many years puts on an orphan Thanksgiving. He and his wife will cook up to four turkeys and bake 15 pies. They invite all those that are missing a traditional family. They are of course very advanced human beings with big hearts.

    Total empathy for what you are experiencing. The shock does last and it should. The infilling is slow and unpredictable. Write as often as you like. I like to think we are here for each other. I love the word commiserate.

    Best to you.

    Paul M.
  2. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Janine as a PS. I spent Christmas with my sister and a very enjoyable five days, We are close and talk at least once a week for up to ten hours. My wife and I could go on like that. What my sister and I can do is take about caretaking that we both did. She was role model good in what she had to do with the very long and debilitating decline the is ALS. Because we both knew our respective partners we can talk about them at length. I will just say I am fortunate to have a great sister. We both share so much in common and our relationship is just building. She invited some friends of hers for Eve dinner. I loved meeting new people and it was a great evening. I think what I am saying is I am very open to relationships on whatever level that is mutual and be grateful for being with good people as an opportunity presents.
  3. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Janine, You may be on auto pilot for a while, but it will become intermittent. My love has been gone 3 plus years and I am still in shock some of the time. The rest of the time I go through the motions of living but every once in a while, Find myself smiling at something one of my students said or at a real breakthrough when a student finally gets 'it." Try and be hopeful that you will able to navigate the future. You look young so you can't deny that you have future. I am 75 and I know I will live to be 100. My Mom lived to be 99.6 I tell all of my docs that they have to do well for at last another 25 years!! Actually, I know it is what I do and how I act that will determine my future As far as who will advocate for you...you need to ask a close friend or family member if they are willing to be your go-to person in case you get ill. You can legally appoint someone as well. Think positively, take care of yourself and be part of your medical care, not a victim,