I miss her so much

There is like nothing I look forward to except sleeping cuz then I might dream about Valerie and normal life whatever that is.

 

Good morning, George
How were your dreams?
I’m hoping you have a tolerable day, with maybe one percent more hope than yesterday.
~B

 

Hey! No dreams, I guess that's good. I'm ok enough at the moment but it's always so precarious. Hope you are well! Or as well as can be expected!

 

Lou, thanks for Wichita Lineman… it’s what I immediately thought of too.
When I was a kid we lived in Brazil and most of the english language music I was exposed to was albums from the Ray Coniff Singers that my parents had brought with us. Back in the states there was the Lawrence Welk Show. Through those I was exposed to a variety of eras and genres. (I was in high school before I put it together that those were all cover tunes and went looking for the original artists.) And then church hymns where I learned 4 part harmonies. With my grandmother I learned show tunes.
My former husband was a drummer so much of the early 90’s was hole in the wall venues with grunge rock and alternative music.
Then Kenn, who was a bit older, and I began haunting jazz and blues clubs (oh, that made me misty) Anyway, Kenn always laughed at the fact that I could recall and sing a song to almost any word that came up. Like we just did with Lineman, that was what first popped up for me from the ‘soundtrack’ I always have running in my head.
Music is powerful. The hours listening to a song I came across that spoke to me, playing it on repeat until it got into my bones, the lyrics and melodies and harmonies…..
Maybe music will return to a place of prominence for me, christmas music held me for a couple of days and I’ve hunted down a song or two on Spotify but they all feel either sad or just disconnected some how. Waiting for music……
~B
(sorry, this got long)

 

Loved your reply, about music, to me,
Bernadine. I found Welk's show to be
too old & corny for me. but I watched new
music stars on The Ed Sullivan Show, on
Sun nights: The Beatles, Rolling Stones,
Elvis, Motown singers. etc. Linda was like
you, in her uncanny ability to know all
the lyrics of women's songs of the 1950s,
long before we met, in the mid 1990s. Lou

 

Patti,

I've been thinking about you... When is your surgery? I'm so sorry you have to go through another surgery... I hope this is the very last one you're going to need!!! Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers... Praying 2022 will be a much better year for you, for all TGW...

As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

My lineman days were a few years ago, went into engineering later until I retired in 2019. I went for my 2nd visit with psychologist this week. She said I give you a year to live. She said get a pet, part time job. Also that it takes 3 years to grieve. Believe me I am looking for something to sustain me. There are so many people sick that there isn't any grief classes yet, but I got an e-mail saying hang on it's coming. Cold in Texas today, I don't like cold any more. Used to climb poles with ice, my gaffs would bust the ice off as I climbed. I pray a lot and it helps, but I just miss her so bad, Doc. said it's much too early to not grieve. Need to talk with Patti, get her to pray for me. I'm not real good on chats, don't get online everyday, but I will try to stay in touch with everyone more. Rick

 

Ambien helps me go to sleep at night. But then I don't want to get up in the morning. Everything has changed so much. Rick

 

Deb, I get it too. It wasn't supposed to end the way it did, ICU. Sheila worked in the operating room years ago. I hate that she didn't come home with me. What a living nightmare life has become. I just want to talk to her again, this life is not working. Hope your's works out someday, Peace to us all. Rick

 

Rick, we all are praying for you, this is what this group is about. Support. Bless you, Karen

 

I used to do ambien! But then I'd take too many to get a buzz. Now my go to is a bit of prescribed "Clonnies". A year ago Valerie was dying and I was freaking. Everything still sucks a lot. I kinda hate almost everything except sleep . Winter is brutal in Chicago now. It's 6 degrees! I used to get into stuff, now I struggle to do anything. Have trouble even going on GIC.
I hear you Rick.

 

Hello Rick. I’m glad to see your posts. I wouldn’t say I’m on a winning streak either. I had a mini meltdown on a zoom aa meeting last night but received help. I decided it’s time for me to get back into therapy. I’m fortunate to have found Visiting Nurses locally. That’s where my grief support meetings are. They offer free therapy and I will do it online. I need more direction and education about grief recovery. The fellowship is great at GIC but I need more. I can’t afford to be behind the eight ball any longer. The cold weather has affected my mood too. I’m not going to worry about the heat bills and keep the house comfortable. The covid is terrible here too. I’m going to take a break from the in person grief meetings because of covid. Rick have you lost your will to live? If you have you need to get it back. Make yourself get out of the house and walk. I know it’s cold but put on a jacket. The only person who can save me is me. You’re going to have to save yourself too. I remember you saying you were getting the book Permission to Mourn. Have you read it? We have to get our minds adjusted to the non physical presence of our beloved without getting intoxicated. Its the action we take that gives us temporary relief. I pray that you will take responsibility for your recovery. Stumble forward and keep stumbling. I love you. Gary

 

Hi George. Good to see your post. It’s cold and windy here too. Take care Bro. Gary

 

Hey Gary! I keep on stumbling... day after bitterly cold day. Why is it so hard to be kind to ones self? I kinda hate almost everything. Keep trying!

 

I am trying my Bro. Just like you is NOT easy this week. Keep doing our best.

 

Hi Gary, nearing two thirty in the wee
hours of the night, had a procedure
done yesterday. Surgery had to be
put off due to virus.
I will come back tonight.
I’m starting to get sleepy.
My birthday was yesterday 7th.
After getting back from procedure
I got to thinking, it put me in a more
positive thinking, which was huge plus.
For now I wanted to let you all know I’m
great full and very Blessed for the
fellowship and friendship with you all
here. Praying you all are getting a good
nights rest, God hold each of you in HIS
arms and give all our hearts peace within.
Always remember how Special you all are.
Blessings,Patti

 

Happy birthday, Patti. We’re blessed to have you here. ~Bernadine

 

Patti, So good to hear from you. God bless you as you continue on this journey and forever. Sorry you’re going through so much. Hope you got some sleep. Sending you birthday wishes. Robin

 

Patti we are so glad to have you back. Happy birthday. I hope you rest eat and sleep well and heal up soon. It is great news when a fellow GW makes a rapid comeback after a surgery. Praise The Great Spirit and The Lord! Gary

 

Patti,

It is way beyond wonderful to hear from you!!!, TU!!! So relieved to hear the surgery is now history, and you're now thinking in a more positive way... Reading this, has me smiling... I can't stop smiling!!! Praying 2022 is a much better year for all of us...

HAPPY BITRTHDAY!!!

As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB