I lost my fiance this 9/11 to a freak car accident - Its unbearable and I am so numb I cant cry

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by RidhimaVibhor, Oct 5, 2021.

  1. RidhimaVibhor

    RidhimaVibhor Member

    I lost my fiance this 9/11 to a freak car accident - Its unbearable and I am so numb I cant cry!!!

    We were together for 5 years 9 months and were getting married this December. he was driving his parents to his brothers place and met with an accident. His parents are out of danger now- they were all meeting to decide a date for our wedding and checkout a wedding venue.

    I am in shambles , I dont know what to do or why I exist ???

    We were so happy - we were finally getting married after 5 years of unconditional love and support. he was my best friend, my partner, my lover , my soulmate, my family. I am nothing without him.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  2. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    That is a terrible tragedy. I am very sorry. I just joined this site. I lost my girlfriend of 9 years suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago. I’m still in shock and devastated as I know you are. This site has a lot of great information and caring people. My battle cry has been stumble forward. Don’t give up. There is a scientific approach to grief that works slowly. There is another information site called 6 Needs of reconciliation for the Mourner. I have found it very helpful. Especially in the beginning of the grief journey. I started grief support meetings and seeing a therapist too. Plus antidepressants, sleep Medicene, and light therapy. We have to make an all out effort to survive this. I’ll be sending you some positive thoughts.
    Van Gogh and RidhimaVibhor like this.
  3. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. Being in shock is normal. This is the person you'd planned your life with so a piece of you is gone. I know it feels like the end of the world. Take it one day at a time. People say time heals us but I think it just makes us stronger to deal with things. Take deep breaths and hold on to your memories. Plan small things to give you something to look forward to. Make a list and choose what you want to do off it. If you don't do it all thats fine just having things planned with give you something to look forward to. I pray for your strength. Post and talk to people as much as you can. I hear if you want to talk.
    Van Gogh and RidhimaVibhor like this.
  4. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Ridhima, what a shock for you and your finance's parents. So sorry. I lost my husband almost one year ago from cancer and it's been a very hard year. If you can, keep in contact with family, friends, even grief support meetings. Your loss is so sudden and unexpected, my heart goes out to you. I know you feel nothing without him, but someday you will move through your loss as we all have to do and you will find your life again. Prayer's to you, Karen
    RidhimaVibhor likes this.
  5. RidhimaVibhor

    RidhimaVibhor Member

    thank you - im sorry for your loss too.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  6. RidhimaVibhor

    RidhimaVibhor Member

    Thank you -
  7. RidhimaVibhor

    RidhimaVibhor Member

    Thank you so much - I have no words :(
    Van Gogh likes this.
  8. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    I always dreaded talking to someone after losing Cheryl and hear them ask how are you doing. I would respond negatively and say you really don’t want to know. After a while I knew their intentions were good but they had zero understanding of grief regarding the loss of a spouse. Someone who understood gave me the advice not to make any major changes for a year. I didn’t understand at first. Then I started thinking about the possibility of moving or buying something I didn’t need or selling something I should keep. I’m glad I took their advice because my cognitive thinking diminished. I had trouble making simple decisions and made many corrections in my check book. The cognitive began working for me at the 4 month mark. I had trouble reliving the horror of watching the first responders trying to save Cheryl. Finally on my phone I made an album of a collage of Cheryl and I. When bad thoughts would come I would look at the collage of all the special places. I realized the traumatic event was a small part of our life. But it hasn’t completely left. Today has been rough because I’m changing from summer clothes to winter. I see all the beautiful shirts Cheryl bought for me. I have many good memories too. The weather is cloudy today and that affects my mood. I keep telling myself keep moving and when I feel like a good cry let it out. I get a sense of security and hope at Grief In Common. Keep on keeping on! Glad you’re here! Gary
    Van Gogh and RidhimaVibhor like this.
  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Garv, I just stumbled upon your kind words to young RidhimaVibhor. Your
    sad story about the death of your wife,
    Cheryl, is so similar to my feelings about
    the death of my wife. Linda. I commend
    you for your grief work, and it is work,
    horrible work, that we are going through.
    The fact that you belong to a grief group,
    read books on grief, and hep others on
    Grief in Common, is proof that you are trying to live your life, in a new and
    very strange & lonely way. Your story is
    so similar to mine. I'm retired also. My
    wife died suddenly in front of me, at 68,
    after 25 years of marriage. She was my
    best ( & only) friend and family. I love
    Grief in Common, bc I check in with
    Deb and Robin (RLC) every morning and
    night. I also just welcomed a new member,
    a widower, George (eyepilot 13). There
    are others here who come in & out,
    depending on their circumstances, like
    Karen (cjpines), Patti ( Lost to Parkinson's)
    and Susan McB ( Quilted Lady). I highly
    recommend the book, The Widower's
    Notebook, a memoir, by Jonathan
    Santlofer. His story of the sudden death
    of his wife, Joy, after 40 years of marriage,
    is so parallel to ours. It is an honest, and
    even funny, at times, portrayal of a
    marriage. Lou