The irony is that the only one who could make me feel better under such horrific circumstances is my husband and he is gone. So, there is no comfort anywhere in this cold world.
I know Daisy, I sometimes feel that I may have been too emotionally dependent on my C, otherwise why would I be feeling so helpless, defenceless, as if I've suddenly been left exposed to all the negativeness that surrounds us, all bad difficult situations, and I have no moral support, nothing? I should now be my kids' moral support, but how can I do this if I'm a nervous wreck myself? I've lost my protective coating! You are right, our lives have changed, we cannot have our old life anymore and neither can we have the one we had when we were "young, free and single",in our 20s. much more immature then. I can't help but repeat what almost everyone on this site agrees with, that breathing in fresh air in nature helps us clear our thoughts, it's both soothing and emotionally healing. Noticing the first Spring bulbs opening up, trees flowering, birds singing, the green grass flourishing, blue skies appearing now and then, that's why I keep playing L. Armstrong's "What a wonderful world" on the piano at least once a day, just to remind me that we must be grateful to be here and it's never too late to start appreciating the miracle of life,a little at a time, in honour of our lost soulmates. Rose.
Hi Daisy. I'm sorry you're hurting, it's the nature of this terrible thing we call grief. Like you, my wife Carla is the one person who would understand without any effort on my part. She "got" me, based on years of knowing each other. It's an ease that only two tightly bonded people can share. But, respectfully, there IS comfort. It's just hard work to get there. Not everyone understands what it's like to lose a spouse. They stumble over words, say nothing at times, or say entirely the wrong thing. You have to meet them in the middle. Maybe it's a friend who knew you and your husband as a couple. Clergy? Counselor? A child, a neighbor, a co-worker...anyone who can listen with an open mind and heart. I wish you nothing but peace.
