I miss her so much

I keep getting bugged about plans and trees. I truly am not into any of it! No one gets it. But that's ok I'm very cold today!

 

George, I'd rather be HUGGED, than
bugged. Met a a great couple, tourists
from out of state, about my age. We had a
long talk, and they asked me how I happened to move to this town. I told
them about being a widower, and about
Linda. The wife surprised me with a big hug, in her warm sweater. I told her the
world needs more hugs, and she agreed. L

 

George, I have to say I do get a kick out of your wording, for example TeeVee.

I truly hope we are a help for you as you are to us. I wake up and cry, then I think of GW and all the stories, makes me feel supported and safe. We're all one mind getting through the worst time in our lives. I told my sister I can't find me. Me is floating around in space, aimless.

But, on the flip side of the coin, they say it gets better and that's what we must looked towards by taking care of ourselves. Each day comes and goes and we are healing even if we don't know it. Center for Loss reflection says we must try to look through the darkness to see the light. Stay Upright, Karen

 

The quote hugged than bugged gave me a LMSO Lou. I’m glad you’re getting out among the humanoids and meeting friendly people. I’m starting to waffle on my plans to go my cousin’s Christmas party. I’m going to see what the covid is doing locally before I am sure. Patti thanks for setting a good example by doing your workouts. I got out of rhythm the last five days but am planning on making a comeback today. George the holidays are the most depressing time of the year unless you’re a innocent child and believe in Santa Clause. I heard a medical statistic that Christmas Eve is the day where most American males have heart attacks. Frightening! I am celebrating Winter Solstice by thinking of the day light increasing. More light more positive energy. Money or power does not gain happiness. The only suggestion I can make is to get out of yourself by some kind of deed of service to help another human being. I was going to town last night and saw a dead deer laying in the road that had just been hit. There was no traffic so I stopped and drug it off the road. A friend of mine hunted hard this year and never got a deer. After calling the friend He gladly came over and we chucked into his truck. I felt like I accomplished something. But it’s a short lived feeling. Sometimes we have to just stumble forward younger brother. Gary

 

Thank you, Gary. I always enjoy giving you
an LMSO. Even when I was in the psychiatric unit, as I was getting better
with grief, I liked to reach out & help
people with depression & loneliness, to
laugh. As I've said before, some comedians
came out of a deep sadness, like Robin
Williams and Richard Pryor., ( not that I'm
in their league). I like your winter
solstice light idea. I'm looking forward to
you bringing more light to our 2 new
brothers, Rick and Chad. Lou

 

Karen, I'm very happy that Paulette
joined us today, and answered our
question about where she lives in Idaho,
I also get a kick out of George's terms,
like TeeVee. Lou

 

Blessed Solstice GWs
The frosty grass crunched under my feet this morning as I made my way into the garden to watch the sun rise.
Winter is such a quiet time, going deep inside myself. The timing of Kenn’s death in November as this season began has become a gift. Had he died in summer I believe this would have been a different experience for me. He knew winter was my time, a time when I might bear the sadness of his absence without loosing myself. I hear so many of us having that feeling of loosing ourselves to the deaths of our partners. So many tears.
We might want to pass the plate to get George some heated socks?
Like many of you holiday plans have gone the wayside for me. I’ve had sweet offers but will choose to stay home.
Thanks, Gary for honoring the sacrifice of life.
I’m searching for a more current photo of Kenn and me. The one I have here is from the 90s not long after we first met and trekked east into the mountains. Because Kenn is 25 years older than I am we were delighted to find we shared memories of the same mountain streams we had each backpacked in to in our youths. Magic the way life weaves our lives. This photo just captures us so well I hesitate to replace it, hmmm.

 

Bernadine, you have the soul of a poet,
in your descriptions of your life with
Kenn on your many journeys, and about
your secret garden now. Like many of us,
you have a great sense of humor.Love
your heated socks idea for George. May I
ask the origin of "Countess Joy"? Lou

 

I think may have revealed that Joy is my middle name, it’s a family name passed down to me and carries my maternal ancestry.
Countess is my self-adopted royalty, I have a many ‘greats’ back grandmother who, as the story is told, was a lady in waiting to the queen of Denmark.
Bernadine is a more recognizable name and as I am a private woman I often choose an alternate for use on social media.

 

Good job Bernadine. You received the new light in your garden. I bet the dwarfs and fairies rejoiced peacefully in their dreams. Sounds like you have an excellent blood line along with many additional super powers. after reading your post I’m going to walk my seven circuit Labyrinth after completing my exercise bike ride. be I told Patti since she is an inspiration for us by working out I would do the same. I was listening to NPR and solstice means the sun stands still. It’s amazing how Winter Solstice and Christmas are so close. New light. A savior is born. Hum…Gary

 

Thank you, Bernadine. I do recall you
mentioning your muddle name, but I
love your connection to royalty. Linda
used to tease me that I was like the
short king in the comic strip, Wizard of
Id. When he was angry, he would send
his subjects to the dungeon. I could
sometimes hold a grudge, but I'm more
mellow, now. Great to see you on here
today. We GW need each other, especially
Christmas through New Year's Day. Lou

 

I know having a pet can be such a blessing. Sadly we lost our little Pomeranian, "Foxy" in March of this year. I think I will maybe be looking next year, or the next. Makes me sad without Foxy around, makes me sad to think of picking a pet to bring home by myself. My daughter is pretty independent, so I don't think she will move in, but she stays over a couple nights a week. I do need to get outside more instead of roaming around the house, plan on doing that. I have put the house in my daughter's name so I think I will be here a while longer. Thank you for your post. Rick

 

Sounds like you have a big place to roam around in. If I tried to move somewhere smaller I think I would miss being here, where I am now. Don't know why I started burning a candle every night. I have found many that Sheila had bought over the years in a drawer or box here and there. Knowing she picked them out makes me feel like she bought them for me to enjoy some day. The other night I felt the bed covers being pressed down on my legs, I laid there a few seconds not moving, it was like someones hands were pressing down the covers. I sat up and said "Honey is that you?" I didn't imagine it, it was real. Best Wishes. Rick

 

Wow Karen, that is so totally true. And you are a tremendous help. You and TGWs, After dialysis TB had a good dinner no crap waiting, I appreciate the good things!
I have no clue really who me is... Just keep doing the day again and again...

 

Itz so cold today! After D... in th frozen black night

 

I believe it, Sheila was with you and you were not dreaming. I have had similar things happen and I know it was my Jack's spirit. Jack's computer chair is right next to mine and so often when he sat in it it would creek. I always told him don't sit in this nice office chair with your feet up on the desk, you will break the chair. I have heard it creek at times and I turn my face towards the chair thinking he's still in it. Maybe he is.
I think to be aware of our love ones who have parted is to be aware of their living spirit even if for a short time. Blessings, Karen

 

Maybe our me's will evolve, but in a different way. Mystery of life yet to unfold and I don't like one ounce of it.
You are blessed to have TB, your son who cooks--send him over to my place. K

 

Karen, I laughed when you told George to
send his son over to cook for you! I said
the same thing. When I met Linda, I didn't
know how to cook ( except to fry an egg,
boil hot dogs & beans ( and open a can of
tuna & have PB&J sandwiches). I had
different work shifts and would either do
take out, or have dinner, with draft beers,
at my local Irish pub. She taught me how
to bake chicken in the oven ( especially
thighs) & put frozen veggies on a
burner! After Linda died, I was too sad
to do that, so I would just buy Amy's
frozen gluten free Mexican dinners ( from
Petaluma in your state). I still pop Amy's
dinners in the oven, when I'm lazy, or
want something quick. I'm proud of
myself that I can bake chicken now. I did
that for both of us, when she became ill.
She had cooked & taken care of me all
those years. Loved your chair story about
Jack. You helped me realize that my
hugging of Linda, in my dreams ,was her
trying to tell me she was OK and still
loved me. Lou

 

Haha. In that case you can be the dad I never had or only had for a short while he passed when I was four. He happened to my age now, 38.

Rick, I do the same thing with candles. Lizzy loved them and we have a lot so I have been using then lately.

I hope everyone here can keep there heads up this holiday and maybe even find something to smile about.

Sending love and good thoughts.

-Chad

 

George, I agree with Karen. I want your
son to come over to cook for me, too!
Some nights, I get lonely, and tired of
getting supper for myself, and sitting at
the table alone. Lou