I lost my mom a few days ago

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by ashcat, Jan 7, 2022.

  1. ashcat

    ashcat New Member

    She'd been extremely sick for alot of her life so part of me is relieved that she's not in pain anymore and passed away in her sleep. On the other hand, my grief and pain is so deep.

    I've been crying non stop. I can't believe she's gone. She was fine last night and when I awoke in the morning, she was gone. There wasn't anything I could have done to save her. We were going to do so many things together. Now she'll never see me get married or anything. I just can't believe she's gone.

    I'm hurting so much. I don't understand why she had to die now. I kept thinking she'd die when I was older, when I was more ready. I don't know what to do. She was the person I talked to for advice, for help, for comfort. When I need her the most, she's not there.

    I just keep thinking about all these big milestones she's going to miss. It's my first day today without her and the idea that have 50 or 60 more years of days without her is crushing me. I don't know how to continue on.
  2. Moon

    Moon Member

    Hi ashcat,

    I lost my mother Jan. 7th. Today will be a week that me and my oldest daughter couldn't saver her. She'd also been very ill most of her life, a heart condition and other health issues.

    I am no stranger to loss, so I know how you feel. She was also my best friend, and my confidant but she was also very controlling and very mean at times and critical of me. I didn't have such a great relationship with her. The last few years our relationship seemed to be on the mend and then the last six months she changed completely. She became bitter, mean and offensive at times but she was not suffering from dementia.

    I know it seems that the pain won't ever go away and it won't, but it will start to fade into something you can live with. You will stop crying and you will be alright. She is with you all the time. She is part of you and you are part of her. Keep breathing. I know it sounds stupid and maybe it pisses you off to be told that, but it works. Breathe through the pain. Sing through the pain. Belt your favorite song out. Talk to her. I talk to my mother whenever I hang up the laundry, silly I know but I talk to her. You have wonderful memories of her. I don't have that many, but I am at peace that she is no longer suffering and she is no longer hurting me or my daughters with her unhappiness.

    Hold on to the happy thoughts you had with her. Hold on to yourself. Allow yourself to be sad and ride the rollercoaster of emotions that hit you. Don't try to hide form them. Pain sucks but it does teach us resilience, it teaches us patience, it teaches us just how strong we really are.

    I am here for you if you need a friend or even if you don't. Please know that you are not alone.

  3. Capuzzi2

    Capuzzi2 New Member

    I lost my mom Jan 5. I too am struggling. I can’t stop crying. She was my best friend and it’s going to be hard to be without her.
  4. emmasuz

    emmasuz New Member

    I don't think we can ever prepare for the loss of a parent. My mom is 98 and on hospice. You'd think that, at her age, impending death would be easier. It's not. I keep thinking of everything that we've ever gone through. We were military so I think of all of the houses, the moves, the schools I attended. My dad died when I was 11, but she's always been there. Now she won't. I don't feel like I'll be me anymore when she's gone. It's like a piece of you will be missing. :(
  5. Capuzzi2

    Capuzzi2 New Member

    I feel you. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve lived; they’ll leave a hole that can never be filled. My mom passed 2 weeks ago. She was my favorite person. I have had 2 visitations since her passing which has given me strength and confidence that she is fine. I really did not think she would return to me but I cannot tell you how amazing and beautiful it is. I will always love and miss her but now know I’ll see her again. Hugs to you❤️
    Chenzy and emmasuz like this.
  6. Chenzy

    Chenzy New Member

    Can you describe the visitations? I too have those but would like to hear of others for comparisons
  7. daisyinthesun

    daisyinthesun Member

    almost the same here...i lost my mom a week before my birthday and since that...breathing is hard. She was in so much pain that she had a heart attack and...who am i now?