I'd Like to Introduce Myself and Thank You For This Forum

Hi everyone,
My name is John. I'm from South Carolina. I lost my wife, Charlene one month ago. May 6, 2026 to be exact.

Charley was 81, as am I. As you can well imagine, she was very special to me. We met late in life. We were both 39 when we married. Charley had suffered greatly as a young adult. She found herself in an abusive marriage and was deeply scarred by the time she was able to escape. It took me several years to convince her to allow me to show her that all men are not equal, especially in that regard. Over time, we became not only lovers but also best friends, fellow warriors each fighting and defending the other and, at times, I served double duty as not only her husband but also her 'father' from whom she sought and received that advice that has always been so valuable to young ladies as they have those 'soulful' conversations with their Dads early in their lives, opportunities that my sweet Charley, because of circumstances beyond her control, never had.

You might think that Charley, given the trauma she suffered early in her life, might be somewhat 'beaten down' and submissive. Not so. She was opinionated, passionate, fiercely independent and assertive. She hid her feelings well behind a mask of stoicism. She was remarkably strong and resilient, having endured a quadruple bypass, double mastectomy, and breast D.I.E.P. recconstruction, all in the span of eight months when she was 44.

This last trauma was different. She was diagnosed with a malignant neoplasm of the rectum. The tumor was beyond successful treatment. She died almost exactly 3 months after receiving her diagnosis. Worse, she was able to hide her affliction from me until the moment she told me we had to go to the hospital. I had asked her numerous times to see her doctor because she was obviously in some minor distress. She demurred, claiming she had hemorrhoids and was treating them herself. She went about living and doing her best to maintain our lifestyle, our home, our happiness together. We have no children and each of our families are quite a distance from us so it was really Charley and me by ourselves. By the time she made herself available to the doctors, it was too late. I brought her home with me and I cared for her during her final days. I watched, helpless as she withered away, taking our marriage and my life with her. I became scarred, emotionally and quite literally bruised, physically, working to clean her wounds and keep her as comfortable as possible. After Charley's death, as I fumbled about, trying to clean the house, I discovered several pillows on our sofa that had been stained with Charley's discharge and that she had turned over in order to hide them.

In short, my sweet Charley had chosen to shield me, to protect me as long as she could. She had made the decision to continue our lifestyle for as long as possible before she had to acknowledge and accept reality.

Now? I am well and truly lost, rudderless and drifting. I am in the winter of my life and so I sincerely and reverently hope I will not have many more years before she is in my arms, once again. Until then, I must make at least some effort to live life. Charley would be terribly disappointed in me if I did otherwise. I will choose to honor her and show the world what a good job she did with me. Forty-one years ago, my sweet Charley chose a very mediocre man who was afflicted with many flaws and imperfections. Over the next 41 years, by loving example, persistence and patience, she taught that man to be a better human being.

I am grateful for having had her to share my life with. I am a better person because of her. I now must try to learn to be a single person once again and to find happiness as I await Charley's return to me. What a wonderful day that will be!

Thank you all for allowing me to post this and for your patience in working your way through all this verbage. Bless you all!

 

I am sorry for your devastating loss. It is a great loss because you two meant so much to each other. I am glad that you remember her with such fond memories. Hold onto the memories to sustain you and look to God to help you through this struggle. You have much to adjust to and only God can truly help you do that. I learned that from my own experience when we lost our son. Jesus kept me when I didn't think I could go on even one day. He knows our pain and cares about us.
We care about you also. Please stay in touch and continue to share your feelings as you feel led. Talking out the details of our experience helps our mind to try to make some sense of what has happened.
Christine