I feel like I gave so much of myself taking care of my grandparents that I didn't allow myself to be me. My grandparents were my whole world and I loved them, but taking care of them in their final years took a toll on me that I can't describe. I was commuting to college and was not very social but I had a few friends. When my grandparents passed away my second year of college it shattered my world. I wanted to scream to yell in peoples faces that they died, that it hurt so much, so freaking much, but instead I swallowed most of my tears, said I was fine, and went to class. The few friends I had were busy with their own lives to be there for me. I felt abandoned and angry, but too ashamed of myself to show that part of myself. Its going on four years now that I lost my grandparents within three months of eachother. I want to come out of the dark hole that I buried myself in. Ive been belittling my own emotions for the longest. I still feel like an A-hole for talking about myself but I want to be able to be myself, the person my grandparents saw in me.