I lost them but lost myself too

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Ch@r!33, May 8, 2021.

  1. Ch@r!33

    Ch@r!33 New Member

    I feel like I gave so much of myself taking care of my grandparents that I didn't allow myself to be me. My grandparents were my whole world and I loved them, but taking care of them in their final years took a toll on me that I can't describe. I was commuting to college and was not very social but I had a few friends. When my grandparents passed away my second year of college it shattered my world. I wanted to scream to yell in peoples faces that they died, that it hurt so much, so freaking much, but instead I swallowed most of my tears, said I was fine, and went to class. The few friends I had were busy with their own lives to be there for me. I felt abandoned and angry, but too ashamed of myself to show that part of myself. Its going on four years now that I lost my grandparents within three months of eachother. I want to come out of the dark hole that I buried myself in. Ive been belittling my own emotions for the longest. I still feel like an A-hole for talking about myself but I want to be able to be myself, the person my grandparents saw in me.
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you need some guidance. You need to get to express these emotions with a trained facilitator. Therapy is such a relief..whether individual or group..... You are bottled up and you need to be free. Best of luck for a peaceful future
    Sapphire449 likes this.