I miss her so much

Robin, when you told your son not to "go
there", that could apply to me today. I had
been taking 2 or 3 steps forward , but the
dream about Linda, knocked me down,
with unnecessary guilt, and a wish for a
"do over". The fact is that it was Linda's
time to go "home", as Tom Zuba so
movingly put it. I think the fact that
Christmas is such a family holiday, reminds
me that I will be alone that day. But, I know
I survived last year by taking walks ( if
the weather was good) and having food
in the fridge, bc everything is closed. Lou

 

That is priceless Gary.

 

Lou, please don’t put yourself through that. You know that you shouldn’t feel any guilt. But you’re doing it anyway. Linda loved you for who you are. All of it. None of us are perfect. How awful our world be if we were all perfect. It’s what makes the world go round. Be kind to yourself. You were/are a good husband. Linda loved/loves you for who you are. I believe she payed you a visit to let you know she’s with you. Robin

 

Thank you, Robin. I needed to " get it
out of my system" and vent to TGW.First.
I heard from George who had similar
feelings, now you, several times today.
I took a nap this afternoon and value my
alone time at home this evening. Lou

 

Of coarse. We’re here for each other. No one is alone. Have a good evening. Robin

 

Robin, our "talks"today meant a lot to me.
It's almost as if we talked on the phone.
I know that whenever I'm feeling down, I
can reach out to GIC, and someone will
eventually answer me. Lou

 

I think the negative energy of the universe (the dark side) works on us when we are down. I think guilt is the dark side’s way of using Spiritual warfare against us. I had a friend who was a priest who wore a T-shirt that said screw guilt. Sunday night when George was having a hard time I called out to Cheryl’s spirit and asked her to find Valerie and ask Valerie to send positive vibrations to George. I believe our spouses know each other in the afterlife. I believe they are networking among themselves trying to help us realize they are ok. Zuba writes there are people on one side of the river where there is no doubt in communicating with there beloved. And there are others on the other side that are saying could it be? and then the others don’t even know messages are being sent. I’m like the cowardly lion in the wizard and Oz, I believe in ghosts! I do believe! I believe in ghosts! I don’t believe out of fear though. I believe out of love. Sleep tight TGW. Gary

 

Happy to be here chatting today. I haven’t been on here that much in recent days. Been pretty busy something told me I needed to check in today. I’m guessing to help you through this difficult time today. And that’s what’s awesome about GIC. There’s always someone available to offer support. Robin

 

Yes it is devastating. I know my loss is new, don't know how I can make it going forward. It is so hard coming home to silence. The old Roy Orbison song "Only the lonely" know the way I feel tonight. We have a daughter and I try for her sake. Looking at joining a grief support group sooner than I thought. Thank you Karen for your thoughtful words. Lord knows I need them.

 

I feel so sorry for those who don’t believe. The ones not open to it, are missing so much. That makes me sad. I was thinking like you that our spouses found each other. Robin

 

Rick, woke up in middle of night, and saw
you talking with my friend, Karen (cjpines). Welcome to Grief in Common.
My name is Lou. I'm the same age as you,
My wife, of 25 years,was Linda. May I ask
your wife's name? Your choice of Roy
Orbison was a good one. At first, I couldn't
listen to ANY music after Linda died
suddenly 3 years ago. Lou

 

Bernadine, woke up at 3:30am on Wed, &
just read your sad, very short post. Had a
sad dream about Linda yesterday morning
and reached out to younger brother,
George. He helped me, and then, Robin
checked in with me all day. My other
brother, Gary, and I missed you, and I'm
glad you joined us again. Lou

 

Chad, just found you talking with my
friends, Deb, Gary, Karen, and others. I
hope you stay with us. I noticed that you
& Liz lived in Texas, along with Rick, to
whom I just replied. I'm Lou, 72, from
the northern coast of Massachusetts. My
wife of 25 years was Linda. She died 3
years ago. I recommended the 2 books
to Grief in Common ( GIC).
Lou

 

That is so cool the image of our spouses in the Aethre communicating! Busy day yesterday with my last Grief Group and then Dialysis. A lot of positive things did happen yesterday. It is important to focus on the good! Like reading all the messages on here. It is exciting to see so many. Gets me going in the morning. We cannot understand all the aspects of spirituality (I don't think we even should!) but it is important to stay open to them! Awesome what you said about ghosts!

 

Thanks so much Robin! Night after Dialysis is the hardest time. I had my last Grief Group yesterday. It was great being around positive and caring people. Since I've moved I've been way more consistent with walking and I totally agree with you about getting moving in the fresh air. Doing stuff is so important! I remember how I used to always go to the PO for Valerie. She had a cane too and I am impressed how you were able to do that on your own. That is big, and powerful to be able to do! Way cool! It is so important I realized to do stuff! Even if it is hard. I get the most depressed when I'm not doing anything but sometimes one is just too tired to do stuff. Then it's great to get sleep if you can. Dialysis is so hard because you have to be still and doing nothing for 4 hours. I look at it as my job right now. Take care and much LOVE Love Love!

 

The guilt is inevitable during this journey. Just accept it and move on! I know that sounds easier said than done but I try to remember it because in my own head I have much to feel guilty about. Rationally and irrationally. Real and brain phantoms. They will be there. At least I have TB and his GF around. Christmas will be hard but we are TGWs so we can get through it. We have to. It might not be fun or easy but we will. I can't stress the importance of doing stuff. It is the best help for grief I think. That anmd talking with my friends on GIC! Take care my Brother!

 

It is so hard to move forward for many reasons! Valerie was my best friend for 34 years. I still can't believe she is gone. I need to be strong for my son, just like you for your daughter. We can do it even though it seems impossible. I know. I send you lots of positive vibes and thoughts. I can't believe I've been doing this for 10 months now. Last year around this time was when I knew in my heart (not my head) that Valerie was really going to die. It is way heavy, but there is nothing we can do but take it day-by-day, minute-by-minute, second-by-second...

 

George, it is so good to see you on GIC,
when I wake up in the am, although I
feel bad that you woke up so early! I woke
up in middle of night after a dream ( not as
sad as the recent one of hugging Linda &
then realizing she wasn't with me-----
physically). In this one, I was sitting at a table by myself. I walked over to a woman,
about 40, her young son next to her, and a
female friend across from them. I asked the mother if she wouldn't mind if I
sat at the other end of their long table, with
the sunlight coming through the window.
She looked at me, puzzled, & somewhat
worried. I assured her that I wouldn't
talk or listen to their conversation, and would
look at my smart phone ( possibly GIC). A
similar thinghappened, in real time, on
Sunday when I joined a table of strangers,
to see an Irish session live music. I told
this woman in the dream that my wife died 3 years ago, and I didn't want to be alone.
Her face softened, and I think she was
about to invite me to their table. I woke up
with a peaceful, hopeful belief in people. L

 

Yesterday was a blur going on a walk with John and Kim my volunteer friends and then attending my in person grief meeting. today will be a blur getting ready to go to Michigan. tomorrow will be another blur making the trip and unpacking. Occasionally blurs are nice be I get a chance to get out of my head. Lou I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you directly. My dreams are so bland and meaningless I rarely remember them. I’m glad Robin and our younger brother George were there for you. George glad to hear you made a rapid comeback yesterday from the D. Now we have the potential of gaining two additional brothers with Rick and Chad. I hope our new friends get the feeling of belonging to our brother and sisterhood of sufferings. Like Patti reminds us no one should ever grieve alone. We had 4 new members at our in person grief meeting yesterday suffering from recent loses. The narrative was how are we going to handle the holidays this season? A man said when he listened to the song Angel by Aerosmith it reminded him of his wife. Then he went into detail describing his love for her. it was so beautiful. It reminded me of my love for Cheryl. Seize the day TGW. Gary

 

Very cool and positive message! I wake up early usually it is my best time. Drove TB's GF to work and go on GIC. At least my vivid bad dreams seem to have stopped. After 3pm I feel pretty useless. I guess I'm a morning person.