I miss her so much

Oh, one more thing. I don't live near the ocean, but Lizzy was from Southern California and we visited her sister there many times. She loved the beach and ocean. I find myself thinking about those visits. Going whale watching. Those are good memories.

-Chad

 

Thank you Bernadine. I needed to read that today.

-Chad

 

Hey just trying to relax here and be calm. The one thing I do still like is musicks but can't handle TeeVee or Christmas. I have no focus to watch anything. I listen to weird psychadelic space rock stuff from the Live music archives. This is nothing Valerie would have liked! She had the TeeVee always on. I miss that, even though I always complained at the time... well Thanks fer listening! Love!!! Love love

 

Hey, George, glad you joined us! I was
about to seek you out, now that Gary's
off the grid. It's so good to welcome Chad
(csmith 532), 38, from Texas. His wife,
Lizzy, died at 39. I think he will stay with
us, and become our youngest brother. Lou

 

Chad, so glad you were able to experience
the ocean. Hope you can go out to Calif.
again someday. I never went on a whale
watch, bc I was slightly seasick on just a
ferry from Cape Cod to one of the islands
off the coast of Massachusetts. I do like
to watch boats, coming in & out of the
harbor. I also have a friend who's a
lobsterman, and I admire his courage.
Lou

 

That would be cool way cool... did a bunch of errands today and got to walk the compound so I feel relatively happy even though a year ago on this day I realized Valerie was going to die! I knew the TRUTH then. But I'm ok because I'm doing stuff. enjoy your snow. Have a snowball fite! Ha!

 

George, stopped snowing & I'm glad. I liked
it when I was a boy. Now, it hinders my
walking, and I'm afraid to fall. Really
glad to see Chad on GIC this am. Gary
will be happy about that, too. As for sad
anniversaries, I try not to dwell on them.
Linda & I were married on New Year's
Day. I treat it like any other day: take
walks, make sure there's food in the
apartment. Since I gave up drinking, I
won't be hungover like some people! Lou

 

Nothing worse than the sick and depression after drinking! I hear ya bro. I'm doing ok and that's good. That's what Valerie wanted. Seize the moment and rock or shine! What is stopping you... Oh right, that! dead wife stuff...

 

George, one thing that saves us ( and others, like Karen) is the ability to laugh
at ourselves. I'm still sensitive to remarks
by other people, but not as hypersensitive
as I was months after Linda died. I try to
take pleasure in simple things. For example, bc I have Celiac Disease, I can't
eat bread, and other products, unless they
are gluten free. I was grateful to visit a
friend today, & share a GF pizza. Lou

 

That would be way cool. I am glad to welcome him.
TB just made dinner with the GF and baked some more Christmas Cookies in honor of Valerie.
As a memorial to her.
Pretty tired from active day today. Computer store grocery store that kind of stuff.

 

I always worry too much about what others may think. It is irrational I know. I try not to be

 

Hey, George, I'm happy that your son cooks
for you AND......a little jealous! Some nights I'm fine, with baking chicken, or putting
frozen Amy's Mexican dinners in the oven.
Other times, I miss having someone with
whom to share a meal. I'm conflicted, as
I've mentioned. Sometimes I like the
quiet of my apartment, and sometimes I
think it's TOO quiet. I've been sleeping
an hour, soon after dinner. I did that tonight ( mourner's fatigue), just woke up
briefly to reply to you, will go to bed early so
I can wake up early, as usual, in the am.
I wonder what it would be like to be with
another woman, to hug, especially during
these cold, dark winter nights. I was
watching a music video of The Yellow Rose
of Texas. When the modern-day rancher
drove up in his pick up truck, a smiling
woman ran to greet him. I cried unexpectedly, and wished a woman would
do that for me. Lou

 

Robin, thank you for your kind post. I appreciate it so much, I feel so lost. At my age I can't see nothing in front of me. Haven't tried the fresh air thing yet, and I dread the coming weeks like we all do. It is a living nightmare is true to me. My psychologist suggested writing Sheila a letter, has anyone tried that? Yes it is very recent, I can't see it changing much with time. I am so grateful for this site and all the understanding from everyone, it somehow helps a little, and nothing else does. I am lucky to have a daughter that stays with me some, I was the strong one for her, but now that she has left, I have no strength. I guess in some way she was the strong one, I hope we all make it through the holidays ok. thank you. Rick

 

Lou, I understand how watching something on tv can hit so hard. That's why I'm watching football tonight, Sheila never watched it. This site is about the only thing I look forward to, I can't always post anything but I appreciate everyone's thoughts and understanding on what I'm going through. Soup or a pb and jelly sandwich is about it for me. My house is big and quiet now, and for some reason I have started lighting a candle. Our home is no more, just this big house I wander around in, I wish it was smaller, it seems so big now. Best wishes to us all through the upcoming Holidays. Rick

 

Chad, I am so so sorry. I couldn't say how I feel much differently, Bernadine says so much that I feel the understanding from her and I know it's so hard on us all. No answers, just support with understanding makes me feel a part of a very unique group I guess. My pain is so intense but no worse than us all. I hope we all do ok through the next few weeks. Rick

 

Patti, for some reason, your comment to
Rick, who was writing to Chad, was blank.
Hope you didn't have a problem with your
eyes, and it was just a temporary technical
problem. We think of you every day, but
I understand how difficult it is to get on
GIC during Christmas, a lonely time for
widowed people like us. I've welcomed
2 new members from Texas, & hope they
will join my brothers, Gary & George. Look
forward to hearing from you again. Lou

 

Patti, made a mistake!! I pressed the
phone AGAIN, and was glad to see your
warm welcome to Rick, despite your
serious health issue. All TGW miss you,
and pray for your health to improve. Lou

 

Rick, I was so glad to see you on Grief in
Common (GIC) tonight, replying to Robin,
Chad. and me. I went to sleep right after
dinner & just woke up briefly & checked in
with The Grief Warriors (TGW)--- a term I
invented and has been adopted by the
group. I sincerely hope you & your fellow
Texan, Chad, will become our brother
widowers. George , from Illinois, loves the
idea. Gary, who's "off the grid" for a couple
days, will also welcome you as a brother
widower. That will make 5 of us, and there
are currently 5 widows.As I told Chad, I
live on the northern coast of Massachusetts
& the ocean feeds my soul. Walking by the
sea, and smelling the fresh air lifts my
spirits. Do you have a place to walk? Are
you near any body of water, ocean, river,
or lake? Well, back to sleep. ( I'm your
age, and trying to stay healthy). Linda
wanted that for me, and I'm sure your
beloved Sheila wanted that for you. Lou

 

I felt this comment. My feels big and empty and every empty space is a memory. New Years is going to be tough for me. Me and Lizzy always started the new year with a kiss. I hope we all find some peace this holiday season. I am going to spend Christmas with my brother in Arkansas this week.

-Chad