I lost my wife on July 14 after 28 years of marriage and 30 years together. I am completely crushed and feel numb. I have so many thoughts and feelings going on I'm at a loss for words. How do I move on? Where do I start?
So sorry for the loss of your wife. Don’t push yourself too hard. Make a list of things to do so you can keep your mind clear. Talk about your wife on here and with family and friends. Sharing stories and reading others is very helpful. One day one hour or one moment at a time. Don’t hold in your feelings, it’s very cathartic , accept any help offered. Nothing prepares us for this nightmare. The pain, and loneliness is overwhelming., you’re not alone. Everyone on this site understands and help each other. Remember to take care of you. Your wife would want that.
Thank you RLC. I'm trying hard to take it minute by minute right now. Tomorrow is her service and I don't know how I'm gonna make it through that. It's really kind of strange to me that having so many friends and family members who have shown me overwhelming love and support, and the new friends I am making here that it is still possible for me to feel completely alone.
I know what you’re feeling. Alone in a room full of people. How is it possible. The service will be hard. I don’t even remember who went to Rons. It’s like I was there but not there. It’s all a fog. Lean on your family and friends to help you through. Your wife is in your heart to stay.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Take your time, and take care of yourself. Let people help and support you. Peace Mary
I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my wife after a 30 year relationship. It was two months ago yesterday my wife passed away. Move at your own pace. If you want to share, that's okay. If you don't, that's okay also. I, like others, pray for peace for you.
Thank you oneman. I am sorry for your loss as well and my prayers go out for you. Right now I have not felt like sharing or talking about it very much. It hurts more every day. There are many days I don't even get out of bed except to use the restroom or occasionally to eat, although I really don't have much of an appetite. My adult son lives with me but he is going through his own grief pretty hard so I try not to add my burden to his. I do believe things will eventually get better but neither they nor I will ever be the same.
It's okay if you don't feel like sharing. When you think you are ready. The pain of a loss after so many years run deep. I've had mornings when I wanted to not do anything. I had to force myself to get up and get started. It is hard. Some days are harder than others. I am sorry that your son is struggling. Maybe just being there for each other might help? Just a little encouragement- the fact that you responded and wrote what you did is a start. It may not seem like much right now. It probably feels like a mountain size step. It's okay. You say what you are okay with sharing. One's life is not the same after a loss. You are not alone in what you feel. There are a lot of people in this and other forums who have losses. Hang in there.
You are so right when you wrote, “one’s life is not the same after loss”. There is a shift in the way we think and do things. A void in our lives that can’t be filled. It takes time and a lot of patience with ourselves. I feel the grief of losing someone that we have spent the majority of our life with doesn’t go away, I feel that it doesn’t get smaller. I feel grief becomes familiar. We learn to live with it, grow around it. Peace Mary
I've only lost my wife two months ago. It feels like a lifetime already. I know it isn't. It just feels that way. And yes, each of our lives will not be the same. The adjustment is different. I like your words about patience with ourselves. This is something I need to learn. Just letting things flow, so to speak. If I have a day that seems like an uphill climb that looks impossible, I need to accept it as is. If I have a day where the grief is manageable I need to accept it as it is. The grief, the missing of a loved one, the not seeing her across the table will always be there. It is, as you said, how we learn to live with it. Thank you.
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I have a similar story. I lost my wfe of 33 years 5 months ago to T-cell Lymphoma. It spread rapidly (3 weeks) to her brain and she died at home after 1 day of Hospice care. Now I am alone and 86 years old. I feel my life is over. The smallest task is hard for me to do because of my age. Every night I pray with my wife for her safety, comfort and happiness, and end with asking God to take me in my sleep and never wake up, I have considered suicide but If I do that, my religion says I will not go to heaven and I'm sure that's where my wife is. It's my honest wish to die suddenly. I have made all of my funeral arrangements so my family has my trust and directions for when that happens. I wish you the best in your struggle and I know exactly how you feel. It's a big lonely house now, but I see her everywhere in it. Sleep s very difficult to acccomplish.
