I lost my hero, my dad.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by emkhalvo, May 31, 2018.

  1. emkhalvo

    emkhalvo New Member

    I am new to this, and my therapist mentioned I should give this a try.

    In April (2018), my father was taken to the hospital for what they thought at the time was a heart attack. My mom saw him having struggling when they went to bed, called the ambulance and started CPR. This happened during a terrible snow storm which made the EMTs take 15 min to get there. Once they got there, they had to shock him a few times to get him ready to transport.

    My mom called my boyfriend and asked him to take me to the hospital where I met her and the rest of my siblings. We were all a wreck but thinking, “many people have heart attacks and make it” so we stayed hopeful. Once we met the doctor, the told us he was stable but in critical condition and is now in the cardiac ICU.

    After a long 7 days, they declare him brain dead from the lack of oxygen he experienced during this cardiac episode. As a family we decided to take him off life support. It was the hardest decision we had to make. We gathered around him and I held his hand the whole time.

    I’m 24 years old and lost my best friend. My hero. He will never be able to walk me down the aisle when I get married or meet my future children. And I struggle with getting up in the morning and facing the fact he’s gone.
  2. Del

    Del New Member

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. May you find the strength in small moments to keep going. I was never taught about grief. I lose two years of my life and nearly my own life when my dad died. Hand in there with every ounce of the love he gave you.
  3. Lindsay0916

    Lindsay0916 Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss, something so sudden makes it seem almost impossible to bear. I lost my dad just 3 days ago very suddenly and we aren't sure exactly what happened. He had been diagnosed with Stage 4 head and neck cancer at the beginning of this year, but we were told that many people make full recoveries from this type of cancer, so we had hope. He went through the first line treatment of chemo and radiation, but the cancer didn't really respond. We started another type of chemo recently in hopes of having some response, however we were told by the doctors that in this case the "average" time left is about a year. Dad still had a lot of fight in him and frequently said that he "wasn't ready to leave this earth." He was in such pain and had a low quality of life but he still lived every day and fought and went through treatments. Friday morning my brother heard him downstairs struggling, ran down and found him, he passed out and my brother started CPR. The EMTs came and did CPR for another 20 minutes, but he never came back. They think maybe he had a heart attack, but they aren't sure. I am really struggling that it happened so suddenly, we knew he was sick, but we really thought we had more time with him. It breaks my heart even more that my dad was so scared of dying, I can't even imagine what he went through in those moments. Going on with normal life seems impossible. I worry about my dad every second of the day, I miss him horribly, I worry about my younger brother. It just all seems too much to bear, so I can completely relate to how you are feeling. It all seems so unfair. I was lucky enough to have him there at my wedding last September, but I understand the sadness about him never being there to see my future children. My dad just had so much more life to live. I feel so heart broken he won't get the chance to live it.
  4. Megan Nelson

    Megan Nelson New Member

    This thread broke my heart. I lost my dad in a tragic accident about 3 weeks ago. I am feeling all of the same heart break you are- he will never see me get married, I never got to give him grandchildren. I’m so distraught over all of the things he didn’t get to do. Life is so cruel. I’m here to talk and listen if you need it.
  5. B.Bright

    B.Bright New Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I just found this site because I lost my dad suddenly a week ago.
    He was doing the thing he loved most - spending time with my mom on his boat.
    He drowned. I am so sorry to all here who have lost their Fathers
  6. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hello B.
    I understand your sorrow and grief. My husband had Parkinson's for 7 years but remained pretty healthy until the last 4 days of his life. He got bronchitis which turned into pneumonia. All that struggle to breathe as well as a weak body from the Parkinson's caused his heart to work overtime and simply wear out. When he was admitted to the hospital it was discovered that he had only 25% of his heart working and he had sepsis. He died at hospice house with me and our two adult children holding on to him after we declined medical intervention because of his very very weakened condition. I have no regrets that we made this decision nor do our children.
    Never the less that last breath was a shock to me. I believe I went numb and stayed that way for at least 2 months. I ended up in the hospital a month after he passed with internal bleeding. I had to have 8 pints of blood transfusions. Needless to say I think it would have been healthier for me to grieve right away instead of burying my feelings. Thank God you can grieve now. It has been six months and I am doing the best that I can one day at a time. Taking all the time I need to take care of me. I hope that you can do the same and reach out to others who will sympathize and understand.
  7. Megan Nelson

    Megan Nelson New Member

    My dad also drowned. Your response hit all too close to home for me.
  8. Lindsay0916

    Lindsay0916 Member

    Hi Megan -

    I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. This past Sunday was a month since I lost my dad...every day is still hard. I think we just have to take it one day at a time and do the best we can. Feel free to send me a message if you wanted to talk more. Having support of people experiencing similar things has really helped.
    griefic likes this.
  9. B.Bright

    B.Bright New Member

    I’m so sorry. This is the first time I’ve ever lost someone so close to me. I hope you are finding support. I am hoping to connect with others who understand.