I lost my best friend to suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Cinderella, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. Cinderella

    Cinderella New Member

    My best friend for almost ten years, girl that I would consider as my sister, was suffering from bipolarity disorder and after years of suffering she told me she was finally feeling ready to end it all. I have been aare of her illness since the beginning of it and we always fought together. She had already tried to kill herlself in the past but it would fail. But this time, it didn't and after feeling "fine" for the two first month, it's starting to hit me now as i am missing her a little bit more everyday, it's hitting all of a sudden and i feel really lost and lonely without her. I don't know who to talk to as I don't want to put my sadness on other people's shoulders but here I am.
    I know that time will heal some wounds but right now the time is going slowly and it is hard to not have her by my side. I feel like I could have done better. When she texted me that she was gonna do it, I tried to stop her and she promised she was not gonna do it but it was jsut so I would stop insisting and worrying.
    And now she is gone and i don't know how to deal with it.
    There is such a big difference between losing someone from a physical illness or old age to losing someone from suicide. I have lost my dad last year from cancer so I was ready for grief but it is not the same feeling at all. It is a sudden death that you don't really have time to digest and as it was a friend of mine my family doesn't realise the impact of the loss on me.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Cinderella I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide loss does have a different impact - it leaves behind so many questions and often the sense that we should be able to do more. But when someone is dealing with a mental illness, sometimes the love and good intentions we have just isn't a match - the illness is too big, too strong, and too powerful. Time can be a healer, but I find for most it takes longer than we think. So it's important that you be patient with yourself and the process as you allow yourself the space and time to grieve this very significant loss. I wish you hope and healing in the days ahead~