I miss her so much

George, I'm trying to shake it up. When
to breakfast place that I hadn't been to
since the outside tables in the summer.
Glad I did, bc I met a kind couple from
out of town, and we had a long talk. Lou

 

Her name is Sheila. I can't listen to music right now. The quote from the Orbison song was from memory, but I thought it made sense right now. Thats why I look forward to sharing on this site. I know everyone gets it and I don't feel like I have to pretend here. Thank you for your reply, someday when I'm off the sleeping pills, I may dream again too.

 

I like the wise part better, Ha! no offense.

 

Everyone says it will take time, time, time. I hope it gets a little easier. I'm so blessed to have had Sheila for so long. But it is so unbelievably hard. I prayed every night that I would take care of her, every time I brought her home from the hospital I was so thankful. I'm lucky I have no guilt, I took very good care of her and was her Hospice I guess. I miss her so much, someone wrote, Mr. Grief shows up again & again. He does. Wishing you well, taking it like you day-by-day, minute-by-minute, second-by second.

 

Thank you Gary, I am pretty new but I do feel welcomed. Thank you for your words, your posts, it means a lot.

 

Karen, woke up from dream ( a nice one)
at midnight, my time, and chuckled to see
another Karen one liner. You should get a
GIC prize for the briefest replies. George is
a runner up. Lou

 

I too was blessed to have had Valerie as my Best Friend since I was 21. A year ago she started the final dying. I knew it but didn't. I remember those bleak cold nights emptying the barf buckets and rubbing her back. 10 months later I still hurt but the hurt has scabbed over. It is still there buried under layers of throbbing scar tissue that sometimes get ripped open. I try to live in the present. It is not easy. I mostly feel blank inside and not interested in anything like I used to be. Music helps because she wasn't into it. she liked the teeVee. I can't watch teeVee at all anymore. I like almost nothing. We can show Mr. Grief we will not give up. Her last wish was for her Georges to be happy. (my son and me) He is all I care about anymore. WE did our best taking care of our "besties". Hard to believe but true. Take care. I feel for you from a position of understanding. I lived it too.

 

Yay! (for me!)

Cool Lou! Glad you didn't have to deal with loud clucking ...
Did some serious/grownUp financial planner stuff yesterday then totally lost it. Sat in my room listening to radio and did intense journaling. Then had dreams combining my two big losses my wife and teaching career. Where I went from "golden boy" to pariah due mainly to kidney disease. I am so nothing feeling. So blank and lifeless but I don't want to be. Just not into anything. drained, depleted, depressed, empty... Now today more endless dialysis.
I hope you get out and connect again with someone! Take care big bro!

 

Been on that site but cannot figure out how to get the quotation is there a link? All I can find are ways to purchase the books...

 

George, you & I are so much alike, that it's
uncanny. I never bothered to hook up
my cable TV. That was for Linda, especially
when she became ill, first with diabetes. I
tried to get her to eat healthier, with
fruits & veggies, like I did, but she would
ask me to buy her cake & ice cream instead, for the sugar high, which of course
came with a down and more carbs. I told
her once that I wished she never had a
sweet tooth. She laughed when we found
an old black & white photo of her, as a
toddler, pointing to a cake. Linda had an
unhappy childhood, and I think sweets
fulfilled a need. When we met in our 40s,
we liked to "party" with alcohol, like you
& Valerie.When you talked about dumping
Valerie's barf bags, and rubbing her back,
that showed your unconditional love for
her. When I tried to trim Linda's toenails
& put on her special socks at bedtime, I
loved her. The tears flow down my
cheeks as I write this. When I feel really
down, or think I wasn't affectionate enough, our widow friends, like Deb,
Robin, and Karen , always remind me that
Linda knew I loved her. It's raining this am, so I'm having breakfast at home, but
hope to go out to lunch. As my first grief
counselor said, I've become a "people
person". The couple I met yesterday, were
kind toward each other, and to me. When
they asked how I came to this scenic town,
I decided to tell them some of my story
about Linda. At the end, I told them I
hoped I'd see them again. As they were
leaving, the woman said yes, smiled. & put
her hand on my shoulder. Lou

 

I just lost my lengthy reply to you! I hate computers!

 

I click on something weird and loose everything!

 

So sorry, George. That's happened to me
on my Android Smart Phone, when I
got distracted & forgot to tap "post". Back
on Halloween, when I was thrown off
GIC, bc of the reboot, I was bullshit, bc I
wrote long, heartfelt replies which
disappeared. Maybe you can recall a
couple of your thoughts. Perhaps you
could look at my last post to jog your
memory. Lou

 

I can’t figure out how to get the daily quote from centerforloss.com either George. I’ve tried multiple times to get the quote and all I get is the option to buy the book “grief one day at a time”. George I just had a vision. when you are down Ampelopie gently puts her hoof on your shoulder rubbing it encouraging you saying you can do it George. The gray matter kicked in and with the mass power outages and 50 mile an hour gusts I needed to scrub the trip to Michigan today. Rick its great to see your posts. I was on 5 different sleep meds over 18 months and nothing worked constantly. I had a sleep study and my oxygen level was too low and that was why I kept waking up. Now I have a oral appliance that is helping me. Plus I read the book “insomnia solved” by Brandon Peters which has helped. The sad thing about this is I was encouraging Cheryl to do the same thing. I believe Cheryl had the cardiac arrest because of obstructive sleep apnea. Like everyone here missing their beloved I miss Cheryl dearly. but there are signs of Cheryl’s presence sometimes strong and sometimes faint. Another dull dark December day. Oh goodie. Our facilitator reminds me this is not a sprint to the finish. Carrying Mr Grief around is a grueling test of endurance. But this is also a relay race. We pass the baton to another Grief Warrior and feel their love compassion and resolve. Then we patiently wait for our turn to take the baton back. We are TGW! We understand one another’s pain. Gary

 

I will try to. When I can.

 

The wind is insane! I keep thinking I don't have a house for more siding to blow off of. sorry about your trip. I love what you said about the hoof! That is such a great image. Another day. I get up to do it again! Take care Bro!

 

The crux of what I said is we did the best we could in a horrible situation. we were there for Linda and Valerie when they most needed us. there was no guidebook for dealing with chronic dying illness. We were super human!

 

Gary, although you're disappointed that
your trip had to be cancelled, due to
weather, you had no control over that. I'll
try not to have a " furrowed brow" AGAIN,
Gary, that you didn't join George & me, in
our moving discussion about caring for
our wives. You have called me The
Godfather of our group. I looked up the
opening scene, when Brando says to an
undertaker, who begs him to help him.
Brando, as Don Corleone, says, "What
have I ever done to make you treat me
so disrespectfully?". Just want to give you
a LMSO for your day. Lou

 

George, those are beautiful words. The
first 6 months after Linda's death, I was
in agony of guilt, that I didn't do enough,
or quick enough, to save her. When I have
dreams that I'm hugging Linda, I blame
myself for not hugging her enough in the
end.But, the fact is that neither one of us,
or her favorite nurse KNEW that it was the
end. I have to remember the loving things
I did for Linda, and try to enjoy the
present ( as she wanted me to, just like
Valerie wished that for you). Lou